Happy Hour News Briefs
Hey guys, our old pal boycott queen Linda Harvey finished her sexual anarchist Pride Month rituals, poked her snout outside of her mud hut and has steeled herself to give us this very important Public Service Announcement about who we should be boycotting this month! Thanks Linds! You are a pal!
I’ll spare you the suspense so you don’t have to listen to the whole 48 minutes:
She wants you to boycott your children’s summer camp.
And you’ll never guess why!
The ‘mos are coming for Junior and Muffy!
Harvey warns us that:
“…any time there is any kind of same-sex environment… I mean boys together doing things together, girls together—it attracts the people that would take advantage of them, and then it will be someone of the same sex, so access is what these people want.”
I guess she’s never heard of opposite-sex pedophiles? You know like the adult male Baptist Youth Group leaders who seem to constantly be in the news for power-playing with the powerless, or the women middle school teachers who give the boys the ol’ after-school extra-credit biology lab.
“They want access to youth and access even to corruption. It might not be sexual, but it might just be moral corruption of some kind, their older peers who also are corrupted already. You know, so many kids are into pornography and homosexual pornography is part of that. You know, kids are sexualized early only online, you don’t even have to have somebody involved in it. So those may be the people that your kids are in a sleepover with or at camp with, you know, is these kids who are already highly sexualized and nobody may know it, but it’ll come out in the middle of the night.”
Yup. Linda has discovered online porn. Finding Dad’s Playboy spank bank is forgotten because: why? And that’s a right of passage that I think is pretty much universal, even in Possum Hollar. What ever happened to traditions? Anyway, I digress.
So thanks to Linda Harvey, there goes your week of not having Junior and Muffy underfoot. She ruined summer for the Yutes of Today (who now will have to go online for dirty jokes, and holy smokes!) and their hassled, harassed, time-deprived parents who were hoping for some downtime to do some sexualized sleepover stuff themselves.