News That Will Drive You To Drink

Happy Hour News Briefs

Jeebus weeps

Jeebus weeps

OMG, you guys! World Nut Daily founder Joseph Farah admits that climate change is real and that we humans are responsible!!1!

I used to be a “denier,” as those who sacrifice their reasoning ability at the altar of Big Government power label skeptics of man-made, catastrophic climate change.

If you asked me, do you believe in it? I would have said no… I do believe man’s behavior on the Earth can have catastrophic consequences – and, indeed, has in the past.

Yay! We have a convert!

However, before the climate-change lobby begins celebrating a convert to the cause, let me say unequivocally that my acceptance of past, current and future changes in the climate – including those with potentially catastrophic results – has nothing whatsoever to do with an increase in carbon dioxide in the atmosphere due to the activity of mankind.

Say what?

Instead, I have concluded that previous climate catastrophes have been the result of another activity of man – the commission of sin.

Sweet Jeebus! Yeah,  I’m good, but I don’t think I’ve generated enough heat commissioning sin to change the world’s climate.

When Adam and Eve committed the first sin by eating of the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good an Evil, everything changed – including the climate… 

This is really messed up. I’m no theologian, but we were told in Sunday School that it was the knowledge of Sin that threw A&E out of the garden, not sin itself.

The coming climate change would be as radical as the one experienced by Adam and Eve.

Cannot hardly wait to hear…

 

Apparently, it had never rained on Earth before this time, so it was a true test of Noah’s faith that the whole world would be consumed in a massive global flood. But that wasn’t the only cause of the flood. Not only were the windows of heaven opened for 40 days, but so were the fountains of the great deep.


Wow. Just wow. I left out his theory of Sodom and Gomorrah  for the sake of brevity, but Farah has it on good authority that fire from the sky counts as climate change.  Farah is playing coy about what the current sin that is causing the ice to melt and whatnot, but I’m sure he will let us know. You see, this is a multi-part series. Stay tuned!

This entry was posted in Rapture-a-thon, snark, Xristian Xraxies. Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to News That Will Drive You To Drink

  1. Jim says:

    Don’t know this Farah guy but surely this must be some really creative trolling of your conservative Christian climate deniers, right? No? Wow….

    Like

  2. roket says:

    Does this make Jesus an air conditioner?

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  3. Retiredeng says:

    Farah needs to get fitted for a straitjacket.

    Like

  4. JerryB says:

    I’ll bet he blames it on the ‘mos cause you know it’s always their fault. Pat Robertson told me so.

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  5. jimbo57 says:

    According to fundy chronology, the universe was created in 4004 B.C. Noah`s Flood, according to the same chronology, would have occurred around 2 millenia later. So, even after the so-called Fall, it never rained for two thousand years.

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    • Osirisopto says:

      Made me look…
      http://time.com/44631/noah-christians-flood-aronofsky/

      Yet tales of the Flood spring from many sources. Myriad ancient cultures have their own legends of watery cataclysm and salvation. According to Vedic lore, a fish tells the mythic Indian king Manu of a flood that will wipe out humanity; Manu then builds a ship to withstand the epic rains and is later led to a mountaintop by the same fish. An Aztec story sees a devout couple hide in the hollow of a vast tree with two ears of corn as divine storms drown the wicked of the land. Creation myths from Egypt to Scandinavia involve tidal floods of all sorts of substances — including the blood of deities — purging and remaking the earth.

      Flood myths are so universal that the Hungarian psychoanalyst Geza Roheim thought their origins were physiological, not historical — hypothesizing that dreams of the Flood came when humans were asleep with full bladders. The religious purists now upset with Hollywood probably don’t want to hear that it’s really just all about drinking too much water before bedtime.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. quakerinabasement says:

    “climate catastrophes have been the result of another activity of man – the commission of sin”

    Is it just you or is it getting hot in here?

    Like

  7. Sirius Lunacy says:

    I think what he is saying is that if the big oil companies would stop murdering entire villages that happen to have settled over their oil supplies, God would not inflict us with global warming. Yeah, that’s got to be it.

    Like

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