Babs-The-Impaler Update

The Map of Hell by Botticelli — Babs goes apartment hunting

The media is going full-bore (see what I did there?) covering the entombment of Babs-the-Impaler. NBC, ABC, CBS, CNN, Fox News, MSNBC and other channels will present live coverage of Saturday’s funeral. The broadcast network coverage will begin at noon ET.

I suppose everyone wants to witness the entombment of the cambion, and make sure the welds on the lead box are strong. I still recommend Fukushima Daiichi as the proper final resting place, but I suppose any Hell Mouth will do.

  • 4 former presidents: In addition to both former Presidents Bush, the 1,500 attendees will include former President Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton, former President Obama and Michelle Obama, First Lady Melania Trump, Dan and Marilyn Quayle, and Dick and Lynn Cheney.
  • As eulogists for the 90-minute service, Mrs. Bush chose her son Jeb, personal friend and confidant Susan Baker, and historian Jon Meacham.

She had to take one last swipe at Chimpy, which I kinda admire. Even in death, her decoction is pure meanness.

When the Bush Crime Family plays the traditional Taps  on their armpits, it will be very moving.

UPDATE 1: Hope they have silver bullets, as is custom. Just in case —

UPDATE 2: We afraid of her then

Posted in Chimpy's Crime Family | 6 Comments

Trump Train Is Coming Down The Tracks!

Little Kremlin-on-the-Potomac

Exciting News From Trump!

Today we learn that the perpetual underdog, the DNC, hated by Democrats and Dimocrats equally, has done something that required the use of their vestigial spine: the DNC filed a lawsuit against the Candidate Stupid’s 2016 Goat Rodeo Campaign and his co-conspirators: Russia and WikiLeaks:

“The Democratic National Committee alleges in a new multimillion dollar lawsuit that the Russian government, the Trump campaign and WikiLeaks engaged in a sweeping plot to interfere in the 2016 election in President Donald Trump’s favor.

“The lawsuit accuses top officials for the Trump campaign, Russian government officials and their military intelligence service, the GRU, of engaging in a vast, coordinated effort to inflict damage on Trump’s general election rival, Democratic Party presidential nominee Hillary Clinton.”

Which is, all things considered extraordinary; who knew that a spine transplant was possible? But I digress.

“During the 2016 presidential campaign, Russia launched an all-out assault on our democracy, and it found a willing and active partner in Donald Trump’s campaign,” DNC Chair Tom Perez said in a statement. “This constituted an act of unprecedented treachery: the campaign of a nominee for President of the United States in league with a hostile foreign power to bolster its own chance to win the presidency.”

“The complaint alleges that through communications between Russian operatives and top Trump campaign officials, “Russian agents formed an agreement to promote Donald Trump’s candidacy through illegal means.”

So the real question that assorted legal minds are probably wondering is, does the DNC have standing to sue?

  • I have no idea if one can sue a foreign country; sounds improbable. That said, Mueller in February unveiled charges against 13 Russian nationals and three foreign entities on charges relating to the 2016 election meddling, alleging a coordinated online campaign to sway voters in favor of Trump. So, maybe?
  • Wikileaks is not an American organization, and as far as I know Mr. Assange is still living in a closet in an embassy somewhere in London. WikiLeaks already is arguing that it is immune to legal action.
  • However, the Candidate Stupid’s 2016  Goat Rodeo Campaign is a US Corporation (“corporations are people, my friends!”), it is on US soil, and presumably it is subject to US laws and whatnot. That shouldn’t be funny, but it is for those of us with a bitter, cynical streak.

If a court rules that the DNC has locus standi (i.e., that it was harmed by the action of the subjects), then the suit can go forward. Presumably, the DNC will get to depose ALL the leaders of Candidate Stupid’s 2016 Goat Rodeo Campaign, including Lenny & Squiggy, The First Shady, and Comrade Trump. Under oath, or in his case, oaf.  The key word is “discovery.”

The Fourth Reich is trying not to say “discovery.” The flop sweat is already starting:

“This is a sham lawsuit about a bogus Russian collusion claim filed by a desperate, dysfunctional, and nearly insolvent Democratic Party,” said Brad Parscale, the campaign manager for Trump’s 2020 re-election bid.”

Can you say “discovery”?

“Parscale added that if the suit moved forward, the Trump campaign would use the discovery process to explore “actual corruption” he alleges took place by the DNC to “influence the outcome of the 2016 presidential election.”

I knew you could say it!

“Trump took to Twitter to react to the lawsuit from what he called “the Obstructionist Democrats.“ The president said the action could spell “good news“ for his campaign because “we will now counter for the DNC Server that they refused to give to the FBI.“

Oh, noes! The infamous Podesta Bolognese is on the menu again!

But here’s the take-away, wrapped up in a doggie bag: If the judge finds that the DNC has standing, even if special counsel Robert Mueller is fired, the Little Kremlin-on-the-Potomac investigation continues.

More to come: DNC chair Tom Perez will be on “Meet the Press.” Will Chuck Todd… oh, why do I even bother.

Posted in 2016 Goat Rodeo, Little-Kremlin-on-the-Potomac | 6 Comments

Bad Signs, Cont.

Posted in Bad Signs | 6 Comments

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Happy Hour News Briefs

Noted tsunami stopper and ant resurrectionist Frank Amedia was on the Jim Bakker Potato Slop Hour with some of his irenic POTUS Shield brethrens and cisterns again, but alas, didn’t stop the weather nor raised any dead ants, but he does tell us about his latest work fighting witches and whatnot to defend the white devil in the White House!

And then they took action and cast out the witches and warlocks (as one does) that are holding back Comrade Trump From fulfilling their doomful prophecy!

Let’s listen!

“We lift up witches and warlocks who have been a part of this assignment,” Jackson said, “as they have gathered in numbers almost immeasurable to curse this specific president. We cancel, we bind their authority, we bind their curses, we lift up your word that says you shall not revile the gods and neither shall you bring a curse upon the rule of God’s people. We declare those assignments null and void and we claim the souls of many of the witches and warlocks.”

He left out the bit about the one Ring that will “ in the Dampness bind them,” or whatevs. But other than that, pretty good incantations what with the Chyron scrolling ads for  treif underneath.

Posted in snark | 16 Comments

And Now We Know

Scissorhead Purplehead alerts us to this Scientific Breakthrough!

So now we know the taxonomy of the White Wingnut! Shoulda known it would be in Walnut’s family. It all makes sense.

Posted in Grandpa Walnuts, snark, Wingnuttia | 7 Comments

Midday Palate Cleanser

Imgur

Looks dangerous, be aware, citizens!

Posted in snark | 5 Comments

Bridenstein To Lead Space Agency

SpaceHelmet1953

The US Senate in all of its august wisdom has installed Rep. Jim Bridenstein to be the head of NASA:

“Typically, NASA administrators are chosen from within NASA’s ranks, come up through the military, or have a background in science. Bridenstine has none of that. His qualifications: He’s former Navy pilot who once ran the Air and Space Museum in Tulsa. He also sits on the House Committee that oversees NASA. The third-term representative is now the first member of Congress to hold the administrator job.”

Bridenstein, aside from his obvious qualifications of running the Tulsa Air and Space Museum into the red is also a climate change denier, which seems to be a hobby of Republicans from Oklahoma, along with financial shenanigans. (Looking at you, Scott Pruitt.) That said, there is some glimmer of hope:

“As a politician, Bridenstine has hedged on climate change, an issue NASA scientists study and track in many different ways. During his confirmation hearing in November, Bridenstine agreed that humans are the driving force behind climate change, but he would not agree with the assertion that human activity is the primary cause of it. It’s an odd position to hold as the leader of an agency that provides some of the most comprehensive data on climate change in the world…

“…On earth science issues, Bridenstine has expressed enthusiasm about supporting research when it comes to weather forecasting. “My constituents get killed in tornadoes,” he once said at an industry conference. “I care about space.” And during his confirmation hearing, he said he wouldn’t let politics interfere with earth science research.”

Mr. Burns 100

Noot In Space

Anyway the articles indicate that he is more interested in space exploration than in using NASA technology to study the earth. Like Noot, he has called for a permanent US Moon Base, and if he can find a way to launch Noot into space, then maybe it will all be worth it?

 

Posted in climate change, Science, Space! | 6 Comments

Grifters Gotta Grift

It wobbles but it won’t slow down

Our old pal Mooselini has a new angle: She is now an Instagram Influencer:

Former Republican vice presidential nominee and Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin shared a photo of a “skinny tea” along with a discount code for 15% off for the brand to her more than 25,000 Instagram followers Wednesday.

“Palin wrote in her caption, “As a busy 🏒mom I need all the energy I can get, but coffee makes me crash mid-day and I dread feeling sluggish (and sometimes not so super kid-friendly!). After visiting Bristol recently, she raved about the @teamiblends skinny tea that she swears by and has been using forever, so I gave the teas a shot – Amazing! My new coffee replacement for a few weeks now! I travel a lot, plus we do so many outdoor activities requiring lots of energy – the teas help and actually let me keep up with Trig 🏃 It’s easy to take the tea everywhere after filling up my tumbler in the morning. So easy! No need to add sugar because it’s so good 😘 You can use code PALIN for 15% off your order! #thankyouteami”

Totally believe she wrote that herself. You can tell because, um. Wait. It’ll come to me.

“Carly Halvin, social media manager for Teami, wrote in an email, “Sarah Palin has been a customer of our brand since 2016. Her and her family all use and love Teami Blends. We are very lucky that she chose to share her Teami experience with her audience.”

For a nominal fee?

“Halvin did not answer a question about whether Palin was paid for the post.”

Those Naughty Monkey shoes don’t pay for themselves (usually the RNC does), so you betcha she was paid for that. But as always, there might be legal issues where’er Mooselini goes:

The Federal Trade Commission requires influencers to disclose their relationship to a brand if they endorse or promote it on social media. This is often seen with the hashtag #ad, #spon, or #sponsored in the caption, which Palin did not include in hers.

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Fran)

Posted in Grifters Gotta Grift, Mooselini | 15 Comments

Local Ambulance Chaser Chases National Train Wreck

They say that the camera shows your soul.

Legal genius Rudy Giuliani is joining the legal team of stable genius Comrade Stupid because, well, in his own words (emphasis mine):

“‘I’m going to join the legal team to try to bring this to a resolution,’ Giuliani told The Post. ‘The country deserves it. I’ve got great admiration for President Trump. “I’ve had a long relationship with Bob Mueller. I have great respect for him. He’s done a good job.’ Giuliani, a former US Attorney, served as New York City’s mayor when Mueller was the FBI director. ‘I don’t know yet what’s outstanding. But I don’t think it’s going to take more than a week or two to get a resolution. They’re almost there. “I’m going to ask Mueller, ‘What do you need to wrap it up?’” he said.”

Rudy was an US Attorney and never a defense counsellor, last practiced law, oh, about 29 years ago and has some time on his hands as wife #3 presented him with divorce #3 just a couple of weeks ago. One wonders if Judith gets to keep the wedding tiara?

Prznint Stupid, as we all know, has his choice of the best legal representation in the Little Kremlin-on-the-Potomac matter, who have been beating down the door of 1600 to join the team…say, what?

  • John Dowd, the Comrade Stupid’s personal lawyer quit.
  • Ty Cobb, who infamously consulted the Mystical Ouija Board and then declared the Russia probe would be over by Thanksgiving 2017. (Looks like Rudy is getting in on that one. See above.)
  • Joseph diGenova, who peddled  conspiracy theories on Fox News that the F.B.I. and D.O.J. were in COLLUSION!!1! to frame Trump, and his wife (treasonous Scooter Libby’s failed consiglieri Victoria Toensing) decided at the last minute they had other fish to fry.

Popcorn, anyone?

So many geniuses, amiright?

Anyway, now the former slinger of Trump Steaks doesn’t have to represent hisself in court, so that’s a notable improvement.

Posted in Comrade Preznint Stupid, The Russian Usurper, Little-Kremlin-on-the-Potomac, Rudy Giuliani | 10 Comments

29 minutes later…

Eleventy-dimensional Stratergery from Devin Nunes!

…the Republicans leaked the subpoena’ed Comey memos to AP.

TPM has the memos.

Posted in 4th Reich | 10 Comments