Paul Ryan You’re Fired’ed The Chaplain!


Eddie Munster’s evil twin, PX90 enthusiast Paul Ryan of granny-starving fame, has once again poked his nose out of Galt’s Gulch and done his mistress’ bidding: he fired Reverend Patrick Conroy, who was the House chaplain since 2011.

It’s no secret that ZEGS has long fantasized about taking away the soup from Oliver and giving Tiny Tim’s crutch to Scrooge to mount over the fireplace, and to a large extent he was able to do so with his Billions for Billionaires tax cut bill. And in his triumph he announced his Mission Accomplished and planned to retire, probably to feast on the remains of the downtrodden and work on his washing dishes pantomime routine. A man needs a hobby, after all.

Rev. Conroy sealed his doom on Nov. 6 — the first day of the markup on the GOP’s tax bill —when he urged lawmakers, in prayer no less— to ensure the legislation did not exacerbate the nation’s gaping class disparities.

“God of the universe, we give You thanks for giving us another day. Bless the Members of this assembly as they set upon the work of these hours, of these days. . . . As legislation on taxes continues to be debated this week and next, may all Members be mindful that the institutions and structures of our great Nation guarantee the opportunities that have allowed some to achieve great success, while others continue to struggle. May their efforts these days guarantee that there are not winners and losers under new tax laws, but benefits balanced and shared by all Americans.”

…”Soon,” Ryan thought.

ZEGS was furious and wanted the Heretic burned like a Trump Steak.

“House Chaplain Patrick Conroy’s sudden resignation has sparked a furor on Capitol Hill, with sources in both parties saying he was pushed out by Speaker Paul Ryan. Conroy’s own resignation announcement stated that it was done at Ryan’s request. “As you have requested, I hereby offer my resignation as the 60th Chaplain of the United States House of Representatives,” the April 15 letter to Ryan, obtained by The Hill, states.”

According to The Hill, Wingnuttia ran some cover for ZEGS, one source claimed that “some of the more conservative evangelical Republicans didn’t like that the Father had invited a Muslim person to give the opening prayer.”

But Opinions Differ, as they say: Ryan “took issue with a prayer on the House floor that could have been perceived as being critical of the G.O.P. tax cut bill.” According to a Democratic aide, Conroy’s ouster was “largely driven by [the] speech on the tax bill that the speaker didn’t like.”

AshLee Strong, a spokesperson for the speaker, declined to explain the personnel decision, noting only Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi and her office “were fully read in and did not object.”

Says Pelosi’s office: “Leader Pelosi was given advance notice by Speaker Ryan,” said a Pelosi spokesman, but she “also made it clear to Speaker Ryan that she disagreed with this decision.”

Of course, Ryan could have forced Dude to resign for legitimate reasons? You betcha, and pigs could fly outta my butt.

But this is exactly the straw that breaks the camel’s back in his book (Atlas Shrugged). Having the Noive, as Buggs Bunny would say, to suggest that a $1.5 trillion tax cut should help all Americans and not just the already-rich and Corporations (they are people, my friend!)? That’s heresy!

And we all know that Gawd is a wholly-owned corporation of  Wingnuttia Orthodoxy, Inc., so Rev. Conroy, besides being fired, is undoubtedly going straight to Hell.

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8 Responses to Paul Ryan You’re Fired’ed The Chaplain!

  1. Big Bad Bald Bastard says:

    “Will no one rid me of this turbulent priest?”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. “The Founder of the Feast, indeed!” cried Mrs. Cratchit, … He’ll be very merry and very happy, I have no doubt!”


  3. roket says:

    So republicans fire the House Chaplain for pointing out the error of their ways but give the President of France a standing ovation for doing the same? The dichotomy of the republicans is fricking mind-boggling. No wonder Trump can get away with murder. He’s in a position of authority.


  4. ming says:

    Just for the record, religion of any denomination shouldn’t be pat of the f…ing government anyway.


  5. ming says:

    Part dammit! I don’t know anyone named Pat.


  6. purplehead says:

    They should fire all the fu¢king damned chaplains and clerics. They have no place being in our government.


  7. Dimitrios says:

    I guess nobody told ZEGS that was privileged worshiper/Deity communication

    Liked by 1 person

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