Yesterday Hillary Clinton gave the first of a detailed policy speech on the economy. Now if you were an opposition researcher and sound-bite engineer working for Y’all Qaeda, you would be in high gear going over her words with a microscope looking for something to exploit; you would feed your campaign’s messaging guru with the magic flaw you found and they would craft a cunning response for the social media team, who would then pump out to the seething masses why she’s wrong and your team is right.

Let’s see how their candidates did:

• Ben Carson —zip, nada, nothing
• Bobby Jindal, Boy Exorcist
  

  Hillary's solution to every problem is to take money out of the American economy and put it into the govt economy. https://t.co/MC45xjCNjH

  — Gov. Bobby Jindal (@BobbyJindal) July 13, 2015

  This shouldn’t even count as an attempt, it’s just a canned reaction.

• Carly “Fire ’em all” Fiorina:
  

  What are my thoughts on Hillary Clinton's speech this morning? #Carly2016 https://t.co/iY2jLO4beN

  — Carly Fiorina (@CarlyFiorina) July 13, 2015

  By the numbers response, but she took the time and made the effort, though her response doesn’t highlight any action she would take. Mean Girl Fiorina knows how the economy works: you fire everyone, take the money, and run.

• Chris ‘Traffic Cones’ Christie:
  

  .@HillaryClinton just released her economic plan. By all accounts her plan means more regulation and more taxes on the American people.

  — Chris Christie (@ChrisChristie) July 13, 2015

  If by regulation, you mean minimum wage, time off, the American people like those things.

• Donald Trump (Short-fingered Vulgarian): lots’a talk about himself…
• ¡JEB!:
  

  Defeatist @HillaryClinton doesn't believe we can grow at 4% and create 19m jobs. I do. http://t.co/9oKDEFB5IB

  — Jeb Bush (@JebBush) July 13, 2015

  Do you believe in unicorns, ¡JEB!? There is not a single economist who believes you can grow the economy at 4%. Also/Too, the one word I would never ascribe to Hillary Clinton is defeatist. She keeps coming back like one of those wack-a-mole things.

• Marco ‘Big Gulp’ Rubio: Nada; probably invading Cuba.
• Mike ‘Uncle Sugar’ Huckabee: As empty as his rhetoric
• Rand ‘Schrödinger’s Candidate’ Paul:
  

  America shouldn't take advice on the sharing economy from someone who has been driven around in a limo for 30 years.

  — Dr. Rand Paul (@RandPaul) July 13, 2015

  Dr. Rand Paul is rich. He should remember that thing about glass houses… and honestly, is this really a rebuttal? If I were grading this response he’d get an F.

• Rick ‘3-Departments’ Perry:
  

  Statement by @GovernorPerry on @HillaryClinton Economic Speech http://t.co/8WSZyUoIxG

  — Team Rick Perry (@TeamRickPerry) July 13, 2015

  An out-click to a statement prepared by his speechwriter in which he praises Texas as a model for the United States economy, but fails to mention that no regulations ends up with fertilizer factories blowing up and flattening an entire Texas town.

• Rick ‘Frothy’ Santorum (Ew! Gross!): too busy bothering God
• Scott ‘Hot Ham’ Walker (R-Koch Industries): Too busy announcing his entry into the 2016 Goat Rodeo.
• Senatorette Miss Lindsey Graham: No announcement on economy, too busy clutching pearls under the bed waiting for Iran to nuke us.
• Ted ‘Winnipeg’ Cruz: too busy fighting NYTimes Best Seller List