The Kindness of Strangers: Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III Edition

Our Attorney General, Jefferson Beauregard ‘Stonewall’ Sessions III, a man who hates everyone who is not a Straight White Xristian Cisgendered Male, has decided that he has been too lenient in his immigration enforcement. He worries that he is getting soft in his golden years, sentimentalist that he is.

Sure, already anyone swarthier than a cavefish is turned away at the border, their children kidnapped and put into a kennel cage that is filed way in a warehouse next to the Ark of the Covenant never to be seen again.

“What,” Sessions must have thought to hisself, as he hummed Camptown Races, “can Ah do t’ make it even harder fuh them dark, uh, non-whites, and ‘specially fuh th’ Skirts?”

“Sweet Mother of Jefferson Davis, Ah got me an idea!”

And thus was born the newest policy: claims of domestic abuse by gangs (“MS-13, Bitchez!!1!,” Comrade Stupid was heard screaming…) will not be accepted for refugee status. So continue to beat your significant other, Gangsta’s! Jeff Sessions has got your back!

Just so you know, coinky-dinkally, these people (probably mostly women) coming from Central America are almost exclusively not, uh, lily white.



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4 Responses to The Kindness of Strangers: Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III Edition

  1. roket says:

    Clearly, the burping elf is no gentleman.


  2. Karla says:

    “Coinky-dinkally” will now enter my lexicon. Thank you, TG.


  3. MDavis says:

    Thus they strengthen the wall, but walls work both ways. Do they mean to keep people out, or are they gearing up to keep people in?


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