News That Will Drive You To Drink

Happy Hour News Briefs

Xristian Xrazie sex scold and noted boycott queen Linda Harvey pushed her snout out of her mud hut and it smelled like Spring. Little shoots of green were peeking out of the soil, the birds were chirping, and Linda sensed that soon, rutting season would begin. Linds sighed deeply, and glanced at her WaterPik.

And that’s when she decided the nexus of the ‘mos and the ‘hos are to blame for Gawd’s wrath upon us. Or something. You see, the ‘mos can’t have bebes and the ‘hos are ‘bortin’ bebes, so they must be in league! The Ultimate in Conspiracies, amiright?

Actually, I’m not sure what her point really is, but that’s never stopped her from speechifying about the horror of people getting their freak-on, while she sits in her hut, fuming, and swearing to her ancestors that no one will ever accuse her of licentiousness. Ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, as she opens her folders of sexual anarchists and reaches for the WaterPik, kicks the diesel engine on and takes aim.

You know, Linda, a little less of the Old Testament and a little more of that dirty hippy Jeebus and the Beatitudes would do you a world of good. Or knowing that your New Testament has (probably) never been cracked open (um, so to speak?), how about you read the Song of Songs? You know, the really dirty love poem in the front of the book?

Linda, the ineffability of the Almighty is beyond your grasp (and certainly beyond your reach, and apologies to the poet Browning), but shouldn’t you consider that all of us, with all our faults and many charms are part of His Ineffable Plan? How can you say that humanity is created in His Image if you refuse a large chunk of humanity?

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13 Responses to News That Will Drive You To Drink

  1. ming says:

    I guess it sucks to be Linda Harvey.

    Like

  2. But wait wait wait. I thought Savior Grand Ruler Trump righted all problems, solved all moral dilemmas, and made America Correct, Proper, and Great again. He is abolishing the browns and allowing the slaughter of schoolchildren, in accordance with the Commandment of the Gun. Also, he is having proper, monetary sex with not-wives. So how can there still be terror and horror and non-reproductive sex?

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Randall says:

    You see to what madness one can be led when one starts from a position of nonsense?
    Nonsense like virgin birth, talking snake, magic bushes, magic sky-wizard, magic this, magic that?
    Maybe Linda needs to read her Bible better — Jesus said LOVE people, not hate. No exceptions.

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  4. A. says:

    “…reaches for the WaterPik…”

    Reaches for WaterPik? I know I’m getting old, but is there some use for a WaterPik other than for cleaning teeth that only God-hatin’ wimmen know about? Is that why a WaterPik comes with multiple “heads”?

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  5. roket says:

    Unlike the ‘mos, Linda Harvey had a choice and she chose poorly.

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  6. w3ski4me says:

    Well said Sir. Well said. I see where Jesus talked about Love Your Brother, I don’t see that he ever said kick them when they are down. Picking and choosing who is good was not left up to us hoomins. Well said.
    w3ski

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  7. Farb Sklarb says:

    “Peeking,” not “peaking.”

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  8. Pingback: Right Wing Christianist Linda Harvey Way Too Interested In 'Sexual Anarchy' – NEWSFUZZ

  9. talis says:

    I heard that the so-called lady uses that Waterpik for something other than cleaning her gums.

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  10. Pingback: Right Wing Christianist Linda Harvey Way Too Interested In 'Sexual Anarchy' – Liberal View News

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