News That Will Drive You To Drink

Ah'm as popular as a fart in church back home!

Ah’m as popular as a fart in church back home!

Hey guys, remember earlier today when we cited Betteridge’s Law of Headlines, because the National Review asked if it was time for boy exorcist and noted volcano scholar Bobby Jindal to catch fire, and Scissorhead Kandance said that Jindal “couldn’t catch fire if he jumped in a swimming pool of gas with a lit match”?

Guess what?!

Jindal tried to jump into a pool of gasoline with a lit match:

“These acts of evil are a direct result of cultural rot, and it is cultural rot that we have brought upon ourselves, and then we act like we are confounded and perplexed by what is happening here,” Jindal said.

Jindal rattled off a litany of root causes, including the glorification of “sick and senseless acts of violence in virtually every element of our pop culture” — something he said had been going on for at least a generation.

He blamed violence in movies, TV shows, music and video games.

“Rape, torture, murder, mass murder, all are cinematic achievements,” Jindal said.
“Our music does the same thing, we promote evil, we promote the degradation of women, we flaunt the laws of God and common decency and we promote it all and we flood our young people with it.”

He said legal abortion and treatment of the elderly showed that “we have no regard for the sanctity of human life in any regard.”

But mostly, he blamed single mothers and absentee fathers.

“Let’s get really politically incorrect here and talk specifically about this horror in Oregon,” Jindal said. “This killer’s father is now lecturing us on the need for gun control and he says he has no idea how or where his son got the guns.”

Jindal continued his personal attack on the killer’s father.

“Of course he doesn’t know,” Jindal said. “You know why he doesn’t know? Because he is not, and has never been in his son’s life. He’s a complete failure as a father, he should be embarrassed to even show his face in public. He’s the problem here.”

“He brags that he has never held a gun in his life and that he had no idea that his son had any guns,” Jindal continued. “Why didn’t he know? Because he failed to raise his son. He should be ashamed of himself, and he owes us all an apology.”

Poof! some smoke, but no fire.

Buh-bye, Bobby. It wasn’t nice knowing you.

This entry was posted in 2016 Goat Rodeo, Bobby Jindal, Boy Exorcist (Stupid Party—LA), Guns! Guns! Guns!. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to News That Will Drive You To Drink

  1. grs says:

    A witness then claimed that Jindal laid his hands upon the Earth and attempted to perform an exorcism on the culture of USA. “Out demon! Out!” he was rumored to have shouted.


  2. Whale Chowder says:

    That’s quite a narrative he’s trying to pyush but I think the electorate is about to caste him out of the race no matter what he does.


  3. roket says:

    New headline: ‘Will Bobby Jindal ever have an original thought?’


  4. Kandace says:

    I didn’t think he would actually do it.


  5. Bruce388 says:

    Piyush is pretty angry for a white guy.


  6. Plummet says:

    Does this mean it’s time for another installment of Stephen Colbert’s “The Hungry for Power Games”?


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