The Morning Fishwrap

Death of the Media

By now everyone has seen the little filler article that states that Apple Inc. has more cash on hand than the US government, right?

Well, this being Silicon Valley, our newspaper The San Jose Mercury News (motto: There’s no time to run the spell-checker!) has to put their own spin on the story, and so they put their intrepid technology reporter, John Boudreau, on the scent. And lo! he smells it up!

Though it was founded 200 years after the United States, Apple has more cash in the bank than the world’s largest economy.

Quite a lede you got there, Sparky. Anyway, to liven things up, Boudreau decided to go to idiot quote-spewing technology analyst Rob Enderle to get some expert insight:

“If Apple can do no wrong, the United States can do no right,” quipped long-time Silicon Valley tech analyst Rob Enderle.

Say what? For the record, Enderle has Google, Microsoft, and Dell as paying customers, and has long rooted for Apple to go out of business.

Anyway, Boudreau continues with his usual mad journo-school skillz:

Still, imagine if the functions of the federal government were run like Apple: their efficient ease-of-use, not to mention stylish appearance, would inspire love and admiration around the globe.

Oooookay… but luckily for Boudreau, Enderle gives him the money-shot, so to speak:

“The U.S. government can print money,” Enderle observed. “If Apple actually printed cash, it would get into some trouble.”

And that’s the news from Silicon Valley.

(Mercury News)

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10 Responses to The Morning Fishwrap

  1. SkinnyDennis says:

    What a maroon.
    Just imagining if Apple were run by the teabag party…


  2. If we had Medicare for everyone (so that people pay in over their lifetimes, including that long period of relative healthiness now skimmed off by private insurance via the association of employment and health insurance in this country), then we would 1) have everyone covered, and 2) not have any debt problem to worry about.

    Of course, we should still stop making wars for corporate profits (even if we could afford them).

    /Saturday soapbox


  3. SkinnyDennis sez on July 30th, 2011 at 9:47 am

    What a maroon.

    Seriously, what an ultramaroon. What an ignoranamus. What an imbessle. What a ta-ra-ra-GOON-dee-yay.


  4. Dimitrios says:

    Apple is a company that — for all of its 35 years of existence — has been run for the financial benefit of a relatively small group of stockholders, while the United States is a country that — during the last 31 of its 235 years of existence — has been transforming itself into a country run for the financial benefit of a relatively small group of stakeholders.


  5. Texas Betsy says:

    Since when does “cash on hand” have anything to do with anything? Or should I be petitioning APPLE to invest in our nation’s infrastructure, education, health care, libraries, etc?


  6. Yes, Texas Betsy.

    Just imagine the Apple version of “I-68”.


  7. Another Kiwi says:

    That was a big country
    Now it is gone
    I wonder if it was important


  8. nonnie9999 says:

    when will idiots learn that the government is not a business and can’t be run like one?


  9. RWW says:

    Murky News has always been absolute shit especially the local beat.


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