Last night I was startled to see that the Wingnuts had exhumed Ed Meese from whatever crypt it is that they normally keep him, somewhere at the intersection of the Heritage Foundation and the Hoover Institute, where most mouth-breathing embarrassments like Meese disappear after doing their master’s bidding. I alway assumed that he had been buried alive, slave-like, when they entombed Saint Ronnie, or at least had driven a stake through him, and shot him with a silver bullet, just to be safe. I guess I was wrong.
I predict that someday future archeologists will wonder about us and ask if these 21st century humans worshipped dunces, and if that comes to pass, certainly Meese will be in the Pantheon of Dunces.
Meese was an Oakland-based prosecuting attorney, who was notable for keeping a private practice on the side (nights and weekends), which somehow or other got him noticed by Ronnie during his years as governor, and not fired and or disbarred. Meese is probably most infamous during this time for escalating the the reaction to the riots at UC Berkeley that ultimately resulted in at least one death and the occupation of the campus by the National Guard.
After holding many positions in the Reagan Administration, he ultimately became the US Attorney General, where he distinguished himself by compiling the most authoritative spank bank the world has ever known: Standing in front of a bare-breasted statue at the Justice Department, Ed Meese accepts the 1,960-page report from his $500,000 pornography commission. Available in two volumes from the government for $35, the report becomes something of a cult item for its 100-plus page listing of book, movie and magazine titles (Teenage Dog Orgy, Cathy’s Sore Bottom, Lesbian Foot Lovers – The Movie) and 200 pages of detailed descriptions and excerpts from said material.
Now, if you are scratching your head and wondering why 30 years later Ed Meese matters, when was the last time your employer gave you a drug test, or insisted that they have the right to spy on you as you do your job, including videotaping you? You can thank Ed Meese for that too: Ed Meese urges employers to begin spying on workers in “locker rooms, parking lots, shipping and mail room areas and even the nearby taverns” to try to catch them using drugs.
Let’s also not forget that Ed Meese gave the legal opinion that lead the Reagan White House to engage in the Iran-Contra weapons smuggling. He found it perfectly legal.
So from the buffoonish, to the dangerous, Ed Meese was there at every turn, pompous, ethically challenged, a scold’s scold. The idea that the Heritage Foundation would bring this relic from Saint Ronnie’s sarcophagus out into the public again speaks volumes about our age.
I urge us to return Meese to the earth, bury him in his native soil with a ton or two of garic, salt the earth and get a chorus of priests of all persuasions to put a curse on that unholy place. Mark the tomb with a warning in all the known languages of the planet, too.
You never can be too careful in these cases.