Where Are They Now?

Men were jealous of Bentley’s animal magnetism, and women feared his pleasure…

If former AL Luv Guv. Robert Bentley sinned, it was the sin of loving too much, honey. Anyway, he resigned yesterday on a plea bargain to avoid doing hard time, if you know what I mean and I think you do.

Bentley pleaded guilty two to the two charges, both misdemeanors, according to District Attorney Ellen Brooks. Court documents released Monday show that he agreed to reimburse nearly $9,000 in campaign funds, pay $7,000 in fines, resign his post and not seek public office.

And without further ado, here’s his final speech as an elected politician:

“I’ve always believed the honor of serving as your governor is a calling that God placed on my life,” Bentley said in announcing his resignation. “Though I have sometimes failed, I have always tried to live up to the high expectations that people place on the person who holds this esteemed office. There have been times that I have let you and our people down, and I’m sorry for that.”

He added, “I can no longer allow my family, my dear friends, my dedicated staff and cabinet to be subjected to the consequences that my past actions have brought on them.

“I want you to know, I love our people with all my heart.”

“Sweet, Jeebus, NO!,” the people shouted back. “Anything but that.”

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6 Responses to Where Are They Now?

  1. tommyspoon says:

    Sweet Cheesus he got off easy! I hope is soon-to-be-ex-wife takes him to the proverbial cleaners.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. roket says:

    “I’ve always believed the honor of serving as your governor is like a Call Girl that God placed on my lap”

    TFIFY, Guv

    Liked by 1 person

  3. JTO says:

    Hmmm, I always thought that a call was an obligation to God, and for God, not for people…and when serving your call, you use your calling to sidestep in search of penis wax, you aren’t letting people down, you are letting God down. Which means it wasn’t much of a call at all…just a lame, super boring and completely unnecessary waste ofctime and votes for a booty call.

    Like

  4. Jim says:

    And he loved his fellow Alabamans so much that he made it real difficult for some of them to register to vote because he knew they didn’t want to stand in line or mess with ballots. Compassionate guy.

    Like

  5. Bruce388 says:

    Verily, God called but Bentley had caller ID so he let it go to voice mail.

    Like

  6. C Montgomery Burns says:

    Another numb-nutts gop nobody who got caught with his….ugg wang-dang-doodle out.

    Never mind that he cost a bankrupt state hundreds of thousands of dollars by shutting down places ‘those’ people registered to vote at all because his bit of fluff suggested it.
    Never mind the legal cost in defending the suit, and losing and then having to reopen said facilities and….really?

    And it’s the affair did him in.

    Like

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