Today in Magical Panties

Thanks to Canadian operative Scissorhead Dimitrios we learn of multiple, interesting daring-do’s in the land of Golden Plated Magical Panties.

As you may recall a few weeks back, Mock, Paper, Scissors brought you the breaking news that Idaho exists (and we still have our doubts) because Idaho (if it exists) banned the sale of Five Wives Vodka. The reason Idaho (which allegedly exists) banned said vodka was that some Magical Panties Enthusiasts in Idaho (should it actually exist) might take offense at the implication of polygamy, because DAMMIT – they don’t do that (anymore). For the record, Five Wives Vodka is distilled in Utah, home of Magical Panties Enthusiasts and ground-zero of polygamy, at least in the United States, and absolutely for Magical Pantiesism.

Anyway, Jonathan Turley, an notable attorney and law professor at George Washington University Law School in Washington, D.C., sent a letter threatening a federal lawsuit if Idaho didn’t reverse itself and allow the provocatively labeled vodka brand to be sold in the state (as if said state actually existed). And that’s when all hell broke loose, and Unicorns and Fauns, and god knows what else that live in “Idaho” suddenly got the right to buy Five Wives Vodka:

“Within hours of receiving Turley’s letter, which raised multiple constitutional challenges to Idaho’s earlier decision , Idaho state liquor division Director Jeff Anderson announced that Idahoans could immediately purchase Five Wives vodka by special order from any state liquor store; he’s also reconsidering a request to stock the product on state liquor store shelves.”

Score one for booze! Freedoms!

But the Turley news doesn’t end there:

Utah announced on May 31 that it wouldn’t prosecute Kody Brown and his four wives for bigamy, but Turley and Brown pledged to continue the lawsuit.

Brown and his wives and 16 children moved to Nevada after Lehi, Utah, police began an investigation into possible charges after the family appeared on the TLC reality series. They sued to overturn Utah’s bigamy law, citing issues of privacy and religious freedom.

Turley argued that the Browns didn’t have multiple marriage licenses and were being prosecuted “solely because they call themselves a family in the eyes of their church.”

“The disparate treatment of polygamists denies them the basic liberties and equal protection under the law guaranteed by the First and Fourteenth Amendments of the United States Constitution,” Turley wrote in the lawsuit.

OK, so you got that? In Idaho (if it exists) you can now (with permission) buy Utah’s Five Wives Vodka, even though it might offend Magical Panties Enthusiasts, and via the same attorney, in Utah you might not be prosecuted for having five wives (not the vodka, the women) regardless of your Magical Panties branding sensitivities. No word (yet) from Nevada about polygamy and magical panties enthusiast Kody Brown now residing there with his 4 wives and 16 children.

(The Spokesman Review via Scissorhead Dimitrios)

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3 Responses to Today in Magical Panties

  1. M. Bouffant says:

    There’s something between Washington & Montana.


  2. Axel Grease says:

    i need a shot of Absolut


  3. Jado says:

    4 wives? More like 4 women he conned into living and sleeping with him.

    Why is the government investigating some yahoo shacked up with a bunch of chicks if he doesn’t have multiple marriage licenses? They gonna investigate Hugh Hefner next? He’s got a bunch of chicks in Cali; does location make a difference?

    If we want these fundy loons to keep their religion out of our government, we should limit our government interaction with them to the parts that the government actually oversees, like marriage licenses. I am happy to hear the state will not be prosecuting them.

    PS – I understand there are potential issues of child welfare and possible coercion in cases like this, but those are different issues than just polygamy. If Utah is investigating them for polygamy, it should be a simple license search. Just my two cents


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