You Can’t Explain That!

Our Lady of Bountiful Pasta and Good Shoe Wear, the self-proclaimed prophet Cindy Jacobs tells us about the time she commanded the weather to change:

“… [A friend] came to me and said, “Cindy, do something!” This is what my friends do to me! “Do something!” And what he meant was “Command the clouds to go away!”
I said, “No problem.” I read that in the book, right? I have authority over the weather, right?…
So I did, I just put my hands up… I lifted my hands and I said these simple words: “In the name of Jesus, I command this cloud layer to dissipate.”
Now doesn’t that seem weird?
You know what happened? Within a half an hour, NO MORE CLOUDS! Amen? And they got the shoot.”

Spooky, huh? It only took a half an hour and the clouds, they went away. You can’t explain that!

Now if only Cindy had been around to help with Katrina, or some of the many other weather-related disasters…

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11 Responses to You Can’t Explain That!

  1. SkinnyDennis says:

    I remember when I was about 6, it was Halloween and raining. I stepped out on the porch and yelled at the top of my lungs for it to stop.

    It did.

    I yell at a lot of things now.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. roket says:

    She’s stealing the ‘Old Man Yells at Cloud’ thunder. That makes her a feminist. Stone her.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Pissed in NYC says:

    She should be arrested for that outfit. Just noting.


    • tengrain says:

      I thought about commenting on her sartorial choices, but stopped. I could stare gap-mouthed at the color, the tiger stripes, or the clown buttons. But all three? I guess when you are a prophet you can get away with crimes against fashion?

      Whatever happened to the simple white robes and sheaths of the prophets of my youth?




  4. You know, just this afternoon I raised up my HANDS, called upon Saint Romero, And LO! The sun did DISAPPEAR!!!!

    Then I called down THE SNOW! And it was snowing. It had been for a while, but Saint Romero knew what I was going to ask for, and got an early start…


  5. You know, if she could do something about the FUCKING COLD up here, I would go ahead and join her Pasta Footwear Religion…


    • Although now that I think about it, her and her ilk seem to be doing all they can to make things warmer, what with the oil fapping and coal-stuffing. Although with the weather volatility and the rising sea levels and disappearing of arctic ices, that seems to be backfiring pretty thoroughly. Hey! No one ever accused them of having a handle on science!!


  6. Their handle on reality burns to the touch.


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