The MPS Guide to the GOP Vice Presidential Candidates! tr.odd {
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Rumored candidate Pro Con Baggage
Former Massachussetts Governor Mitt Romney Who needs Star Wars, when we can extend Mitt’s Hair Helmet over the continental United States Ran a take-over firm, and off-shored many Americans jobs. Strapped dog to the roof of the car for a family vacation. Considers that his five sons working on his campaign for president was equivalent of serving in Iraq.
Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty He’s 47, that’s old enough to be Mad Dog’s grandson. Would leave MN without a Republican Governor. Blue collar white guys like him. Fundie nut job, hunts. He’s from Minnesota, isn’t that in Canada?
Governor of Louisiana Bobby Jindal Holy Cow! He was born Hindu, but now is a Catholic. Supports Intelligent Design. At 42, he could be Mad Dog’s great grand son! Super nut job: performed an exorcism on his college girlfriend.
Former Governor of Pennsylvania, and first Homeland Security Secretary, Tom Ridge Color-coordinated terror threats! At 63, he’s old enough to be McCain’s kid. “After more than 22 consecutive years of public service, it is time to give personal and family matters a higher priority” — and promptly became a lobbyist, a member of the board for Home Depot.
Governor of Florida, Charlie Crist Would bring the closeted self-loathing gay vote, and the Uncle Tom’s Log Cabin Club to the ticket! Or is that redundant? Name similar to that of Our Savior might bring nut job evangelicals to vote. Too tan to stand next to cave-fish Mad Dog McCain. Will there be a white house wedding as Crist marries his beard?
Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin A former beauty queen (and Miss Congeniality at the Miss Alaska Contest), she ought to make C-Word insanely jealous! Alaska Magazine named her “America’s hottest governor!” She once poked someone’s eyes out with her tits. Over the phone.
Virginia Congressman Eric Cantor First Jewish VP — That’s gotta sting Traitor Joe! At age 45, he’s young enough… oh, wait, I told that one already. Loved by Big Business. Won’t work Saturdays.
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0 Responses to The MPS Guide to the GOP Vice Presidential Candidates!

  1. Palin would have had a shot, but she is apparently being investigated for some revenge thing against her sister-in-law’s ex-husband who is a cop. Sad.


  2. raceynora says:

    Please let it be Crist! I’d give up the testarossa to see him get the nomination.


  3. madmommy says:

    Sweet Jebus, what a sorry bunch! I’d love to see Jindal get his sorry, creationist ass out of my state, but it’s not gonna happen. Any of these people standing next to McCain is just going to make him look like a corpse.

    Love your place, Tengrain! Found you through TRex you’ve been a must read for a while now.


  4. TexBetsy says:

    Welcome Madmom!


  5. Christopher says:

    A total GOP freakshow!

    Charlie Crist stopped going to Sunday afternoon tea dances at “the Clubs” after his name went on McCain’s short list and he found himself a “beard” to marry him.

    I may diss the Dems for their ineptitude but the GOP is off the hook!


  6. Spartacus says:

    If I were the wingnut voting type, Sarah would be my choice.


  7. tommyspoon says:

    Speaking as a resident of the Commonwealth, please take Eric Cantor!


  8. All of them give me the heaves.


  9. zoe says:

    Stick around, madmom, it gets better and better.

    CHRIST!!! he’s the one. please, please choose christ. it will make for so much fun.


  10. Blue Gal says:

    Yeah I vote Charlie. And I laughed and laughed.


  11. willis says:

    Jindal has had more stuck in him than he ever had sticking out…….not that there’s anything wrong with that, donchakno.


  12. republicanSScareme says:

    All these people share one thing in common: They joined the Library Club then didn’t go.


  13. “Considers that his five sons working on his campaign for president was equivalent of serving in Iraq.”

    well, it was a running battle with much attrition….


  14. Dave says:

    So, the only woman mentioned and her “baggage” refers to her tits. Seems sexism isn’t just a feature of the right.


  15. Biggie Smalls says:

    Pawlenty’s baggage is that he’s from Minnesota? Minnesota is a great state, Pawlenty aside, and it is an important state in this year’s election. It might be a better idea to take a softer approach rather than alienating Minnesotans.


  16. Batocchio says:

    Well, Bush doesn’t work most days as it is…


  17. Batocchio says:

    …And Cheney does far too much.


  18. Elliot says:

    I’m a staunch liberal and love to see the Republicans made into the fools they so often are. But I actually found this chart to be pretty offensive. And if something like that was posted by a Republican, it would be up on sites like Crooks And Liars and we’d attack it for “lowering the quality of political discourse.” Romney’s con is “Strapped dog to the roof of the car for a family vacation”? That’s a better criticism than his terrible policy suggestions? Other than being young (Obama is young) and loved by big business, all it says about Cantor is that he’s Jewish. As if that’s supposed to be a bad thing. I’m all for humor and trashing the Republicans, but making cheap, talking-point-style jokes? Come on. We’re better than that.

    (Although Jindal’s exorcism deserved to be up there. I mean, he performed an exorcism!!)


  19. Tengrain says:

    Folks –

    For deep and insightful analysis, please go visit some worthy sites. MPS is a snarky humor blog, we take potshots at pontificating poltroons, and we have no sacred cows (not even ourselves). Heck, we even poke fun at (gasp!) Pelosi and Reid.

    And for the record, yes, Jindal did perform an exorcism on his college girlfriend. Link to Time Magazine.




  20. Pingback: Roundup of Republican VP Candidates « Happy Valley News Hour

  21. George Kjelland says:

    “She once poked someone’s eyes out with her tits. Over the phone.”
    Laugh out loud funny. Keep on skewering these “pontificating poltroons”