Some Cream For Your Covfefe?
Last night was the night that Comrade Preznint Stupid’s teleprompter became president.
The Mango-Hued Shitgibbon got up on his hind legs and read (poorly) from a teleprompter! Who knew he was literate? He struggled with the opening bit, which was yet another attempt to condemn racism and proclaim American values of equality and non-discrimination (one wonders what trans people serving in the military thought about that line as Hair Führer kicks them out for being trans-people).
Once that shit was out of the way, he was more fluent in the weasel-speak written by Pee-Wee Goerring.
Oh, his “allergy” sniffles returned.
Anyway, Hair Führer’s new Afghan policy is to do what the black guy was doing, just with more white. And Commander Bunnypants told us that he was not going to tell us his plans because he doesn’t want to telegraph to the enema (seriously, he mispronounced enemy) his strategic plans. Given that our presence in Afghanistan is actually a NATO presence, that means he kinda-sorta has to let 39 other countries know what his plans are, but he think Americans are leakers to the Taliban?
Sure, we’ll go with that.
His other big announcement was something to do with nuclear-armed Pakistan, and I wasn’t sure if he was shaking them down, or telling them (shhh! no telegraphing!) that he wanted nuclear-armed India to give them the Whammie.
So, to summarize: We have no official idea of any policy change, no idea of any measurement of success, no idea of any troop increase, no idea of what this is gonna cost, no timeline, and we still do no know who put the lime in the coconut and drank it all up.
Which one of these is not like the others:
- CNN’s Fareed Zakaria: “What will 4,000 American troops do that 140,000 couldn’t do five years ago?”
- MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow: “We heard the president basically dismiss his previous self” and we heard him “start a new fight with Pakistan…”
- NYMag’s Olivia Nuzzi: “Did I miss the announcement of a new strategy or what”
- Tiger Beat on the Potomac’s Susan Glasser: “Bottom line: a few thousand more troops, no new policy. There’s nothing dramatic about it except that Trump acknowledged flipflop.”
- Fox’s Jack Keane: “We’ve finally got a commander in chief who speaks honestly…”
So an incoherent though somewhat conventional Afghanistan speech on Monday, Phoenix rally for white supremacists on Tuesday. Maybe maybe the pundits should save all of the analysis until at least Wednesday?
Oh, dear. Too late. WaPo’s Philip Rucker: “Tonight is a new President Trump: Acknowledging a flip-flop and talking about gravity of office, history & substance.”
We said to stay away from the ‘nip, Phil!