When the Cannibals Attack…

Hey guys, remember the other day when sexually disgraced pastor Jim Bakker told us about the marauding blah gangs of Chicago and NYC urban cannibals that are going to descend to feast upon us as we go into the End Times so please buy his buckets of potato slop?

Yeah. That guy.

Well, it seems that he has a new grift warning for us today so we better buy his buckets of glop: the sun is going to attack us too, and when it does the electrical grid will go down, just like it did in 1859, so buy a horse (probably from him?):

I’ll leave it to your imaginations how the the downing of the grid of 1859 set free the cannibals of that day.

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16 Responses to When the Cannibals Attack…

  1. Never mind the grid, what will he do when the grift goes down?

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  2. Jimmy’s Diary, sometime in the future:

    “Day 75 ASE (after sun exploded): Will kill the next person who offers me a god-damned bowl of dehydrated potato soup.”

    “Day 84 ASE: Several ‘urban’ people showed up at our compound today, claiming to be “Con Ed” employees, here to “re-connect” our “electricity”. Chased them off with a shotgun, they were obviously cannibals trying to eat me. They can’t fool me, I can see the curiously steady lights of the fires over the city in the distance at night. Probably giant cooking fires.”

    #Day 95 ASE: Having recurring dreams of my cameraman turning into a thick T-Bone. He seems to be avoiding me.”

    Seriously, yes Bad Things Will Happen if another huge solar flare like 1859 hits us unawares, which is why those evil libberal rokit scientists at NASA put up satellites to let us know when it’s going to happen before it hits.

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  3. Raymond Smith says:

    I never knew that Jim Bakker lived where MJ was legal to smoke. It sure sounds like he has been smoking either way to much MJ or not enough to calm down.

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  4. Torontonian says:

    I like his sources of “information”–Yahoo News, World Net Daily,
    NY Post to name a few. I’m surprised he hasn’t cited Readers’ Digest
    as well.
    I’ve been watching him from time to time over the last couple
    of years. What’s more disturbing is that there are good people
    who swallow this and accept it as fact.

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    • tengrain says:

      Toro – He’s just cashing in on the Prepper movement, which is an offset of The Kenyan Usurper is taking away your guns and declaring “Marshall Law” and putting Xristians and Republicans in FEMA camps.

      It’s kinda fun that he figured a way to monetize the crazie.

      Rgds,

      TG

      Liked by 1 person

  5. This new scam kinda gives the lie to the “Rapture Ready” branch of the Right- why would these people prepare for the Apocalypse if God was going to call them home?

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    • Bisham says:

      Duh Mr. Bastard, this is not the True Armageddon, just apocalypse lite, like in The Road.

      But then again, are you trying to apply logic to anyone that would listen to this guy and buy a horse and a truckload of potato flakes?

      Liked by 1 person

  6. motocat says:

    I’d forgotten he was still around. Miss Tammy Faye, though.

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  7. roket says:

    I see Jim Baker is working on his second coming.

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  8. yastreblyansky says:

    Apparently there really was an event in 1859, a solar storm, that played hell with the telegraphs. Wikipedia unfortunately doesn’t explain what God was punishing us for, so it’s not very useful. Pretty sure it wasn’t gay marriage, though, in 1859. Maybe it was Marx publishing “A Contribution to the Critique of Political Economy” or the premiere of Tristan und Isolde. What do you want us to do, Jim?

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    • Bruce388 says:

      God was pissed at the abolitionists.

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    • tengrain says:

      Yastreblyansky – I looked it up, too, and while it does seem it was a big solar storm, life continued pretty much normally once the storm concluded. Even the telegraphs worked during it; some even worked without power!

      Rev. Bakker (“buy my potato flakes!”) says it will be the beginning of the end, get a horse, and look out for the cannibals in the ‘hood, because you taste like chicken (and he was in prison once, so he knows from chicken).

      He’s a grifting marvel.

      Rgds,

      TG

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