News That Will Drive You To Drink

Happy Hour News Briefs

Hey guys, remember Janet (née Folger) Porter, the crazy lady from Judge Roy Moore’s doomed campaign? We’ve been mocking Porter since back when she was a Folger. Anyway, let’s listen to what she has to say to our old pal Dr. Chaps:

Got that?

Porter brags that her stupid heart beat bill (which Gov. Kasich signed, thanks a lot) is actually a Trojan Horse (see what I did there), because as technology improves, we’ll be able to detect heartbeats sooner and sooner, and then, WHAMMO! No more abortions ever again, the end. Heartbeats will be heard before the woman even knows that she’s preggers, and no family planning for you. Slut.

So yes, we are awarding the Golden Schlafly to Janet (née Folger) Porter for excellence in Women Setting Back Women! She’s a strong contender for 2018 right outta the gate!

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4 Responses to News That Will Drive You To Drink

  1. The pregnant woman is guaranteed to have a heartbeat at the time of conception. NO special technology required. So weird she does not consider that the fetus-wrapper can also do things like talk and think.


  2. Big Bad Bald Bastard says:

    I bet she thinks that the embryo starts off as a tiny person, rather than a single cell which starts dividing when fertilized.


  3. Sirius Lunacy says:

    In the Bible, in the book of numbers, it says go get an abortion. Of course, it is Old Testament so it is not the woman’s choice, but the man who is supposed to send her to the priest for the abortion. It is a messy and painful procedure meant to punish the woman for getting pregnant, but that is the only place the Bible actually mentions abortion and obviously has no problem with the fetus being destroyed.


  4. RWW says:

    Every sperm is sacred…and has a heartbeat.


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