News That Will Drive You To Drink

Happy Hour News Briefs

Let’s look at the majesty of mathematics and how we hairless apes can track the movement of celestial bodies in the sky:

A total solar eclipse will cross the continental United States this summer, an event that hasn’t happened in roughly a century.

Everyone will experience on Aug. 21 at least 60 percent of the sun being covered and the resulting semidarkness. Those within about a 60-mile wide diagonal line from the Pacific Northwest through South Carolina will see the sky go dark and feel the temperature drop

In some areas of the country, the darkness will last more than two minutes and 30 seconds.

Isn’t that marvelous? How clever we are in demystifying the natural world and predicting these things using our oversized brains and… what’s that you say?

“From a biblical point of view, a solar eclipse is meant as a sign from God,” Biltz told WND. “In Genesis 1:14, God declared this to be so. It is a sign that is beyond man’s control, something he can’t manipulate. Solar eclipses become biblically and prophetically significant and relevant when man understands their timing according to the biblical calendar and where they happen. Then we look for the patterns.

“As the sun is larger than the moon, the sun represents the nations of the world and the moon represents the nation of Israel, as their calendar months are based on the cycle of the moon while the nations of the world follow the sun for their calendar. When there is a total solar eclipse, it is a warning to a specific nation or nations depending on its path.”

The very same article. The very same article.

This entry was posted in Science, Space!, War on Science. Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to News That Will Drive You To Drink

  1. roket says:

    There are actually going to be two. Another one in 2024. Carbondale, IL is where X marks the spot but I don’t remember God ever saying anything about Carbondale.

    https://www.greatamericaneclipse.com/?gclid=CjwKEAjw_bHHBRD4qbKukMiVgU0SJADr08ZZZQdR77mJ9p971T-D_ViP-LtDoJC6wLjMDcxN_Ad94xoCiAHw_wcB

    Like

  2. Bruce388 says:

    Does the eclipse have anything to do with the settlements on the West Bank?

    Like

  3. Ten Bears says:

    … an event that hasn’t happened in roughly a century …

    I will be viewing the eclipse from the exact same spot on The Oregon High Desert where I viewed the eclipse in 1978.

    Like

  4. Pupienus Maximus says:

    […]
    In some areas of the country, the darkness will last more than two minutes and 30 seconds.

    Now we cast the bones to divine the hidden meaning. It’s not entirely clear at the moment but the signs point to all those not giving money to my church are in for a smiting! Save yourself from God’s wrath – send your money to ….

    Like

  5. paul fredine says:

    WND: World’s Nuts and Douchenozzles.

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  6. Oblios_Cap says:

    I know that I always consult Stone age astronomers whenever I want to learn about natural phenomena.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. 9thousandfeet says:

    … an event that hasn’t happened in roughly a century …

    Hmmm.
    Depends what they mean by “roughly”, I guess.

    My memory ain’t what it once was, along with a bunch of other things which ain’t what they once were, but I seem to remember driving down to Santa Fe just a few years ago to watch a total eclipse there. Only one I’ve ever seen, at least so far.

    Probably Ol’ Scratch fucking with my sense of reality, you know, being thoughtful and all.

    Like

  8. Green Eagle says:

    Oh, if only that was as crazy as they get…

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Dave S says:

    “As the sun is larger than the moon, the sun represents the nations of the world and the moon represents the nation of Israel, as their calendar months are based on the cycle of the moon while the nations of the world follow the sun for their calendar. ”

    How much would he freak out if someone informed him that the Islamic calendar is also lunar? This is why Ramadan and other Islamic holidays migrate throughout the (Gregorian/Western/Common) calendar year. But these people never actually attempt to learn anything about those they hate. They don’t need to know nothin’ about them Mooselimbs!

    Liked by 1 person

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