The Macaca Awards: The Adulterous Hypocrites

We honor all that is appalling in American Politics with the First Semi-Regular Macaca Awards.

Statuette of George Allen as a lawn Jockey to announce the Macaca Awards
For more on the Macaca Awards, see our announcement.

You knew it was coming, right? I mean, how could you miss the signs? Of course the Macaca Awards would have to acknowledge the ground-breaking work our public figures are doing in slut-shaming us all while they go off and get their freak-on with religious zealots, hooker, and call-boys (oh my)! And tonight we have quite a rogue’s gallery of, well, rogues:

As always, Nonnie has the full sized version at her place.

  • Senator John “Hush Honey, Here’s Momma’s Money” Ensign – the man once described by his hometown newspaper as the sheep with a secret sorrow, who not only had an affair with his best friend’s wife, but tried to buy off each member of the injured family (Husband, Wife, Teenage Son) using his influence and finally his own mother’s money.
  • Senator David “Huggies” Vitter – Vitter’s diaper sexy-time play is well known to us all, but what is not as well known is that the DC madame “committed suicide” and other hookers will not talk about their client, as they say things happen to them.
  • Fundamentalist George “Rentboy” Rekers – A founding member of Family Research Council and of National Association for Research & Therapy of Homosexuality, Rekers was researching something else it seems when he hired Lucien from to handle his sack while on a European Vacation.
  • Would-be Governor Carl “Bastardini” Paladino – It’s not news, exactly, that Paladino has his own little bundle of joy with a woman who is not his wife, but imagine what your life must be like to think that Carl Paladino is a good option?
  • Former Senator John “DNA” Edwards – It seem that in John Edwards’ Two Americas, he had two families. Now he only has one.
  • Governor Mark “Kiss Me South of the Border” Sanford – The man who redefined castanets for a generation, left the governor’s mansion without telling his staff or his family where he was going, and proceeded to have his own Free Trade with a Firecracker Lady in Argentina! Oh, lay!
  • Congressman Mark “Abstinence Educator” Souder – No mention of false Christians would be complete without mentioning Souder, who was recording Abstinence Education videos with his mistress.

Fellow members of the Academy, get thee hence to the polls to vote for Outstanding Achievement in Humpin’ While Bible-Thumpin’

Tonight is the last night of the Macaca Awards voting, so if you have not voted yet, please do so:

Tuesday Night is the Grand Finale when winners will be announced! Stay tuned!

As always, you can go to the blog of my unindicted, co-conspirator, Nonnie, to see full-sized representations of these posters. Nonnie is a marvel, please pay your respects to her!

(Fresh snark, if any, is down below.)

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0 Responses to The Macaca Awards: The Adulterous Hypocrites

  1. Pingback: The Macaca Awards! Part V « HYSTERICAL RAISINS

  2. libhomo says:

    The funniest thing to me is that macaques are much cuter and more intelligent than these turds. Anyway, here are my nominees.

    Outstanding Achievement in Grifting:
    Christine O’Donnell for running for Senate so she can pay her personal expenses with campaign funds.

    Outstanding Achievement in Race Baiting:
    That would go to Klan Brewer for demonizing Latinos so people in Arizona would blame a minority group for state budget cuts that could have been avoided by making wealthy donors pay their fair share in taxes.

    Outstanding …Thinly Veiled As Journalism:
    Tie: Faux News, CNN, NBC News, ABC News, The Daily Show, CBS News, the NYTimes, and a cast of thousands.

    Outstanding… Pooping on the First Amendment:
    Barack Bush has more than earned this award by involving Rick Warren in the inauguration, expanding the Office of Hate Based Initiatives, attending the National Hate Breakfast in an official capacity, restricting abortion in the wealthcare bill, comparing homosexuality to bestiality in court briefings, fighting in court to maintain the military ban until the bitter end, launching an expanded war of slaughter against Muslims in Afghanistan and Pakistan, dragging out the US slaughter and torture of the overwhelmingly Muslim population in Iraq, and engaging in inappropriate Christian religiosity in official government events.

    Outstanding….humpin while Bible thumpin:


  3. what if there is a tie?


  4. libhomo pretty much nailed it. As for humpin’ while thumpin’ though, I have to go with Rekers. I mean Really, that was genius.


  5. oh vote early and vote often —

    you need a female on the list – i vote Bristol Palin for humping before the ring ceremony and then telling girls NOT TO HUMP…..

    and for dirty dancing on dancing with the stars in an ape suit

    you cannot top that


  6. Capt. Bat Guano says:

    Ensign hands down for me, nothing screams class act like fucking your friends wife and then when caught making him your bitch.


  7. zencomix says:

    It’s hard to believe Newt didn’t make it onto the ballot, because you know he’s getting his dick sucked by a Catholic Girl in the Rectory Basement. And as long as he tells the masturbating priest in the confession booth, it’s all good.