Word Salad, Tossed Fresh Daily

We’ve learned over the years to never ask Our Lady of Bountiful Pasta and Good Shoe Wear, the self-proclaimed prophet Cindy Jacobs, any sort of unscripted open-ended question.

Fellow grifter for Jeebus, Jim Bakker, master of the potato slop bucket, asked her what she’s doing there (where’ere the there be), and of course she nasally whines, and stalls for time to come up with some sort of prophetic-sounding word salad:

“This is the beginning of a new season Jim
It’s a new era
It’s a new change
And a time that we feel we’ve been rescued
Basically
We’re hearing the lord and
You know we meet as a group of prophets
That it is a break through year
And this is the year that the Breaker is going before us
And we know that is happening
That literally
We are going to see a reversal
In fact, the word the Lord gave me is
‘God is turning the tables’
which means when a champion comes in
and there’s a reversal of everything the enemy did
essentially in battle
the tables have been turned.”

Got that? It is a new season, a new era, a new change, the tables have turned, things are reversed. It’s like some kind of bad padding on an 800-word essay that you never did the research, or a David Brooks column.

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11 Responses to Word Salad, Tossed Fresh Daily

  1. roket says:

    She forgot to add ‘neener, neener, neener you DFH’s’.

    Like

  2. Big Bad Bald Bastard says:

    When the loon is in the People’s House,
    And Penis aligns with Mars,
    Then bombs will rain on Syria,
    And Pence will shut gay bars.

    This is the dawning of the Age of Trumpquarius,
    Age of Trumpquarius!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. C Montgomery Burns says:

    All the signs are there!
    The 2 faced debbil in the empty suit looms
    Like the mist ore the moonshine distillery at midnight.
    Hark, the G-man is coming.

    Like

  4. Mr DeBakey says:

    I’ve been watching the episode of the Gym Baker Power Hower from which this bit was clipped.
    In the intro to this clip he said about The Prophet Cindy, “She gave me the best prophecy I ever had!”

    Anyone need more details?

    Like

  5. Jim says:

    Her voice is like nails on a blackboard (I realize I’m dating myself; “Daddy, is a blackboard something done to black people?”) Anyway, I so cannot relate to this other world environment of the Black Satan and the White God. These old white religious farts are so sick and so delusional.

    Like

  6. Ten Bears says:

    You just had to do it, didn’t you? Couldn’t resist, couldn’t go just one day. Knew beyond a shade of doubt all you need to do to get Ten’s hackles straight, claws out and up on his hind legs bellowing like a drunken human is put Bo-bo in the last sentence.

    Like

  7. cat copeland says:

    Praise the lawd & pass the popcorn! Who woulda guessed trumph would be the satanslayer. NOT ME. What happened to your gawd, Cin? Finally retire??!!!!!!!!

    Like

  8. I find it kind of amazing and a bit saddening, how they, time after time, find the Hand of Gawd in the most godless, amoral, lying hypocrites as long as they have an R after their name….

    Like

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