Happy Hour News Briefs
Our old pal Rev. Fishsticks has a piece up at SPLC-designated hate group American Family Association that takes a novel interpretation of the First Amendment to defend the small town of Belle Plaine, Minnesota from the Satanists who are coming for their souls:
“The city fathers of Belle Plaine, Minnesota, are doing their best to prevent satanists from erecting the first monument to the Prince of Darkness on public land, ever.
Satan coming to the heartland? I’m shocked. Shocked. Oh, and you’re wrong: Oklahoma got theirs first. Pobably an oil thing, as Satan is known for loving extractions.
“…In Veteran’s Park, next to the erection of a small monument depicting a soldier kneeling in prayer before the cross, satanists want to place a black cube with pentagrams inscribed on every visible surface. The city council doesn’t want it there.”
Oh, so it’s that weird compromise in which America will let anyone put up a religious statue on public land as long as we allow EVERYONE, even Satanists, to put up a statue on public land. What’s the dealio?
“The city’s leaders, flailing about to keep Satan from being giving an honored place in their community, are now considering eliminating any symbols of any religious significance at all, which would be a reprehensible victory for the voices of darkness and ignorance. “
Everyone or no one, I think that’s the way it works, Fishsticks. Let’s see your argument, counsel may present into evidence… what exactly?
“First, the satanists argue that the Christian monument violates the establishment clause of the First Amendment. This is hogwash. To begin with, the First Amendment was written by the Founders to restrain Congress and Congress alone, as its first word makes clear. To put it simply, Belle Plaine is not Congress and so couldn’t violate the First Amendment even if it deliberately set out to do it. “
Oh, lawd love a duck, really? That’s your best shot?
“Secondly, “establishment” had a precise and well-understood technical meaning at the time the Founders used it. It most decidedly did not mean to acknowledge God in the public square and say nice things about him. No, it meant to pick one Christian denomination, make it the official church of the United States, and compel people to support it with their taxes. Well, Belle Plaine couldn’t establish one Christian denomination as of the official church of the United States even it wanted to. “
Oh, that duck is well-loved. Do continue Rev..
“And since Congress – and by extension the entire federal government – is forbidden by the First Amendment to prohibit the free exercise of religion, what Belle Plaine does in its city parks is absolutely none of the federal government’s business under the Constitution as written by the Founders. “
Jeebus, Fishsticks, keep fucking that duck, but let the duck smoke a cigarette between bangings. I know I don’t have to explain the supremacy of the US Constitution to Scissorheads, but maybe Rev. Fishsticks might want to look it up sometime. Do Continue, Fishy!
“So whose decision is it, if it is not the Satanic Temple’s business, and it’s not the business of the federal government? Well, it is the business of the members of the city council of Belle Plaine, Minnesota. The Minnesota constitution makes this clear: “nor shall any man be compelled to attend, erect or support any place of worship, or to maintain any religious or ecclesiastical ministry, against his consent.”
(Fishsticks wrote “erect.” heh-heh-heh)
“‘Any man’ certainly includes the members of the Belle Plaine city council. And “erect” quite sensibly includes putting up religious monuments that in their judgment are contrary to the best interests of their community. They cannot be compelled to approve one of those against their consent. It’s right there in their own state constitution. “
The head, it bangs against the desk.
Fishsticks’ grasp of the Minnesota constitution is at least as good as his grasp of the US Constitution, that we can see. But maybe his reading comprehension might be less than par? Does the word compelled elude him? He thoughtfully emboldened it for us, but maybe it didn’t stick in his noggin?