Yay, it’s the insightful analysis of Politico on the long-awaited Healthcare Reform Bill! We have actual quotes!

• It runs more pages than War and Peace, has nearly five times as many words as the Torah, and its tables of contents alone run far longer than this story.
• The House health care bill unveiled Thursday clocks in at 1,990 pages and about 400,000 words.
• With an estimated 10-year cost of $894 billion, that comes out to about $2.24 million per word.

Ooooh! as an added bonus, they got their Techies to use new-fangled technologies, called “Search” and learned that…

• A “robust” public option can’t be found in the bill.
• No “cost curve” is bent. No “blue pill” is dispensed.
• Death” and “taxes” are both in there, but “death panel” is not.

But wait! There’s more! These are highly trained professional journalists, so they got actual quotes from something called “experts.” —

• “I’ll have to call an emergency meeting of my staff and drop the customary procedure of me reading and my staff not reading,” joked House Judiciary Committee Chairman John Conyers (D-Mich.), who famously told filmmaker Michael Moore that lawmakers “don’t read most of the bills.”
• It’s one thing to read it,” said Rep. Lee Terry (R-Neb.), a lawyer who voted against the first version of the bill on its way through the Energy and Commerce Committee. “It’s another thing to understand it when it’s written in legalese.”
• North Carolina Republican Rep. Patrick McHenry, 34 years old and a few inches taller than 5 feet, said the bill could act as a ”booster seat.”

Now who wants to read a bill that creepy Patrick McHenry has been sitting on, and now probably smells like a Whopper?