Local Fossil Fuel Fetishist Seeks Used Mattress

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Skinny-D)

I’m not going to speculate why human dumpster fire and EPA Director Scott Pruitt was seeking a used mattress, and nor am I to judge another man’s kinks (especially a fossil fuel fetishist), but, ewww, gross.

Take it away, Bess Levin (from her nightly email thingie, sadly no link):

“Since news broke that Environmental Protection Agency chief Scott Pruitt maintained a strict policy of staying as far away from coach as possible, insisting instead on flying first class, business, or private for “safety” reasons, we’ve been treated to a deluge of anecdotes supporting his candidacy for Most Blatantly Corrupt Trump Official. In addition to his luxe travel habits, it has emerged that Pruitt: had a shady housing agreement with an energy lobbyist; installed an illegal $43,000 phone booth in his office; spent more than $3,000 on fancy pens and journals; let a foreign agent and longtime-pal plan his $100,000 trip to Morocco; wined and dined an accused child molester; went over the White House’s head to give giant raises to two loyalistsallegedly made travel decisions based on his “desire to visit particular cities or countries” and thereafter instructed staff to find him something to do in those locations to justify the use of taxpayer funds; allegedly directed staff to “find reasons for [him] to travel to Oklahoma, so [he] could be in his home state for long weekends at taxpayers’ expense,” where he has seemingly been laying the groundwork for a run for office; reportedly insisted on “the use of lights and sirens to transport [him] more quickly through traffic to the airport, meetings, and social events on numerous occasions”; and reportedly demoted or reassigned at least five E.P.A. officials after they raised “concerns” about his habit of using taxpayer money as though it was his own personal slush fund. On Monday, however, a slightly different charge against the administrator surfaced: that he’s some sort of sicko who enjoys sleeping on previously owned mattresses.

“According to a new report from The Washington Post, back in September, Millan Hupp, Pruitt’s director of scheduling and advance, called the Trump International Hotel in Washington to ask how much it would cost to buy one of its used mattresses. Specifically, Hupp, at Pruitt’s request, was on the hunt for a discount on a “Trump Home Luxury Plush Euro Pillow Top” mattress. While hotel staffers do occasionally help guests purchase Trump-branded furnishings, used mattresses, per the Post, “do not appear to be available.” Rather, Hupp told aides on the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee, Pruitt had “spoken with someone at the Trump hotel who had indicated there could be a mattress he could purchase, an old mattress he could purchase,” and that the administrator “had expressed interest in securing a mattress” to her.

“This obviously raises a lot of questions, the least of which is whether or not the E.P.A. chief broke federal ethics rules that prohibit government employees from basically using subordinates as personal assistants. But the most pressing, of course, is why Pruitt was so dedicated to procuring a used mattress when he could have gotten a brand-new one for around the same price. While the Post says Pruitt has apparently attempted to “minimize his personal expenses since moving to Washington,” a standard queen version of the item he was after, without a box spring, costs $1,399 before tax and shipping, while a king retails at $1,750. Even if Pruitt got a 50-percent discount, the used mattress would have cost more than, say, a brand-new Serta Perfect Sleeper Seabright Eurotop Mattress, with money left over to splurge on the highly rated pillow topper. Which leaves us no other choice but to conclude that Pruitt is a weirdo who actively seeks out mattresses slept on by strangers. Like, he shows up to Sealys showrooms, cuts off the salesperson’s spiel—“this model is very popular and I think we’ve got a few left in stock“—and says, “That’s great but do you have anything someone’s recently died on?” (Another possibility is that he’s so devoted to kissing Trump’s ass that his bedding hunt stemmed from a six-year-old tweet in which the real-estate developer claimed his branded mattresses were “phenomenal.”)

“But it wouldn’t be a typical day in Trumpworld if we hadn’t also been privy to still more evidence of the E.P.A.’s chief’s unapologetically corrupt ways. In addition to asking Hupp to help him hunt for an apartment and arrange his personal travel to the Rose Bowl game, over the weekend we learned that Pruitt’s tickets to a college basketball game, which a spokesman said he paid for in cash, may have been a thank you from a coal baron for all Pruitt’s hard work gutting regulations:

It was one of the biggest games of the University of Kentucky basketball season, and Scott Pruitt had scored two of the best seats in the arena: a few feet from the action, in a section reserved for season-ticket holders who had donated at least $1 million to the university. The special access for Mr. Pruitt, the administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency, also included watching from the players’ entrance as the team streamed onto the court, and posing for a photo with a star player in the locker room area.

But there was more to the game last December than a superfan experience for Mr. Pruitt and his son, who joined him. They sat in seats belonging to Joseph W. Craft III, a billionaire coal executive who has engaged in an aggressive campaign to reverse the Obama administration’s environmental crackdown on the coal industry. Mr. Craft and his wife donated more than $2 million to support President Trump’s candidacy and inauguration. Mr. Pruitt’s attendance at the game, the details of which have not been previously reported, followed a year of regulatory victories for Mr. Craft, who maintains close ties to Mr. Pruitt even as he has lobbied the E.P.A. on issues important to his company, Alliance Resource Partners.

“None of which, one assumes, will have any impact on Pruitt’s continued employment, as the president has made clear there is virtually nothing this guy can do to get fired, as long as he’s gutting Obama-era regulations and treating the environment like a mattress so foul it belongs in a Russian hotel room.”

That’s the funniest thing I read all night.

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3 Responses to Local Fossil Fuel Fetishist Seeks Used Mattress

  1. roket says:

    Are our country a banana republic yet?

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    • Bananas are too ‘south of the border’ and healthy for this administration. We are now a taco bowl republic, as those were invented in the good ol’ USA.

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      • Infidel753 says:

        Republic schmepublic. We’re becoming an oil sheikhdom.

        Pruitt is some piece of work. I’m not sure how much more of this swamp-draining the country can take.

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