2016 Goat Rodeo Racing Forum

As we’ve been reminding everyone, the Fox News hosted debate is less than 30 days away. As you may recall, obvious anagram Reince Priebus had only one job to do—establish the GOP debate rules—and he punted the whole programme to Fox News.

Thus Fox News has the literal ability to be a a preznint-maker, as they get to winnow down the 20 or so drooling idiots to a more manageable 10 or so drooling morons.

Fox has said that they will make the decision of who is included by checking the national polls, but they have never said which polls those would include (duh, theirs). And so now we find ourselves in a mini-goat race to determine who is going to be in the main event.

So Tiger Beat on the Potomac (thanks Charlie!) has put on their journalism hat (the one with their dry cleaning ticket in the band) and have looked into averaging how the national polls are working out for the Konservative Klown Kar. Here’s Politico’s ranking as included in their daily email thingie:

1. JEB BUSH
2. SCOTT WALKER (who is undeclared, officially)
3. BEN CARSON
4. MARCO RUBIO
5. RAND PAUL
6. MIKE HUCKABEE
7. DONALD TRUMP
8. TED CRUZ
9. RICK PERRY
10. CHRIS CHRISTIE

And here is the rest of the field who will be eating paste at the kids table and live-Tweeting the debate like beagles in a vacuum factory:

1. RICK SANTORUM
2. CARLY FIORINA
3. JOHN KASICH (who is undeclared, officially)
4. LINDSEY GRAHAM
5. BOBBY JINDAL
6. GEORGE PATAKI (Is he running? Seriously?)
7. JIM GILMORE

Being the crack journalists that they are, TBOTP tells us their methodology for making these decisions:

“So we had POLITICO’s polling guru, Steve Shepard, take a crack at computing the current average based on recent national polling.”

We think the Magic 8-Ball might be involved, too.

Claim Chowder Prediction: the powers that be will do whatever they can to get Carly “fire ‘Em All” Fiorina into the top ten just so they can have a fig leaf on the obvious sexism when the menfolk attack Rodham-Clinton. So watch iCarly make a move to break out of this pack, and watch for Fox to be promoting her on their network.