In Which Bankers Forgot The GOP’s Safe Word (UPDATED)

Bankers have enjoyed a beautiful friendship with Congressional Republicans, who have kissed back with a slobbering, wet kind of love, such that some suspicious types might, um, suspect that they were whoring it up. A match made, well, not in heaven, but places further south, if you know I mean and I think you do.

Anyway, it seemed banks could do no wrong in the G.O.P.’s lovestruck, Nancy Reagan-style gaze.

Hate it when those customers you’ve screw over sue you? Out with the rule that would’ve prevented YOU from forcing THEM into arbitration!

Turning in record profits? Perhaps you NEED the Billions for Billionaires tax cuts!

Suffocating under the constraints of regulations put in place after you destroyed the global economy? Let the Republicans set you at ease.

In other words, “Who’s your daddy?,” the Bankers are saying, and “You are!,” the GOP replies in pornstar moans, and assumes the position (hand outstretched to receive bags of Ameros. What did you think?).

So imagine the confusion of the Bankers when suddenly the  blush is off the rose, so to speak. Gone are the days of lavish Republican tongue baths.

What happened, you ask?

Citigroup imposed new gun control policies on its clients, like age restrictions and background checks, and Bank of America said it would stop lending money to clients who manufacture military-style assault weapons. It seems “Guns” was the safe word, and the Bankers didn’t honor it.

When Citigroup arrived at the Securities and Exchange Commission for what they expected to be a meeting about derivatives regulation (you know, the thing that destroyed the global economy), instead they got a lecture on guns, and no knobbers from their hookers.

It seems the bank’s new policy hadn’t gone over so well with the Republicans on the S.E.C. committee, who tore into them for straying into social policy.

Michael Piwowar reminded Citigroup that they were given billions in government bailout money after the financial crisis and, in a cheesy mafia movie’s thinly veiled threat voice (only guessing, of course), told them he “knew Citigroup wanted the S.E.C. to ease regulations on derivatives and proprietary trading, and suggested they might have trouble finding the votes on the Republican-led commission.”

In other words, he put the horse’s head into the bed.

But wait! There’s more!

Well-named  Sen. Mike Crapo, in his role as Senate Banking Committee Chairman, wrote a letter to both banks, scolding them for using their market power to manage social policy, and saying that banks “should not deny financial services to customers they disfavor.”

(Which is rich coming from Crapo who is no friend of the ‘Mo’s.)

But wait! There’s still MORE!

Representative Todd Rokita asked the General Services Administration to cancel a contract with Citigroup:

“This flagrant disregard for American citizens and their God-given Second Amendment rights cannot be tolerated.”

Not to be outdone, Senator John Kennedy announced that he planned to file a complaint with the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau against the banks for their “offensive” conduct.

“Our friends at Citigroup and Bank of America apparently aren’t busy enough with their banking business. They have decided that they are going to set policy for the Second Amendment.”

So there you have it. Give the GOP money, blow up the global economy, and all is forgiven. Try to save kids from being mown down by guns, and the Republicans turn on you like a rat in a drain.

UPDATE 1:

B of A has caved.

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15 Responses to In Which Bankers Forgot The GOP’s Safe Word (UPDATED)

  1. RWW says:

    So isn’t that Consumer Protection Bureau the thing that McMulveiny is in charge of imploding from within? I’m sure Senator Kennedy’s complaint will be shuffled to the top of the pile of complaints that have been ignored since the new multitasking manager illegally took over. All those ignored complaints are about real consumers being defrauded, but Kennedy’s complaint is all about poutrage.

    Like

  2. Osirisopto says:

    But what about the invisible hand of the free market?

    Like

  3. Redhand says:

    “This flagrant disregard for American citizens and their God-given Second Amendment rights cannot be tolerated.”

    Wow. Just wow.

    Like

    • That’s why the Constitution starts with the words

      “Gawd We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, a White Male Slaveholder Theocracy does ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America”

      Don’t you ever READ the thing??

      Like

  4. roket says:

    Um, do the republicans really want to make banks their enemies? I would recommend they take on the insurance companies as well. What have they got to lose?

    Liked by 1 person

    • osirisopto says:

      It’s more like they were whining to their John’s about how their Pimp will beat them.

      So what if a couple of them stood up on their hind legs and spouted off. They’re unlikely to be reelected this year, and probably already have a lobbying gig lined up.

      Like

  5. Hello. The GOP/Republicans should be ashamed of themselves! They’re not patriots, they’re sell-outs & robber Barons!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. tengrain says:

    Montreal is lovely, and today was as perfect as weather can be, so I am only just now learnining that Comrade Stupid addressed the NRA convention on Friday. I’m appalled.

    Maybe the upside is that the Yutes of Today will see what a rat bastard he is ( and the GOP are) and rally around Team Blue. Not perfect, but better than the guys who would put targets on their backs for a buck.

    Rgds,

    TG

    Like

    • Jim says:

      Actually, this is the fourth year in a row that he has done this and two years as President. No other president as done this. It was the usual Trump rambling, steaming pile of horse manure.

      Like

  7. Randall says:

    GOD-given right to own guns? GOD given? That phrase always makes me laugh and shake my head.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Pingback: Did Bank Of America Cave To Gun Lobby Because The GOP Congress Threatened Them? – NEWSFUZZ

  9. Pingback: Did Bank Of America Cave To Gun Lobby Because The GOP Congress Threatened Them? – Liberal View News

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