News That Will Drive You To Drink

Happy Hour News Briefs

“Looks like you’re trying to defraud the Federal government.”

Ars Technica alerts us to the world’s dumbest super criminals:

“Yesterday, federal prosecutors unsealed a new indictment against former Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort. The indictment contains new evidence that Manafort hid millions of dollars in overseas income from US authorities, and it charges Manafort and his associate Richard Gates with numerous counts of tax and bank fraud.

“The indictment also suggests that Manafort’s lack of technology savvy helped prosecutors build a case against Manafort and Gates. The pair allegedly submitted a variety of fraudulent documents to lenders in order to borrow money against properties purchased with overseas funds—funds that were never reported to the IRS. One reason prosecutors were able to build a paper trail against the pair: Manafort needed Gates’s help to convert a PDF document to Word format and back again.”

A paper train an inch deep and a mile wide. Those mooks  emailed the documents back and forth.

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13 Responses to News That Will Drive You To Drink

  1. Pupienus Maximus says:

    I am self funding and will hire the best people, not the biggest donors!

    The best people.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. donnah says:

    Manafort and Gates should be convicted and imprisoned just for being idiots.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. roket says:

    This is frigging hilarious. Quick Manafort, plead guilty now before they make you look really stupid.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Karla says:

    I am laughing my ass off about this. This is awesome!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Pre-employment screening for potential accomplices:

    Can you convert a PDF document to a Word document and save it as a new PDF document? Please tell me how you would accomplish this.

    Liked by 1 person

    • As an IT person in my day job, I have personally witnessed the staggeringly rubegoldbergian extent to which people will go to accomplish things on a computer. This is strictly low-rent.

      I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. someone send us a helpdesk message about a error message on their screen by taking a blurry picture of the screen with their cellphone, emailing the picture to themselves, pasting it into a Word doc…sideways….and mailing the doc as an attachment to us.

      At least this time the cellphone picture wasn’t reduced to postage-stamp size.


      • osirisopto says:

        Personal experience – Working in a One Hour Photo lab in the late 80’s a woman became very angry when she picked up her film. Accusing us of removing her baby’s smile and insisting we put it back. She was red-faced, shouting and pissed. The manager earned his extra $1.50 more than minimum wage that day.

        Not personal experience – Working in a commercial photo lab a woman brought her negatives from a trip to Yellowstone showing deer running away. She asked if the lab could turn the deer around to see their faces.


      • Karla says:

        I have personal experience that most people think is an urban legend.
        Back in the mainframe / teletype-style terminal / dedicated data line days, one of our customers had notoriously bad air conditioning, and whenever the temp in their office got above 85, their terminal would go down. So in the summer, that’s what we always assumed anytime they called with an issue.
        One day they called, and I answered. When they told me they were down, I asked all the “is it hot in there” questions, and was told that no, it was not hot at all in there. So I started the rundown of which terminal lights were on steady, or blinking, or off. None of the ones I expected were on. I went through the list again, and the teller told me, “none of our lights are on.” I said, “wait, none of YOUR lights, or none of the TERMINAL lights?” She said “none of the lights – it’s pretty dark in here.” All their power had gone off, and they called us because their terminal wasn’t communicating with our mainframe. I did a bit of a primal scream after I hung up the phone.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Bruce388 says:

        Obviously this goes back a few years to the 5.25″ floppies– I was in a networking class and during a break we started trading Help Desk stories. One guy told a user, over the phone, to take the floppy out of the jacket. He heard ripping sounds. Another guy told the user to put the floppy in the drive and shut the door. He heard footsteps, then a door closing.

        I’m sure things are MUCH better now.


  6. Donald Westlake would have rejected them as characters in a Dortmunder book for being too unbelievable..


  7. And someone else is going to be unhappy…from the Ars article:

    An employee at this lender, who was apparently aware of Manafort’s ruse, replied back, “Looks Dr’d. Can someone just do a clean excel doc and pdf to me?”

    Oopsie daisy. Lenders knowingly using fraudulent docs for loans are, oh, what’s the word….it’ll come to me…on the tip of my tongue…oh yeah!

    “Complicit, the signature fragrance of the Trump Administration”

    Liked by 1 person

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