Jefferson Beauregard Stonewall Sessions and the Last Crusade

Jeff Sessions Dance Party

Noted Xristian retailer of googly eyes and scrapbooking shit for the bored opioid’ed housewives of Possum Hollar, Hobby Lobby has gotten themselves in a wee bit of trouble for stealing religious antiquities from Iraq, probably for some sort of Last Crusade-style immortal life scheme. Hail Satan!

In 2010 and 2011, a series of packages were shipped to Hobby Lobby’s headquarters or one of the craft retailer’s affiliates. Shipping labels described the contents as clay tiles or tile samples of minimal value, but, according to federal prosecutors, they were actually valuable ancient artifacts of Iraqi origin being smuggled into the United States.

Hobby Lobby has now agreed to forfeit thousands of antiquities that it bought over the years — via a process that prosecutors say was “fraught with red flags” — and pay an additional $3 million to resolve any claims by the US government, according to court papers filed on Wednesday.

…The forfeiture comes as Green prepares to open the Museum of the Bible in Washington, DC, a project that he has spearheaded and that will reportedly feature items from his vast private collection of biblical artifacts. The forfeiture case filings don’t mention the museum, but the company said in a statement on Wednesday that Hobby Lobby had been buying artifacts over the years to share “with the world in public institutions and museums.”

…The head of the Justice Department’s Money Laundering and Asset Recovery Section will make the final decision about what happens to the artifacts.

So Jefferson Beauregard ‘Stonewall’ Sessions get to decide? I think we will soon see these things returned to Hobby Lobby in exchange for some bolts of white cloth. You know, for crafting purposes.

Housekeeping note: Back to the courthouse for another round of Jury Pooling.

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4 Responses to Jefferson Beauregard Stonewall Sessions and the Last Crusade

  1. Big Bad Bald Bastard says:

    It should be stressed that sales of looted antiquities is a major source of funding for ISIS. They should be prosecuted for providing material support to terrorists.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Sirius Lunacy says:

    lying, cheating and stealing are good Christian values doncha know. But if you ever think about using birth control you’re going straight to hell!


  3. HarpoSnarx says:

    Crooked Christianist money and crap-changer to the unMurican foreigner: “Again, we see there is nothing you can possess which I can’t take away.”
    Apologies to Dr. Jones.


  4. Bruce388 says:

    Slick Steve Green knew he couldn’t have a kickass Bible museum without some thievery.


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