The Fargo Preznintcy


When we last checked in with Dr. Harold Bornstein—who declared in writing in 2015 that Filet-o-Fish’s only known enthusiast, Candidate Stupid, would be “the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency.”

Bornstein said that his most famous patient, stable genius  and genetically superior Comrade Trump takes Propecia to treat male-pattern baldness.

Scissorheads have long suspected that Comrade Trump affixes the pelts of animals Lenny and Squiggy shoot atop his head and attempts to pass them off as his own hair, so this was news that confirms our basest of suspicions.

Anyway, something about the interview clearly set off the Prznint, because shortly after Dr. Bornstein’s little chit-chat with the Times, this happened:

In February 2017, a top White House aide who was Trump’s longtime personal bodyguard, along with the top lawyer at the Trump Organization and a third man, showed up at the office of Trump’s New York doctor without notice and took all the president’s medical records.

The incident, which Dr. Harold Bornstein described as a “raid,” took place two days after Bornstein told a newspaper that he had prescribed a hair-growth medicine for the president for years.

According to Bornstein, Trump’s former bodyguard Keith Schiller directed Bornstein to take down a framed photo of him with Trump. Bornstein told NBC that he felt “raped, frightened, and sad” during and after the incident. The man clearly has deep feelings if losing a picture of the Orange Menace, thumbs erect and rictus grin should scar his psyche so. Buck-up, Doc. Into every life a little rain must fall.

When asked about the episode, White House Press Secretary Elmira Gantry Huckabee-Sanders said that taking medical records is “standard operating procedure for a new president” and that to describe it as a “raid” would be a mischaracterization.

“Those records were being transferred over to the White House Medical Unit, as requested,” Elmira said. She did not confirm nor deny that the files were seized in reaction to Bornstein telling the Times that the Preznint’s dome would be bald as an egg if not for Propecia. The Doc notes that Trump cut ties with him after the story was published. Odd, that.

Anyway, Bornstein can find some succor in that his precious records were turned over to Dr. Ronny Jackson, the former/current White House pill dispenser who withdrew his nomination for V.A. secretary. “This is like a celebration for me,” Bornstein said.

Bornstein also confesses that the fantastical assessment of the heath of the owner of Merde-a-Lardo That he released in 2015 actually was dictated by Comrade Stupid hisself:

“I didn’t write that letter,” Bornstein said. “I just made it up as I went along. That’s black humor, that letter. That’s my sense of humor. It’s like the movie Fargo: It takes the truth and moves it in a different direction.”

The Fargo Preznintcy has a nice ring to it.

This entry was posted in 2016 Goat Rodeo, 4th Reich, Comrade Preznint Stupid, The Russian Usurper and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to The Fargo Preznintcy

  1. The Fargo Preznintcy has a nice ring to it.

    Well someone’s going into a wood chipper at some point then…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. RWW says:

    The strange thing is that the esteemed Dr. Jackson in his glowing report on Dear Leader’s superior healthiness stated clearly that he had not reviewed any past medical records. So, just maybe the whole thing about the “standard procedure” of the White House medical office receiving the in-coming president’s past medical records is another huge lie. Also/too it didn’t sound as if Dr. Bornstein voluntarily gave up these records or that this action was a “request” of any kind. Since this strong-arm robbery occurred in NYC, maybe state officials should get on this immediately!


  3. Sir Nigel says:

    Hair Fewer

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Steve-O says:

    TG- shouldn’t it be “Trump’s Top Lawyer THIS WEEK…”?
    Just asking.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. roket says:

    Interesting. Donnie Dorko’s private goons continue to do his bidding even after he’s elected preznint.


  6. JDM says:

    Indeed. Where did the records go, since the White House doctor said he didn’t have access to them?


  7. AuroraS says:

    There’s a LOT of disingenuous showmanship going on here that can’t be simply chalked up to rank stupidity. First, as a doctor, Bornstein has to know that revealing any information about a patient (including what he prescribes) without express written permission by the patient is a violation of HIPAA, and he can get in some really deep shit for that—civil or criminal. If Dolt45 wanted to punish him for sharing that information without his consent, all he’d have to do is take him to court. Likewise, the patient’s records (actually a misnomer: they don’t belong to the patient, they are the doctor’s records on the patient) cannot be obtained or viewed by anyone—not even the patient—without the patient filling out a signed request and release form. Even when patient records are subpoenaed, the patient has to give signed consent to have them released. (The patient also has to pay for a copy, as paper and ink is not free, which is often the subject of many a pissy phone call.) This is a “one time thing” rather than an all-access pass to revealing shit about the patient forever.

    So Cheeto Benito gave his consent for Bornstein to reveal his health information to the press, and this “raid” business was probably sensationalized. It’s probable that Velveeta Voldemort wasn’t paying attention to what he was signing and didn’t like what was being said because he’s vain as fuck, but also that this is a dog and pony show initiated by the press and Bornstein for attention.


    • RWW says:

      I don’t particularly care about Bornstein’s legal jeopardy, however it was also reported that Cheetolini told multiple people about his use of Propecia before Bornstein ever said anything about it. All that is beside the point that a CRIME was probably committed in obtaining these records from Bornstein and it was a crime likely ordered by Trump himself. It certainly merits investigation. Lastly, where are the records now, what was Dr. Jackson’s involvement and what other scandals did this robbery intend to hide?


      • AuroraS says:

        Protocol for the transfer of patient records to a new doctor is the same as it is for transfer of records to anyone else—the patient signs the records release form and indicates the new doctor as the recipient (though if they were smart, they’d get a copy of their own records and dole them out accordingly). In most doctors offices, patient records are stored electronically, so jackbooted thugs would have to come in and steal everyone’s computers.

        It’s possible that all of this could’ve been done illegally; it seems likely that it’s technically not but being twisted into another episode of Reality Teevee America. Ultimately, the more dangerous result is that the narrative of “jackbooted thugs raid stuff at the whims of our petty president* because his feelings were hurt” is being normalized.


  8. MDavis says:

    In other news, does anyone know whose house this is?


  9. Big Bad Bald Bastard says:

    I bet the third raider was the third client- Sean Hannity.


  10. osirisopto says:

    I bet he’s talked to a real lawyer and discovered the NDA trump made him sign was written by a idiot working for a moron and was neither signed, or notarized.

    Now, c’mon doc tell us the truth, when you told him to turn his and cough, were you snickering?


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