News That Will Drive You To Drink

Happy Hour News Briefs

Sweet Jeebus, the Freemasons and Illuminati are comin’ fer your vital juices, Possum Hollar! Don’t spill yer DNA or the Debbil is gonna getcha!!1!

I was surprised to learn that this person was not a crank caller, this Mark Taylor person was a guest on Wingnut Radio. All he left out was fluoride, and Lizard People, fat little goblins and he could make it to the next level: Alex Jones’ InfoWars!

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13 Responses to News That Will Drive You To Drink

  1. Ssssh don’t tell him they BEEN IN THE HOUSE ALL THE TIME!!!!

    Like

  2. Pat Day says:

    This MoFo needs to trade in his tinfoil cap for LAYERS of mold-able aluminum siding. A Thorazine Bazooka wouldn’t calm him down!!!

    Like

  3. Mr DeBakey says:

    I think the heart of the problem is in Florida [Florida, Fluoride – get it?]
    In Tampa they have these Devil Rays that are emanating across North America, and really, across the world.
    That’s why the Illuminati eliminated lead paint.
    You could be safe and protected in your well-painted house from these Devil Rays.
    Now there is nowhere to hide.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. roket says:

    I prefer to blame chemtrails.

    Like

  5. osirisopto says:

    He’s a sandwich short of a picnic, thats for sure.

    Like

  6. Sirius Lunacy says:

    Like

  7. RWW says:

    Queen Elizabeth II and Walter Mondale are in on it too..whatever IT is.

    Like

  8. paul fredine says:

    i realize it’s early, but….huh? WTF is he talking about?

    Like

  9. Pingback: News That Will Drive You To Drink | Mock Paper Scissors

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