The Macaca Awards: Christian Fundamentalist Theocracy

We honor all that is appalling in American Politics with the First Semi-Regular Macaca Awards.

Statuette of George Allen as a lawn Jockey to announce the Macaca Awards
For more on the Macaca Awards, see our announcement.

Tonight’s category of the much-coveted Macaca Award is a topic that is near and dear to all Scissorheads: Theocracy. Our Incorrigible Band of Spitballers are known far and wide as the Scourge of the Theocrats, and so tonight we load up our straws and take aim:

As always, Nonnie has the full sized version at her place, and you have to see this to believe it. I think she could make a fortune selling this as a Christmas Card.

The Nominees for Outstanding Achievement in Promoting a Christian Fundamentalist Theocracy and Pooping on the First Amendment are:

  • Michele Bachmann–Bachmann-the-Nut has long claimed to be a confident of God, ie, she hears voices, and wants to restore our nation to it’s Xristian roots.
  • Carrie Prejean–The topless Xristian sensation and infamous finger-banging soft-core underaged porn actress, homophobic de-crowned/deflowered failed beauty queen, and shower-nozzle masturbation fetish-object of Maggie Gallagher, who distinguishes herself in her never-ending campaign against marriage equality.
  • Sarah Palin–Who says that the Book of Revelations informs her foreign policy.
  • Glenn Beck–Who believes God speaks to him, and offers proof with geese flying overhead at his rally. God has been known to communicate via water fowl. Just ask Leda.
  • Sharron Angle–Who campaigned against the satanic black football Jerseys that the local high school planned to wear, and who instructs you to make lemonade when bearing your rapist’s baby.
  • Mike Huckabee–Who claims to get cell phone calls from The Almighty.
  • Christine O’Donnell–She’s got an itch to scratch, oh baby, but won’t. And you won’t either if she is elected.
  • Tony Perkins–Leader of the Family Research Council, who tried to legislate prayer in schools in LA, “[Sex Ed] is all part of the Left’s broader strategy to sexualize children and break down inhibitions so that they become the next generation of Planned Parenthood clients,” and says that civil rights for gays in a national security issue.
  • Sam Brownback–Who wants schools to teach Intelligent Design, limit the Supreme Court so that it cannot rule on Church-State issues, and has a lifetime rating of 100% from the National Right to Life Committee. You may remember him from leading the charge for NippleGate.
  • Steve King–Who also has a lifetime rating of 100% from the National Right to Life Committee believes that marriage equality will lead to the end of civilization as we know it.
  • Glen Urquhart–Who says that the phrase “separation of church and state” came out of the mouth of Adolf Hitler.
  • Dan Severson–Who says that the concept of church and state separation “does not exist in America…because we are a Christian nation… You simply cannot continue a nation as America without that Christian base of liberty… doesn’t say that religion cannot influence government. It was always intended.”
  • Jim DeMint–Who says that unmarried women who sleep with their boyfriends should not be teachers… and unmarried men who sleep with their boyfriends should not be teachers.
  • Todd Akin–Who said “It’s impossible to govern rightly without God and the Bible. It’s impossible to have a decent country without morality, and it’s impossible to have morality without religion.”
  • Ken Buck–Who is famous for saying that being gay is “… like alcoholism… but I think that basically you have a choice,” and who opposes abortion, even in cases of rape and incest.

Fellow members of the Academy, get thee hence to the polls to vote for Outstanding Achievement in Promoting Fundamentalist Christian Theocracy and Pooping on the First Amendment.

And remember, there will be new categories each night through the election, with the great reveal of winners of the 2010 Macaca Awards on Election Night!

As always, my unindicted coconspirator, the inestimable Nonnie from Hysterical Raisins has the full-sized poster at her place. Please be sure to go there and pay your respects.

(As always, this post is stuck on top, and fresh snark, if any, is below.)

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0 Responses to The Macaca Awards: Christian Fundamentalist Theocracy

  1. Pingback: The Macaca Awards! Part IV « HYSTERICAL RAISINS

  2. Jesus Christ would vote ALL of these packets of Instant Douche right off the friggin’ island, he would. And I’m stickin’ with My Man Jeez.


  3. kate r says:

    If the entertainment factor is important, I’d pick O’Donnell. I’d pick someone else if actual EBIL Doing is necessary


  4. nonnie9999 says:

    it’s astonishing that we’ve remained unindicted for this long, tg. of course, now that we’ve pissed off the rethuglican deity, we probably won’t be for much longer.


  5. abo gato says:

    Nonnie did a fabulous job with the poster. Really.



  6. kate r says:

    re: the O’Donell — she doesn’t have the power (and god and teh voters willing, she never will have it) that a Sharron Angle might gain or that a Backmann’s got.


  7. Gosh, gosh this is sooooo hard to decide. All my faves are here! It’s like going into 31 flavors except there are more than 131 to choose from. What to do, what to do. Palin is sooo enticing with her 4-subjects per sentence, circling back to a wink. And they there is witchypoo, who is new, but oh so full of blink-blink, doe caught in the headlights. I gotta think longer on this. Cross linking ya! I’m doing a parade of clowns and you just finished off my short list with all the rest!Maybe I should just go with King–he is my douche after all. Yeah, King it is.


  8. Pingback: Parade of Idiots « A Feather Adrift