She Seems Nice, Part Infinity

Phyllis Schlafly Approves This Message

Phyllis Schlafly Approves This Message

Award winning ancient hate goblin pessary Phyllis Schlafly is having none of it: the filthy, mooching, swarthy, furriners caught up in the flooding in Louisiana can just learn to read English if they wanted some damn help:

This month’s catastrophic flooding in Louisiana is said to be America’s worst national disaster not caused by an earthquake or a hurricane. While Obama continued playing golf on the exclusive island of Martha’s Vineyard, his federal bureaucrats are making sure that the crisis won’t go to waste.

On August 16, five federal agencies issued an incredible 16-page, single-spaced “Guidance” warning relief agencies not to discriminate in the use of disaster funds. Agencies receiving funds must “post a statement of nondiscrimination” on all public notices and “should also identify a point of contact for the public to submit complaints of discrimination.”

The Guidance refers to “unlawful discrimination on the basis of race, color, or national origin” which is prohibited by the 1964 Civil Rights Act, but it doesn’t stop there. It also tries to ban discrimination on account of “limited English proficiency,” which Congress has never prohibited.

The sneaky part is the way the federal Guidance includes the phrase “limited English proficiency,” as if the language you speak is part of your “national origin.” In fact, people from every country can and do learn English, and there is no good reason for our government to conduct official business in any other language.

She is the model of Xristian Kindness, ain’t she?

Posted in immigration | Tagged | Leave a comment

Kellyanne Reaches for the Baileys, Cap’n Crunch

Trump KidsLenny and Squiggy (or if you prefer, Uday and Qusay) Trump tells us that instead of looking at Dad’s tax returns, you know, look at his assets:

“I also hear these conspiracy theories all the time. You don’t learn that much from a tax return in all fairness,” he told CNBC. “I heard someone the other day, ‘Trump has ties to the mob. If he released his tax returns you would clearly see that.’ Are you guys kidding me? You learn a lot more when you look at a person’s assets. You know how many hotels we have around the world? You know how many golf courses we have around the world?”

“Are you kidding me?! The Gambinos would have my balls for hors d’oeuvres at happy hour,” he didn’t say, “if our accountants forgot to launder the money through the golf courses.” He then didn’t add, “Oops.”

Posted in 2016 Goat Rodeo, Hair Furer, Donald Trump | 11 Comments

The Shy and Timid Trump Voter

Unskew the Polls 2016!

Eiron, the Goddess of Irony, laughed so hard she farted:

“Donald Trump performs consistently better in online polling where a human being is not talking to another human being about what he or she may do in the election,” she told the UK’s Channel 4.

Conway added: “It’s because it’s become socially desirable, if you’re a college-educated person in the United States of America, to say that you’re against Donald Trump.”

The recently appointed campaign manager said that the “hidden Trump vote” is “very significant.”

“Have you been able to put a number on that?” the interviewer asked.

“Yes,” Conway replied.

“What do you think that is?” the interviewer pressed.

“I can’t discuss it,” she said. “It’s a project we’re doing internally. I call it the undercover Trump voter, but it’s real.”

Yeah, the Trump supporters are afraid of expressing their opinions.

Posted in 2016 Goat Rodeo, Hair Furer, Donald Trump | 6 Comments

Trying to Lie with Statistics: An Eric Bolling Master Class

Bolling: “Can I just clarify though? Blacks are being shot six times more often than whites… But they’re committing eight times the amount of crime than whites… By those numbers blacks are being treated more fairly than whites under those numbers.”

First off, Bolling does not cite his sources, he just blurts it out at his guest, so who knows where he got it (and my guess would be he’s sitting on it).

Secondly, blacks are a minority of the population, and so you have to adjust for their percentage of population, and once you do that you see that blacks are indeed shot more often than whites.

As for crime, I think we all realize that there is a huge sliding scale of what is a crime; and what might be a crime in Possum Hollar (jay walking, spitting on the sidewalk, driving while black, etc.) might not be considered a crime in Los Angeles or even be enforceable . With a few obvious exceptions, laws are local and crime is local, so it is a really broad brush to paint an entire segment of the population.

Nice try, Bolling, but you essentially just spewed out David Duke’s raison d’etre.

Clarification: From Scissorhead Ellis Weiner in the comments: “Forget Possum Hollar, even. “Crime” is not synonymous with “reason to be shot.” Just as “clarify” isn’t synonymous with “befuddle with self-serving bullshit.” Thus endeth the lesson.”

Posted in Racism | 5 Comments

One Lump of Stupid or Two, Trump Campaign?

Bennie 'The Blade' Carson

Bennie ‘The Blade’ Carson

I think world-renown knife-fighter Bennie-the-Blade Carson skipped out of Hair Furer’s morning talking points bull-session:

“I think that somebody who is running for president of the United States, particularly if they’re elderly, and that would include both major candidates, should disclose their medical history.”

…or maybe he needs to release his own medical records.

Somewhere, Kellyanne Conway is reaching for the Bailey’s and the Cap’n Crunch, but I’m only guessing of course.

Posted in 2016 Goat Rodeo, Ben 'Walk Like An Egyptian' Carson, Hair Furer, Donald Trump | 4 Comments

Bad Signs, Cont.

MPS Salutes our Students!

Back to school 4

‘Ritas, writin’, and ‘rithmatics.

Posted in Bad Signs | 1 Comment

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Happy Hour News Briefs

bachmann-straight-jacket

Our old pal One-L asserts that Hillary’s top aide may be a Saudi plant!

It’s World Nut Daily, so you know, it might be misleading… what’s that, you say?

“Advancing Shariah law globally was the Abedin family business,” Bachmann said.

Jeebus weeps.

Posted in 2016 Goat Rodeo, Bachmann the Nutjobber, Islamophobia, Y'all Qaeda | 7 Comments

Breaking! The Death of the Media!

The Death of the Media

CNN!

CNN!


Wow! Who knew that a tree stump could grow hair!

Posted in 2016 Goat Rodeo, CNN, Death of the Media, media, Mike 'Fat Termite' Pence | 5 Comments

The Afternoon Quote

But he loves you, buddy.

But he loves you, buddy.

The Christian Post’s very wordy Executive Editor Richard Land explains to us why he is voting for Hair Furer Donald Trump:

So, in a fallen world, faced with the painful choice of choosing between the lesser evil (Donald Trump) vs. the greater evil (Hillary Clinton), I believe I have a moral obligation to vote for the lesser evil. Otherwise, I become morally culpable for the greater evil prevailing. Some Evangelicals have said, “If I voted for Donald Trump, I would have to apologize to Bill Clinton.” Frankly, I feel that if I didn’t vote for Donald Trump in order to defeat Hillary Clinton, I would have to apologize to Jesus.

Posted in 2016 Goat Rodeo, Hair Furer, Donald Trump | 7 Comments

Narcissism, Thy Name Is Trump

Funny how he knows what the media is saying about him, always.

Posted in 2016 Goat Rodeo, Hair Furer, Donald Trump | 13 Comments