News That Will Drive You To Drink

Happy Hour News Briefs

"Message: I'm angry."

“Message: I’m angry.”

2012 Goat Rodeo Novelty Candidate Herman ‘Black Walnut’ Cain has something to say to ¡JEB! the Smartest Bush®, who as you know has been dissing Trump as the Herman Cain of 2016:

Jeb Bush cited the rise and fall of 2012 GOP presidential hopeful Herman Cain as he sought to reassure supporters at a Longboat Key fundraiser Monday that their faith in him is well placed.

By noting that Cain led in the polls at this point in 2012 only to flame out, Bush implied that current GOP front-runners Donald Trump and Ben Carson could follow the same path.

Replies Cain:

Big talk from Mr. 5.5 percent…So let’s talk about this. In late October 2011, the polls had me leading the Republican race for president with 24 percent. After that, of course, I was the target of accusations that I’ve already explained were complete B.S., and you can read about that if you want to here. This precipitated my fall in the polls to the point where, by late November, I was in third place and polling at 14 percent. This is when I decided to leave the race because the turn it had taken was imposing too much hardship on my family.

But there’s a reason I bring up these numbers. At the height of my campaign I was in first place at 24 percent. Even when I left the race I was in third place at 14 place. Who am I? A guy who ran a pizza company and had a successful corporate career before hosting a talk show in Atlanta. I was not anonymous but I was hardly famous.

Who is Jeb Bush? He is the former governor of Florida and he has one of the most famous political last names in America. He has more political money behind him than any candidate in this race with the possible exception of Hillary Clinton. And how is he doing in the polls? The current Real Clear Politics average shows him in fifth place at 5.5 percent.

If you want to say I had a “fall,” go ahead, I guess. You can’t fall when you’ve never gotten any higher than the floor in the first place, and that’s the state of the Jeb Bush campaign. A guy with his name, his money and the team behind him should be one of the top-tier contenders, and he should certainly not be letting Donald Trump wipe the floor with him if Trump is as unserious and unqualified as Bush would have you believe…

…But if I were to give Jeb Bush a piece of advice – not that he probably thinks he needs any from me – it would be to focus on coming up with a rationale for a Jeb Bush presidency. To date, I haven’t heard one that’s got many people very excited. And to judge from the polls, 94.5 percent of Republican primary voters agree with me.

Popcorn, anyone?

Popcorn, anyone?

And that, my friends, is what you call an industrial-sized can of whoop-ass. Popcorn, anyone?

This entry was posted in 2016 Goat Rodeo, ¡JEB! The Smartest Bush®, Black Walnut. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to News That Will Drive You To Drink

  1. another kiwi says:

    Is it too late for Cain to jump into the ring. Run Herman Run!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. roket says:

    Hey yeah. Where’s the ¡JEB!mentum? Chomp, chomp, chomp.

    Like

  3. purplehead says:

    Yes, please. And I would like parmesan cheese and fresh coarse-ground black pepper on it. Thank you. Also, too, that was a wonderful can of whoop-ass!

    Like

  4. Infidel753 says:

    Trump can take the day off. Cain has wiped the floor with Jeb! very effectively.

    Like

  5. Cain isn’t wrong. Jeb Bush entered this race with every advantage, and being Jeb! apparently just cancels it all out. Political scientists have at last witnessed an “anti-mojo” singularity. They may well be studying this phenomenon for minutes at least–until they get bored. Call it the Jeb-boson: It never has a wave, and as a particle, appears smaller the closer you get to it.

    Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.