Only In America

Only in America
Can a guy walk on manicured lawns
Hit a little white ball and wake up a millionaire

Only in America
Can a guy who hits a ball with a stick
Complain about paying a few extra shekels in taxes

Overrated, Republican, overweight, arthritic and now whiney golf pro Phil Mickelson said he will make “drastic changes” because of federal and California state tax increases.

“The 42-year-old [multi-millionaire] golfer said he would talk in more detail about his plans – possibly moving away from California or even retiring from golf…If you add up all the federal and you look at the disability and the unemployment and the Social Security and the state, my tax rate’s 62, 63 percent,” Mickelson said. “So I’ve got to make some decisions on what I’m going to do.”

According to the New York Times, Mr. Whiner was the 7th highest paid athlete in America last year.  “Lefty” (how ironic that is his nickname because he is a left-handed golfer) made $47 million last year of which $43 million was from hawking golf equipment, golf clothing and an arthritis drug called Enbrel (more about that later).  If he is really paying 62% of his income (which would be approx. $29 million) in assorted taxes he needs to IMMEDIATELY talk to his favorite candidate – Mr 14% tax-rate himself, Willard Romney, and set a date with Mitten’s accountants.   While it does seem outrageous to be paying 62% – it still leaves “Lefty” with $18 million – not exactly Alpo territory.  Is Phil the only Republican who hasn’t figured out how to game the system – so in addition to being overrated and arthritic, he is also pretty dumb.

You gotta love that he is threatening us poor pitiful non-golfing peons with retirement – like our lives will go dramatically downhill without his presence on the links of Augusta National or Torrey Pines or some other uber-rich  tax-subsidized golf club.  I can just see the dramatic increase in therapy sessions from not having Richie Sand Wedge to adore anymore.  He’s Lance Armstrong without the pedals or doping – someone who has an overwhelming sense of self-importance.

As for Enbrel – it is a special class of drugs called biologic pharmaceuticals – sold by Amgen and Pfizer that treats rheumatoid and psoriatic arthritis.  Enbrel is not cheap – it costs over $20,000 year.  Not all insurance policies cover biologics (all of which are extremely expensive.  Humira is another biologic) – and some only cover part of the cost.  Mr. Mickelson fails to mention that in his ads for Enbrel.  I also think that Put-Putz, as the teevee hawker of Enbrel – gets all the Enbrel he want gratis – not that he couldn’t afford it.

As for his whining – Phil shut up and move to Nevada or Alaska or Texas or Florida or some other state where there is no state income tax.  Also retire – I am sure the $40 million endorsements will go on ad infinitum.  Typical Republican 0- just hate anything to do with the country.  You know, I bet just about anyone in the 99% would trade places with FIGJAM (as he is also know – Fuck I’m Great – Just Ask Me) in a micro-second – arthritis, taxes and being an also-ran to Tiger Woods and all.



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0 Responses to Only In America

  1. x says:

    What’s he going to do when he retires? Take up golf?

    Hey, Phil…move to Somalia you anti-American bitch!


  2. Reamus says:

    NO ONE except the Swedes pay 63 percent in taxes, not even Lefty “the never really was” as he ios know affectionately here in paradise…


  3. jo6pac says:

    What a white pig, he only plays golf in a few states hell MLB players pay takes in every state they play just as do other sports.

    I’m with x: on this just F*&^$$$ move out of the country.


  4. moeman says:

    … and he married a golf Barbie to boot. Does he love guns too? (no I’m not referring to his golf trophy wife).


  5. Bruce388 says:

    Thank Thor for Phil Mickleson. Here I thought our soldiers in Afghanistan had it so tough.

    Personally, I don’t know if I can stand having one less fat, whiney, rich golfer to ignore.


  6. Capt. Bat Guano says:

    If you for some crazy reason really need to find an asshole just go to your local golf course.


  7. Road to Escondido says:

    Hate to burst your bubble, but Torrey Pines is a public golf course, not a country club for the uber-rich.


  8. knowdoubt says:

    Does “public” mean it doesn’t cost anything or that one doesn’t find “assholes” there or both?


  9. Eric Walter says:

    Torrey Pines is indeed a municipal course It is not free. Unless you are an SD resident, the least you will pay to play a round there (on a weekday) is $100. Weekends are more. I don’t know about the as*holes.


  10. Axel Grease says:

    not knowing my California golf courses all that well – i apologize for using Torrey Pines as the example
    can i switch to Pebble Beach? or i can use the very uber-snooty Baltusrol in New Jersey.

    either way – between Curt Schilling, Phil Mickelson (and probably every single Nascar driver) – sports is just chock full of whiney republicans


    • Tengrain says:

      I don’t golf, or at least what I do is not recognizable as golf. Anyway, a relative went to Pebble Beach within the last 10 years (I think) and the greens fee was well north of $500. When he told me this, that was when I officially gave up golf. I don’t believe that you have to be any sort of a member to play there.




  11. Bruce388 says:

    Considering the pesticides used in making golf courses all prim and proper, these guys are probably shortening their lives. Courses aren’t much different from Superfund sites.

    When people ask if I play golf I tell them I’m waiting for my first heart attack.


  12. Esteev says:

    I checked out the Yahoo! Sports page for this “news” and the comments have really got my head all hurt-y. Apparently, the country’s fiscal woes aren’t from a few unpaid for wars and the cutting of taxes but rather “unearned” entitlements – you know Welfare Queens. And to think I understood Mr Mickelson’s whining as a rich guy showing us all that he’s a pampered, overprivileged fuck who is doesn’t realize that Other People have it rough. And by “rough” I don’t mean having to make “drastic changes” like maybe not buying a Tiffany tennis ball can for his upcoming match.


  13. Randall says:

    EVERY time one of these multi-millionaires whines about paying too much in taxes,
    ALL of their money and property should be taken, and they should be stripped naked and dropped in the middle of the jungle somewhere in central America.


  14. grs says:

    Sure, 62%. Just like Joe the Plumber makes $250K/yr.


  15. Road to Escondido says:

    Golf is ridiculously expensive. If I had the money for greens fees, I would take my wife out to dinner and a movie.



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