Happy Hour News Briefs
Linda Harvey poked her snout, tentatively out of her mud hut (having boycotted virtually every retail outlet in Possum Hollar, oh, how she endures!) and sniffed the air. Sensing something had changed, Harvey quickly pulled out her folders of sexual anarchists and started banging on her keyboard…
“Should schoolchildren be required to endure explicit, politically motivated “inclusive” sex education lessons that endorse homosexual behavior?”
Do it for the children, Linds. (Emphasis mine: our new pal—the misreading of the Masterpiece Cakeshop decision— is already taking its toll)
“After the SCOTUS decision on the Masterpiece Cakeshop case, the answer should be a huge and emphatic NO. Christian parents need to tell their schools to stop compelling minor children to listen to anal and oral sex tutorials in schools, and stop restricting or stigmatizing an abstinence-until-marriage message.”
A) you didn’t read the decision, did you, and 2) show the class the anal and oral sex tutorials. We’re waiting. No reaching for your industrial-strength WaterPik, either.
“Christian beliefs about sexual morality, and, in fact, those of any sincerely held faith, must be respected. It’s time to end the hijacking of classrooms for homosexual and abortion propaganda.”
The only propaganda I see is yours, Linds. Anyway, it goes on (and on).
“Outraged parents have listened with horror at the end of the school day as their kids describe their involuntary indoctrination into homosexual propaganda; explicit condom demonstrations in middle school; pornographic role-playing exercises that assume all 13-year-olds are sexually active; and classes of students given directions to the nearest pharmacy where they can obtain condoms, or the nearest Planned Parenthood where they can obtain contraceptives and abortions without parental consent.”
I remember the explicit condom demonstration: they put it on a banana. I don’t recall what the banana had to do with making babies, but you know, I know how to put a condom on a banana, a skill that has served me well lo these many years… Your place or mine. “Oook.”
I’d love to know the kid who doesn’t know how to find the nearest drug store (or anything else) on their phone. I kinda-sorta think ol’ Linds is making this up. Anyway, Linds is whipping herself into a frenzy now as grammar and mis-placed modifiers fly off her twitching fingers (and I imagine she’s already thinking about that WaterPik):
“Most current “CSE” [Ed. – Comprehensive sexuality education] lessons not only endorse same-sex “marriage” and anal sex (popular among homosexual males) but also gender confusion – and where this occurs in public schools, the administrators know full well how offensive this is to a fairly large segment of their school population.”
Oh! Oh! I know where it occurred in my high school! Under the bleachers! And at least once in the boiler room. But I’m only guessing, of course. (Whistles, looks up at ceiling)
“…Then, in Dripping Springs, Texas, the school board is considering the curriculum called “Big Decisions.” It has already been implemented in 23 Texas school districts.”
Dripping Springs?! Hubba-hubba!
“Here’s the kind of valuable information seventh and eighth graders learn from a “role-playing” lesson in “Big Decisions”:
Activity 9.2 – “Do you have a condom? … No, but this feels good … Let’s go to my bedroom.” (“Big Decisions,” p. 273)
Really? I have to tell you why Linda?
Sexuality is part of the human condition, and knowledge is strength. Keeping information away from young people (from Dripping Springs or elsewhere) about how their bodies work is the fastest way to for them to figure it out on their own, or not figure it out at all, which is arguably worse.
No, Linda, what we need is less Old Testament and little more Enlightenment.