Bad Signs, Cont.

Can’t talk, my mouth is full.

(Hat tip: Secret Scissorhead on the Twitters, @NamelessCynic)

Posted in Bad Signs | 3 Comments

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Happy Hour News Briefs

Oh, dear. The Dumb one was trying to say sumpin’ again, and Dr. Freud walked by in a slip, again:

 

Posted in Fox News, Petunia and Pals | 1 Comment

“We Regret The Error”

Tiger Beat on the Potomac’s afternoon email thingie found a great correction:

Good Tuesday afternoon. CORRECTION OF THE DAY … WAPO, A2: “A Nov. 28, 2018, Page One article about President Trump’s attacks on the Federal Reserve incorrectly reported the height of former Fed chair Janet L. Yellen. She is 5 feet tall, not 5-foot-3.”

One of you mugs thought I was kidding about Comrade Stupid not re-nominating her because she was too short. It’s all about casting a reality teevee show to that buffoon.

Pay-up the quatloos you owe in the comments.

Posted in snark, Tiger Beat in the Potomac, WaPo | Leave a comment

Pounds Head On Desk Looking For Sweet, Sweet Relief

No, dear Blog, no.

Oh, jeebus. The United KINGSTON?!!!

Whatever happened to the Prince of Whales?

(Hat tip: Scissorhead D-Cap)

Posted in Congratulations, Ivanka-ka, The First Shady, People Dumber than Dolphins | 10 Comments

Midday Palate Cleanser

“First, I lull them into a false sense of security, and then BAM! It’s Fillet of Fish time, baby!”

Posted in Birds Are Jerks, Palate Cleansers | 5 Comments

Dog Day AfterNunes*

Devin Nunes?

I’m losing my will to live:

President Donald Trump recently spoke to top House Intelligence Republican Devin Nunes about replacements for the country’s intelligence chief — the latest sign that Dan Coats’ tenure may be short-lived…

Because of these similar views, some on Capitol Hill and in the intelligence community think Nunes himself could be in the mix for an intelligence post, even if it’s not at ODNI.

“The president would certainly consider Devin Nunes for the director’s position and I eventually see him serving in some capacity in this administration,” said one member of Congress who speaks to Trump frequently. He noted, however, that he sees “all of Devin’s efforts being directed towards a reelection effort in Congress.”

Gee, does the name of that one member of Congress who speaks to Trump frequently rhyme with Nevin Dunes?

Given the lavish tongue-bathing from Nunes and the loyalty oafs (not a typo) that Godfather Stupid prefers, this speculation carries a lot more weight than I care to believe. He’d be confirmed by the GOP Senate in a heartbeat, too, as much as I hate to believe.

*count your blessings, I had a lot of puns to choose from.

Posted in Comrade Preznint Stupid, The Russian Usurper | 7 Comments

Suck On It, Libs!

(MarketWatch – click image to read their coverage)

OK, this got my attention yesterday, too/also, but I didn’t have time for it:

Way to own the libs! Spend $1.5 Ameros on a single straw to own the libs, yo Possum Hollar!

And $200K Ameros is good money. Prznint Horndog easily could pay off another pornstar with that (ALLEGEDLY!), and have money left over to buy a new golf portrait for  one of his tacky clubs/resorts, and still cover the cost of his Staten Island spray-on tan.

Posted in 2020 Goat Rodeo, Comrade Preznint Stupid, The Russian Usurper, Sex fiends | 14 Comments

Bedtime for Wilbur Ross?

Wilbur Ross hard at work

Yesterday, Scissorheads on Twitter were tweeting this story about living Unisom Wilbur Ross at me…

…which I guess means I need to address this Politico story head-on:

The Commerce Department has reached its apex of dysfunction under Wilbur Ross, according to four people with knowledge of the inner workings of the department. The 81-year-old Commerce secretary, who has for months endured whispers that he is on the outs, spends much of his time at the White House to try to retain President Donald Trump’s favor, the sources said, leaving his department adrift.

“He’s sort of seen as kind of irrelevant. The morale is very low there because there’s not a lot of confidence in the secretary,” said a former outside adviser to Commerce who is still in touch with many employees at the department. “He’s not respected in the building.”

Ibid.

Ross doesn’t hold routine meetings with senior staffers, according to a person familiar with the department’s inner workings and a former outside adviser — a departure from past practice that one source attributed to the secretary’s lack of stamina.

“Because he tends to fall asleep in meetings, they try not to put him in a position where that could happen so they’re very careful and conscious about how they schedule certain meetings,” said the former outside adviser. “There’s a small window where he’s able to focus and pay attention and not fall asleep.”

Ah, now we’re getting somewhere. I can almost hear the angry bark of “LOW ENERGY! SAD!”

But we’ve known about Ross’ dropping off to sleep for years:

The few times when Ross has been awake during the last two years he’s used his time to:

  • describe the bombing of another country as after-dinner entertainment for the enjoyment of the members of Trump’s Merde-a-Lardo.
  • conceal his investments in a shipping company, and then selling it and essentially shorting Vlad Putin!
  • fail to divest from holding stocks as promised.
  • suggest to furloughed gubmint employees unable to pay their bills during the shutdown to shut-up take out a loan.
  • try (and hilariously fail) to get a citizenship question added to the 2020 census, for the purpose of gerrymandering electoral districts.
  • steal Sweet-n-Low packets.

So here’s the stuff that will probably get him booted because Comrade Stupid doesn’t care about Wilbur Ross’ obvious grifting:

  • The unsuccessful attempt to screw the Census.
  • Not being as rich as claimed. Trump hates millionaire losers!
  • OK, we’ll include LOW ENERGY!

Yeah, he’ll probably be YOU’RE FIRED’ed pretty soon.

Posted in Grifters Gotta Grift, Wilbur Ross the Living Unisom | 3 Comments

Watch This Space

(H/T Scissorhead D-Cap)

So it looks like tactical Nancy Pelosi might have won again, but a lot can happen between now and Thursday. All it will take is for Prznint Mike Teavee to watch one episode Petunia & Pals, or of Tucker Hannity, or for Elsa She-Wolf of the SS, er, Ingraham to bash the deal and it gets sent to the cornfield.

Remember the gubmint shutdown last year?

Posted in Comrade Preznint Stupid, The Russian Usurper, Fox News | 5 Comments

Bad Packaging, Cont.

I had to look-up this one, and then it’s pretty funny, I guess? I asked my sister, and she howled.

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Dennis Cole)

Posted in Bad Packaging | 14 Comments