Open for Bidness

“Which dimension am I in today?”

Last night our government shut down for the second time in three weeks and re-opened this morning. Take it away, Axios:

AP bulletin, midnight: “The U.S. government shut down at midnight, as Congress misses deadline to pass spending bill.”

  • AP bulletin, 1:53 a.m.: “Senate passes budget deal and spending measure to reopen shuttered federal government, sending bill to the House.”
  • AP bulletin, 5:33 a.m.: “House narrowly passes bipartisan budget measure, ending government shutdown.”

What happened while you (hopefully) slept, via the WashPost:

  • “The Senate passed a sweeping bipartisan spending bill [this] morning, [after] the federal government [briefly] shut down when Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.) delayed the vote past midnight to complain about the budget deficit.”

Schrödinger’s Senator, the physics paradox known in this dimension as Rand Paul, a man from the multiverse where anything is possible including being elected in the 2016 Goat Rodeo and being elected to the Senate or both or neither can happen at the same time or never  hates all government spending, and so he was beside himself (which only a physics paradox can do) at the prospect of hundred of billions of beautiful Ameros being spent on, well, anyone who isn’t Rand Paul. Sen. Ayn Rand used a parliamentary maneuver to ensure that the vote took place after midnight, thus shutting down our gubmint, you know, so his Atlas Shrugged fanboi club would be sure to know that he was on it.

“‘It’s a colossal waste of time,’ said Sen. John Thune (R-S.D.). ‘He never gets a result.’ ‘He’s tilting at windmills. Don Quixote, you know,’ said Sen. Richard Shelby (R-Ala.).”

Comrade Trump is expected to sign it between bites of his Egg McMuffin Happy Meal during a commercial break of Petunia and Pals.

The numbers:

  • Senate: 71 to 28
  • House: 240 to 186
  • Dreamers: 0
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3 Responses to Open for Bidness

  1. Retiredeng says:

    Rand Paul floats to the top of the punch-able faces list. Again.


  2. roket says:

    Gosh. I hope these idiotic moves don’t start affecting the stock market.


  3. Well, since he’s so deeply committed to his principles about the deficit, he voted against the Tax bill of course, right?

    Dec. 20, 2017 HR 1 Tax Cuts and Jobs Act Conference Report Adopted – Senate (51 – 48) Yea

    Ahh so it was just a little pissy fit on Rand’s part…


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