News That Will Drive You To Drink

Happy Hour News Briefs

Alabama Slammed Him

Hey guys, remember him? →

The boy every ’80s mother hoped her daughter didn’t bring home from the mall, especially because he was approaching middle age?

Yeah, him. Judge Roy Moore!

Anyway, it seems he needs Ameros for various law suits being brought against his gawdly self:

“I now face another vicious attack from lawyers in Washington D. C. and San Francisco who have hired one of the biggest firms in Birmingham Alabama to bring another legal action against me and ensure that I never fight again.

“However, I will trust God that he will allow truth to prevail against the unholy forces of evil behind their attack.

“I have lawyers who want to help but they are not without cost and besides their fees, legal expenses could run over $100,000. I have had to establish a “legal defense fund, anything you give will be appreciated.”

Oh, noes! San Francisco? That can mean only one thing…

“Gays, lesbians, and transgenders have joined forces with those who believe in abortion, sodomy, and destruction of all that we hold dear. Unless we stand together we will lose our Country.”

Yup. That sounds about right. And Roy Moore is all that stands between us and the powers of darkness… what’s that, Roy?


“Can Ah watch y’all bump uglies,” he didn’t whisper to the hot dyke-looking high schooler at Forever 21. “Ah’m buyin’ if y’all are tryin’.”

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10 Responses to News That Will Drive You To Drink

  1. roket says:

    Tell it to the Judge.


  2. Nora Daly says:

    Get behind me you loser!


  3. HarpoSnarx says:

    “Oh Roid. Why don’t you go to the mall.” said his Bless Yer Heart Missus.


  4. Bruce388 says:

    Here’s hoping sodomy kicks his ass.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. vonBeavis says:

    The dude’s Facebook page is riddled with scissorheadish snarky comments.

    Good times.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. paul fredine says:

    i guess he just can’t survive on all those ‘thoughts and prayers’.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Feline Mama says:

    Hire god as your lawyer. I’m sure, for you, he’ll work Pro Bono. Problem solved. That’ll be $50.00, roy.


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