Anatomy of a Column
eggy Noonan woke up on election day clutching a tear-stained voting stub from 1980 and an hollow pineapple shell. Looking around, she recognized that she was still in The Aviary (the clever nickname she gave her Penthouse), thank God!
Stumbling out of bed with her Lanz of Salisbury nightgown on backwards (“one wonders how and why this keeps happening?”) she made her way into the spacious kitchen where the faithful Conseula had put out the morning repast, complete with a fresh lime. Quaffing deeply, Noonan mused over what she saw as the coming debacle.
“You can get quite a conversation going in any room in Manhattan now by comparing Barack Obama to Jimmy Carter, with everyone defending Carter,” Noonan mumbled to herself. Noonan saluted the ever-present Ronal Wilson Reagan portrait over the wet bar. He was after all, the greatest president of the last half of the last century, maybe the greatest president ever.
“If the president’s party loses big on Tuesday, as appears likely,” Noonan added another splash of rum into her glass, “much of the loss will be due to 3 C’s—competence, coherence and credibility. It’s a terrible thing when a president loses his credibility.” She glanced up at Ronnie, blushed, and looked away.
Noonan recalled how Bill Clinton handled his midterm drubbing. In a news conference the next day he accepted responsibility and suggested the political meaning of the election was that the public was more conservative than he was. “That took some guts and humility,” she said to Ronnie, as she mixed some more refreshment. “Cleverness, too,” she continued. “By convincing those on his left that they had to face reality, he opened the door for his historic compromises with the Contract Congress.”
Noonan grimaced as she thought about Dubya’s press conference following his famous shellacking in which the Republicans lost 30 House seats, six Senate seats, and control of both chambers.
Noonan couldn’t recall the name of the reporter who asked President Bush—callow youth!—the question: “With all due respect, Nancy Pelosi has called you incompetent, a liar, the emperor with no clothes and, as recently as yesterday, dangerous. How will you work with someone who has such little respect for your leadership and who is third in line to the presidency?”
Ronnie looked down on Noonan from high above the Bacardi, “CNN reporter, Suzanne Malvaeux, Peggy. Pretty much ended her career.”
Noonan turned on the garbage disposal to drown out the noise and started washing the hurricane glasses.
(How to Lose, and Win, Graciously, by Peggy Noonan)
UPDATE: Welcome Hullabaloo readers. Nice to meet you!
Mock Paper Scissors 
As we bend over and spread them, this was a delight to read.
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Any morning we get to read TG’s channeling of Noonington’s inner voice is a good morning!
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Glad to see the Adventure Furthering return! Screw those other guys, I say. Firstest and Bestest, right here!
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When Peggers uses coherence as one of her arguments, COMEDY GOLD!
Rgds,
TG
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“[I]t would be nice if they [republicans] were gracious and big-minded, and a real relief if they didn’t look smug and get that curled smile…” and “Wouldn’t it be nice if they were happy but modest, and made it clear they’re aware of the fix we’re in?”
Yes, that would be nice, wouldn’t it Peggers? She’s obviously on one of her sentimental benders.
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Aren’t Hurricane glasses made out of plastic?
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She’s been doing this patented concern troll act for 30 years. Furrowed brow, pursed lips, whispery voice. She’s the definition of sincerity when it comes to the MSM and the Very Serious People of the Beltway.
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I’ll add my thanks for the return of Noonington as well. Though there are many (flattering) imitators, no one can channel inebriated dowagers with as deft a touch as you can, TG.
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Being new here, I won’t say you’re wrong, but you should check out Barry Friedman’s comments at Pierce’s blog at Esquire. When he gets his Noonan mojo working, there isn’t a dry eye in the house. I’d find a link for you, but they expect me to get some work done here.
I love how the Bush question starts with “With all due respect….” Talladega Nights had just been released. Coincidence?
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Hey JustRuss, welcome to MPS, it is good to have you with us.
Yes, Barry is a funny guy. I wish Esquire didn’t demand a Facebook login, or I would comment there, too/also.
Regards,
Tengrain
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