Alaskastan’s part-time governor and full-time grifter Sarah Palin’s daughter Brisket^® decides, in print, to tell her side of what happened at Bristolnacht:

First, the media said Trig was not really my mom’s kid.

Then, they claimed my mom said “I can see Russia from my house.”

Recently, they said my parents are giving a divorce.

And now, they’re saying my family started a “drunken brawl.”

Thanks for the reminders. Say, your mom promised at one point to produce Trigg’s birth certificate… oh well. SNL is not the media. Your mother was the one who hinted a divorce was coming. There is a Police report (a legal document that can be introduced as evidence in a court of law) that indicates YOU started a drunken brawl.

Our friend got knocked out from a cheap shot from behind. (His injury resulted in ten stitches, so it was really low.)

Why would anyone do this? Well, here’s a hint. The guy was on social media during this incident, tweeting, “about to get famous.”

When Willow saw all this happening she looked at the guy’s mom and said “get ahold of your son.”

But apparently the apple didn’t fall too far from the tree, because his mom pushed Willow. A grown woman pushed my little sister.

By this point, I’d already gotten into the car. But when Willow ran to me crying, telling me that some lady had pushed her down, I got out of the car to go talk to her. Any big sister would do this.

It drones on and on, play-by-play.

All of this comes a day after the audio was released from the police interview with a very drunken Bristol, so the timing is both serendipitous and perhaps damning, too. Methinks given the love that the Palins engender means that those alleged and rumored cell phone videos and audio recording are gonna come like a wave.

And once again, we need to thank Grandpa Walnuts for bringing this family of grifters and waterheads to our attention, and potentially one very old heartbeat away from the nuclear codes.