Comrade Trump: Modern Humpty Dumpty

The Shadow Knows!

Somewhere in all of the headlines of history-making travels to Singapore to gin-up a Nobel Prize, there are little stories that are probably not history-making, but build a narrative that is both larger and more important about the pettiness of the Russian Usurper and his callow disregard for US Laws.

Though it probably does not raise to level of High Crimes and Misdemeanors to remove Prznint Stupid from office, Comrade Trump is in the habit of destroying prznintial documents after reading them, a habit that flies in the face of the Presidential Records Act.

Armed with rolls of clear Scotch tape, [Solomon Lartey] and his colleagues would sift through large piles of shredded paper and put them back together, he said, “like a jigsaw puzzle.” Sometimes the papers would just be split down the middle, but other times they would be torn into pieces so small they looked like confetti…

…Under the Presidential Records Act, the White House must preserve all memos, letters, emails and papers that the president touches, sending them to the National Archives for safekeeping as historical records.


But wait! it get’s worse!

Staffers had the fragments of paper collected from the Oval Office as well as the private residence and send it over to records management across the street from the White House for Larkey and his colleagues to reassemble.

So the White House staff collects the chaff. Nice work if you can find it.

“We got Scotch tape, the clear kind,” Lartey recalled in an interview. “You found pieces and taped them back together and then you gave it back to the supervisor.” The restored papers would then be sent to the National Archives to be properly filed away.

Lartey said the papers he received included newspaper clips on which Trump had scribbled notes, or circled words; invitations; and letters from constituents or lawmakers on the Hill, including Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer.

“I had a letter from Schumer — he tore it up,” he said. “It was the craziest thing ever. He ripped papers into tiny pieces.”

So from items of no particular importance to important documents from the Senate Minority Leader, all of it torn up and left his Comrade Stupid’s wake have to be reassembled, taped back together and then archived. It’s enough to make a grown archivist cry!

“We had to endure this under the Trump administration,” Young said. “I’m looking at my director, and saying, ‘Are you guys serious?’ We’re making more than $60,000 a year, we need to be doing far more important things than this. It felt like the lowest form of work you can take on without having to empty the trash cans.”

But presumably a White House staffer does empty those trash cans to find the detritus of Comrade Stupid’s pettiness. But wait, it gets worse!

Lartey, 54, and Young, 48, were career government officials who worked together in records management until this spring, when both were abruptly terminated from their jobs. Both are now unemployed and still full of questions about why they were stripped of their badges with no explanation and marched off of the White House grounds by Secret Service.

Irene Porada, the head of human resources who personally terminated both men, did not respond to an email requesting comment. A White House spokesman also did not respond to a request for comment about the terminations….

“…I was stunned,” [Lartey] said. “I asked them, ‘Why can’t you all tell me something?’ I had gotten comfortable. I was going to retire. I would never have thought I would have gotten fired.” He signed a pre-written resignation letter that stated he was leaving to pursue other opportunities. But he is still unemployed…

…Young, who was terminated April 19, said he fought back and had his official status changed from “resigned” to “terminated.”

“I was coerced to sign a resignation letter at that time,” he said. “Then they escorted me to the garage and took my parking placard.”

He described the firing as traumatic and frustratingly Kafkaesque. “The only excuse that I’ve ever gotten from them,” he said, “was that you serve at the pleasure of the president.”

It’s a little thing in the greater scheme of things (until you are dismissed at the pleasure of a vain and petty man because: why not?), but little things can add up into big things. It’s a disregard not just for the Presidential Records Act, it’s disrespectful for the people who have to try to right Comrade Stupid’s many, many wrongs. Our Dauphin prznint demands loyalty of his underlings and needs a crew of people to fix his many wrongs, and the loyalty is never returned, lives are wrecked in the process.

We hope fixers that Mikahil/Michael Cohen (and his many, many compatriots caught up in the Little Kremlin-on-the-Potomac matter) read this story and realize that they are pinning their hopes on a man who whimsically fired the people who literally were taping together the narrative of our times, fixing one of Comrade Trump’s minor wrongs. We think that there is an object-lesson for Cohen in this story.

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Roket)

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10 Responses to Comrade Trump: Modern Humpty Dumpty

  1. roket says:


    1.a malicious, usually petty, desire to harm, annoy, frustrate, or humiliate another person; bitter ill will; malice.

    In my mind, he is committing high crimes and misdemeanors with malice and forethought on a daily basis. Including this.


    • FelineMama says:

      Seems like the staff is complicit as well. They seem to go way out of their way to assist in his lawlessness.


  2. Jim says:

    Willfully violating the Presidential Records Act is an actual crime. There is no reason it couldn’t be included in a Bill of Particulars against the Emperor. And if, by chance, one of the documents he tears up is related to a matter under Mueller’s investigation then that is tampering with evidence and obstruction of justice both serious crimes. That’s why the staffers are trying to tape up the documents.

    Liked by 1 person

    • MDavis says:

      And possibly why they were fired, because he wanted something to stay torn up. Possibly even because he tore up evidence.
      Probably, though, because of a stupider reason, like he doesn’t want his tantrum trash de-trashed. If he tore up Schumer’s letter it should stay tore up. The only question would then be how he found out his trash was getting fixed.

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Osirisopto says:

    So now we know without a doubt that he’s created one job.

    Would his tax returns be cosidered presidential records?


    • Jim says:

      His current tax returns, yes. Don’t think the tax year 2016 and before would be (but that’s alright, Mueller has those for sure).

      Liked by 1 person

  4. can you imagine if Obama tore up sheets of paper in a tan suit eating Grey Poupon?

    Liked by 1 person

    • osirisopto says:

      Or eating arugula.

      God save the children from the arugula eaters, despicable bastards that they are.


  5. osirisopto says:

    “We think that there is an object-lesson for Cohen in this story.”

    I’m confident Cohen is suffering the “bad things happen to other people” delusion therefore the lesson is lost.


  6. Pingback: Trump’s Stupidest Lawyer Contest Takes Dramatic Turn! | Mock Paper Scissors

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