News That Will Drive You To Drink

Happy Hour News Briefs

Our post tonight is a movie review, of sorts, from Barbwire, the blog-like thingie from Matt Barber, the man who only thinks about hot, sweaty man-on-man sex with thighs like pistons that can pump all night. The movie is Marvel Comics Black Panther, and the reviewer is the very white James Tennant. Seriously white. Imagine Tilda Swinton fighting a Yeti (who was raised as a cavefish underground) in a vat of mayonnaise in the middle of the Alps during a blizzard. On over exposed film.

You’re close.

Anyway, what does Tennant think of the film?

Spoiler Alert:


Oh, my.

Anyway, Tennant starts off wanting us to know that as a child he was an aficionado of comic books, no effete hater of the genre is he!

“I remember skipping down to the corner store to spend my allowance on comic books. You could get eight for a buck back then. Most of my friends were collectors too; mom would often find us trading on the doorstep.”

I bet he was trade. But I interrupted. Do continue.

“The Marvel storylines were more sophisticated and the script was edgier than the campy DC Comics offerings of the day. Still, good inevitably triumphed over evil and love of country shone through. This reflected the spirit of the times. It was, I believe, a wholesome environment for a boy to thrive in.”

Thriving boys. Got it.

“Recently, the convincing optics of CGI has blasted the comic world onto the big screen, projecting us right into its alternative realities. Although I enjoy this medium, I reminisce over those old halftone printed pages. I miss the old spirit there. For a new spirit that does not admire America or perceive it as a force for good in the world permeates much of our entertainment. Our movies often advocate for those who see America merely as an agent of oppression. Black Panther is one such ambassador.”

Oh, dear. It’s another wingnut longing for The Song of the South Disney days.

“The marquee character is the ruler of a technically-advanced African nation called Wakanda. King T’Challa is transformed into the super powered Black Panther via an occult ritual and he uses the futuristic technology of his kingdom to equip his alter-ego.”

Occult? Oh, dear. The Xristian Xrazies are gonna…

“While noting Black Panther’s nod to pagan religion, Focus On The Family recommends it for its solid messages, “praising service to others, the importance of global unity (coming from a Christian site, an alarming endorsement) and the importance of fatherhood.”

Oh. Maybe I’m wrong? I should offer my regrets… say, what?

“Many other sites give it glowing reviews, while few comment on its racist overtones.”


“And yes, the movie’s racism can easily go unnoticed, being not nearly as overt as, say, a Jeremiah Wright sermon or a lecture on “white privilege” at Oberlin. For instance, when T’Challa’s sister refers to the white CIA agent Everett Ross as “colonizer” your ears might prick slightly. But we are so accustomed to black victimology narratives that it is easy to pass Shuri’s racial slur off as justified, or at least a mere aside to the story, unimportant.”

…and we’re off to the racists (so to speak).

“In an interview on The View, Lupita Nyong’o, who plays T’Challa’s love interest in the movie, opines, “We come from a continent of great wealth, but a continent that has been abused, and exploited. So oftentimes what colonialism did was it rewrote our history.”

“Apparently, foreign interlopers are responsible for Africa not becoming the bastion of technological genius, environmentalism and gender equalitarianism it was destined to be.”

And from there it goes downhill with great alacrity. The author does everything short of citing The Bell Curve and pledging allegiance to William Schockley, to make the case that really, it is the White Man’s Burden, and no, Gunga Din is not a better man.

This entry was posted in racism, White Punks on Dope. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to News That Will Drive You To Drink

  1. ‘Global unity’ is apparently unchristian? I swear, most of these so-called “Christians” would probably drive Christ himself to bitchslap them. Repeatedly. On BOTH cheeks.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. roket says:

    James Tennant does not like being called a Colonizer. He prefers Benevolent Dictator or Knight in Shining Armor.


  3. Paul Fredine says:

    european empires fought the indigenous peoples for control of their territories and considered them colonies (as they did the americas at one time) but suddenly it’s some kind of insult to call them ‘colonizers’/’colonized’? i’m sure barber and tennant would prefer ‘liberated from their heathenism and certain damnation into the light of godly whiteness’.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I’m certain of it, since that’s pretty much verbatim the language that the colonizers used. 500 quatloos that Tennant has a well thumbed copy of Kipling’s poetry that he considers the ‘epitome of fine littritchere.’

      He’s someone who would read Conrad’s ‘The Heart of Darkness’ like Teddy Cruz reads ‘Green Eggs and Ham’ ie: by missing the goddamn point entirely.


  4. Dimitrios says:

    My family wasn’t that well off, so I got little in the way of an allowance, but I did have a library card and the library was only a longish walk from my house. I never picked up the comic book habit, My superheros were The Scarlet Pimpernel, Tarzan, Allan Quatermain, Mowgli and Sherlock Holmes. Racists, colonizers, and warriors all, and not a puling Christian psalm-singer among the lot of them.

    And I can’t see that they damaged me any. I enjoyed them thoroughly as a lad, and when the time came, I put away childish constructs.

    Liked by 2 people

Comments are closed.