News That Will Drive You To Drink

Happy Hour News Briefs

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Hey guys, our old pal boycott queen Linda Harvey finished her sexual anarchist Pride Month rituals, poked her snout outside of her mud hut and has steeled herself to give us this very important Public Service Announcement about who we should be boycotting this month! Thanks Linds! You are a pal!

I’ll spare you the suspense so you don’t have to listen to the whole 48 minutes:

She wants you to boycott your children’s summer camp.

And you’ll never guess why!

The ‘mos are coming for Junior and Muffy!

Harvey warns us that:

“…any time there is any kind of same-sex environment… I mean boys together doing things together, girls together—it attracts the people that would take advantage of them, and then it will be someone of the same sex, so access is what these people want.”

I guess she’s never heard of opposite-sex pedophiles? You know like the adult male Baptist Youth Group leaders who seem to constantly be in the news for power-playing with the powerless, or the women middle school teachers who give the boys the ol’ after-school extra-credit biology lab.

“They want access to youth and access even to corruption. It might not be sexual, but it might just be moral corruption of some kind, their older peers who also are corrupted already. You know, so many kids are into pornography and homosexual pornography is part of that. You know, kids are sexualized early only online, you don’t even have to have somebody involved in it. So those may be the people that your kids are in a sleepover with or at camp with, you know, is these kids who are already highly sexualized and nobody may know it, but it’ll come out in the middle of the night.”

Yup. Linda has discovered online porn. Finding Dad’s Playboy spank bank is forgotten because: why? And that’s a right of passage that I think is pretty much universal, even in Possum Hollar. What ever happened to traditions? Anyway, I digress.

So thanks to Linda Harvey, there goes your week of not having Junior and Muffy underfoot. She ruined summer for the Yutes of Today (who now will have to go online for dirty jokes, and holy smokes!) and their hassled, harassed, time-deprived parents who were hoping for some downtime to do some sexualized sleepover stuff themselves.

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9 Responses to News That Will Drive You To Drink

  1. Patricia Pedersen says:

    And to think I’m in my 74th year and I had no idea!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. HarpoSnarx says:

    Seems to me Frau Harvey is trying to do to herself what The Mooch accused Bannon of doing. Muffy indeed.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ten Bears says:

    Why do you think all those “christian” summer camps are way off in the woods somewhere?

    Like

  4. Jim says:

    Sick woman. I came from a lower middle class family that managed to send a couple of us boys to boy scout camp one summer and we loved it. We have provided our kids with productive summer environments (i.e. outdoor fun with times to also learn rural skills (e.g. cider-making/horse riding). We’ve done this in GOP country (rural, beautiful Shenandoah Co. Va) because we bought a ruined farm and have rebuilt it. Dialoguing with the locals is essential. Lot of Confederate flags among the houses but a lot of new people too (i.e. Hispanics, Asians and Yankees). They put new ideas in the local heads and make them frankly puzzled. Still, areas like this are undergoing rapid demographic change, which is hopeful and one reason why VA is purple trending blue. But I have little expectation of really changing voting behavior for the olds among them in this valley. And the young people with any education at all are just leaving. Sad, because with modest tech investment, this could be another miniature silicon valley only with scenic mountain scenery (and wine!)

    Like

  5. M. Bouffant says:

    Surely she doesn’t mean that boys & girls should be playing together? Because that will break down Gawd’s gender roles. Does she want little boys playing w/ dolls? Harr-rumph!!

    Also too, boys & girls together will lead to “playing doctor”. Whether or not there are any adults around.

    Better just to keep the brats locked in the basement all summer until home schooling starts again in Sep’t.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Osirisopto says:

    “I mean boys together doing things together, girls together—it attracts the people that would take advantage of them”

    Good thing for her, self awareness is not a x-tian strong point.

    Like

  7. paul fredine says:

    she most definitely believes in the one commandment that’s often left out of the studies in sunday school, ‘thou shalt not be allowed to have any fun’, also known as the ‘HEY! HANDS WHERE WE CAN SEE THEM!’ commandment.

    Like

  8. Pupienus Maximus says:

    Linda continues to make IMAX weep from feelings of inadequacy.

    Like

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