Ah, well, yes. That explains it

Verbatim from Little Newtie’s press secretary Rick Tyler explaining what happened on Meet the Gregory:

The literati sent out their minions to do their bidding. Washington cannot tolerate threats from outsiders who might disrupt their comfortable world. The firefight started when the cowardly sensed weakness. They fired timidly at first, then the sheep not wanting to be dropped from the establishment’s cocktail party invite list unloaded their entire clip, firing without taking aim their distortions and falsehoods. Now they are left exposed by their bylines and handles. But surely they had killed him off. This is the way it always worked. A lesser person could not have survived the first few minutes of the onslaught. But out of the billowing smoke and dust of tweets and trivia emerged Gingrich, once again ready to lead those who won’t be intimated by the political elite and are ready to take on the challenges America faces.

You got that, Scissorheads? A lesser man than Little Newtie would be done in by cocktail-wielding sheep.



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16 Responses to Ah, well, yes. That explains it

  1. Jesus H. Bicycle-Riding Motherfucking CHRIST. Has this guy been reading too much Tolkien or something? T
    Even for a politician’s press secretary, that’s the goofiest goddamn’ shit I’ve ever read in my life (so far). That sonofabitch owes me a new keyboard.


    • Tengrain says:

      Isn’t that just the best, Mike?

      I swear to god, I heard monty python’s theme song as I read that. It’s just freakin’ amazing how fast Newticles’ campaign is exploding.




  2. Fuckin’ ay, man. Time to chill the beer and heat up the Jiffy-Pop.


  3. I swear to god, I heard monty python’s theme song as I read that…

    No shit, man. Remember that one sketch, the WWI sketch, where John Cleese delivers that over-the-top overacted speech… “When I came to this war, I had two arms — two good arms. And, when the time came to lose one, I gave it gladly. I smiled as they sawed it off…”


  4. Ah, hah. Here it is:


  5. Count Typo says:

    Cryin’, Lyin’ and Ryan. That;s all they’ve got.


  6. Another Kiwi says:

    They’re screwed, so they might as well go down in a blaze of boring.


  7. C Montgomery Burns says:

    ….and his plane wound never ‘abort’ anything, especially a…sheep?
    Yeah, let’s go with that.


  8. Matty Boy says:

    Sheep with guns! This reminds me of another Python menace… the clever sheep!


  9. moeman says:

    I am picturing Mooselini reading that.


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  11. HarpoSnarx says:

    I think the messaging would be more effective if it were ALL FRIGGIN CAPS!


  12. Bruce388 says:

    “A lesser person could not have survived the first few minutes of the onslaught.” Is there any lesser person than our Newtie?


  13. So funny.

    I’m reminded me of how the liberal-biased media never has Republicans on their Sunday morning shows.


  14. Dammit, I’m sick of all these circus clowns dropping out or looking like they’ll drop out. I want my free chuckles and the wheelie bus just ain’t as funny as it used to be.


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