GOP Response To Clinton: Phbllllllt

The GOP Campaigns are on fire!

The GOP Candidates are on fire!

Yesterday Hillary Clinton gave the first of a detailed policy speech on the economy. Now if you were an opposition researcher and sound-bite engineer working for Y’all Qaeda, you would be in high gear going over her words with a microscope looking for something to exploit; you would feed your campaign’s messaging guru with the magic flaw you found and they would craft a cunning response for the social media team, who would then pump out to the seething masses why she’s wrong and your team is right.

Let’s see how their candidates did:

  • Ben Carson —zip, nada, nothing
  • Bobby Jindal, Boy Exorcist

    This shouldn’t even count as an attempt, it’s just a canned reaction.

  • Carly “Fire ’em all” Fiorina:

    By the numbers response, but she took the time and made the effort, though her response doesn’t highlight any action she would take. Mean Girl Fiorina knows how the economy works: you fire everyone, take the money, and run.

  • Chris ‘Traffic Cones’ Christie:

    If by regulation, you mean minimum wage, time off, the American people like those things.

  • Donald Trump (Short-fingered Vulgarian): lots’a talk about himself…
  • ¡JEB!:

    Do you believe in unicorns, ¡JEB!? There is not a single economist who believes you can grow the economy at 4%. Also/Too, the one word I would never ascribe to Hillary Clinton is defeatist. She keeps coming back like one of those wack-a-mole things.

  • Marco ‘Big Gulp’ Rubio: Nada; probably invading Cuba.
  • Mike ‘Uncle Sugar’ Huckabee: As empty as his rhetoric
  • Rand ‘Schrödinger’s Candidate’ Paul:

    Dr. Rand Paul is rich. He should remember that thing about glass houses… and honestly, is this really a rebuttal? If I were grading this response he’d get an F.

  • Rick ‘3-Departments’ Perry:

    An out-click to a statement prepared by his speechwriter in which he praises Texas as a model for the United States economy, but fails to mention that no regulations ends up with fertilizer factories blowing up and flattening an entire Texas town.

  • Rick ‘Frothy’ Santorum (Ew! Gross!): too busy bothering God
  • Scott ‘Hot Ham’ Walker (R-Koch Industries): Too busy announcing his entry into the 2016 Goat Rodeo.
  • Senatorette Miss Lindsey Graham: No announcement on economy, too busy clutching pearls under the bed waiting for Iran to nuke us.
  • Ted ‘Winnipeg’ Cruz: too busy fighting NYTimes Best Seller List
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6 Responses to GOP Response To Clinton: Phbllllllt

  1. moeman says:

    Nice research TG. BTW, its ‘Winnipeg’. ; )

    Liked by 1 person

  2. C Montgomery Burns says:

    At least do a funny Tweet like, She’ll raise taxes sooo high, we’ll all lose our pants.

    He’s such a dick.


  3. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© says:

    My response:

    “You still work for Goldman Sachs and Black Rock, don’t bullshit me.”


  4. roket says:

    None of them have a clue. To them it’s just a bunch of numbers that can be manipulated I blame the imaginary sharing economy they keep talking about.


  5. A.J. says:

    Dr. “Ayn” Rand Paul: I don’t want to hear from any Republican who wants to give advice on the running the national economy. EVER! You have proven through three administrations you don’t know shit.


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