Bad Tattoos, Cont.


I kinda think he might get laid again. That was pretty funny.

(Hat tip: Scissorhead @NamelessCynic on the electrical twitter machine)

Posted in Never Laid Again, snark | Leave a comment

Interdepartmental Transfer At Fox for Guilfoyle

Brian Stelter’s Reliable Sources Email thingie:

Fox solves its Kimberly Guilfoyle problem

Fox News abruptly parted ways with one of its biggest stars, Kimberly Guilfoyle, on Friday. What happened? Well, I don’t think we’ve heard the full story yet. But Guilfoyle’s relationship with Donald Trump Jr. was definitely a factor. They seem like a cute couple — but the relationship clearly posed a conflict issue with her job — and she was starting to attend campaign events where Don Jr. was speaking. It was an untenable situation at Fox.

VF’s Gabriel Sherman broke the news of her departure via a tweet on Friday morning. CNN’s Oliver Darcy quickly confirmed it. Later in the day (maybe after the exit deal was worked out?) Fox announced: “Fox News has parted ways with Kimberly Guilfoyle.”

Fox’s Howard Kurtz noted that the statement said “nothing about her years of service or her future plans. The trigger obviously her romance with the president’s son.”

She left without getting to say goodbye on the air… so you know this was not amicable…

That Brian, such a kidder! Fox worried about ethics!

By my way of thinking, Guilfoyle has transferred from one division of Fox to another.

Posted in Fox News, media, Udsay and Qusay Trump | 5 Comments

The Tapes Are Real!

3 out of 4

No, not those tapes.

Comrade Stupid’s Stupidest Lawyer (sorry Rudy!) Michael Cohen secretly recorded some of his conversations with Comrade Stupid, apparently one of them is about making payments to Playboy Bunny Karen McDougal. And as Dame Noonington would postulate, it would be irresponsible to not speculate!

I’m going to say it as clearly as I can: that tape is an insurance policy, and probably set up as a deadman’s switch. As an insurance policy, that tape would make its way to law enforcement if anything happened to him, and Cohen must have realized somewhere along the line that he needed an insurance policy so that he would not be getting any Russian Tea.

And pure speculation: there must be more than one tape. No one makes only one, so there will be more shoes to drop. Bank on it.

Anyway, depending on what’s on the recordings, Prznint Stupid might have just been caught violating campaign finance laws by repaying $150,000 Ameros to the National Enquirer for buying Karen McDougal’s silence. We can ask D’Vorce D’Spousa if breaking campaign finance laws is a felony, and I’m pretty sure he would say YES.

UPDATE 1: He’s sweating already —

My favorite president?

Posted in 2016 Goat Rodeo, Comrade Preznint Stupid, The Russian Usurper, Sex fiends | 17 Comments

Housekeeping Note

I have an-out-of-town houseguest for the big music festival, so this weekend posting will be light.

–The Management

Posted in The Small Print | 5 Comments

Midday Palate Cleanser


The new Jurassic Park reboot looks awesome!

Posted in cats, Palate Cleansers | 5 Comments

Too Little, Too Late

It’s a nest of ’em.


“The Justice Department plans to alert the public to foreign operations targeting U.S. democracy under a new policy designed to counter hacking and disinformation campaigns such as the one Russia undertook in 2016 to disrupt the presidential election.
“The government will inform American companies, private organizations and individuals that they are being covertly attacked by foreign actors attempting to affect elections or the political process.”

The DOJ will consider a number of factors in notifying people, including:

  • whether sources and methods are at risk
  • whether the attribution is as certain as possible
  • whether the announcement would abide “with longstanding policies regarding the timing of charges or taking overt investigative steps” if it took place during an election.

The DOJ has an unwritten rule not to impact an election with any announcements, which as we all know is the rule that James Comey broke when he announced that the FBI was re-opening the investigation of Hillary Clinton’s personal email server, and threw the election to Comrade Trump.

Had the policy been in place in 2016, it could have alerted:

  • Faceberg that a foreign actor was using its business to distribute propaganda.
  • The DNC that a foreign hacker was trying to hack its systems.
  • Comrade Stupid’s campaign that Russia was trying to aid it.
  • The General Public (not the band) if “federal or national interests…outweigh any countervailing considerations.”

I’m trying to figure out if that would have mattered to any of those four:

  • Faceberg, as we now know, already knew the Russians were buying ads but what the heck: Russians need a voice, too!, as Zuck would say. And the checks cleared.
  • The Podesta Bolognese Sauce & Co. trade secrets were already grabbed.
  • The Trump 2016 Goat Rodeo Campaign was (ALLEGEDLY) using the Cyrillic alphabet, figuratively speaking. “We welcome the help.”
  • The (ALLEGEDLY) economically insecure, white supremacists of Possum Hollar would not have cared less.

So, you know, maybe it would make a difference if the Left didn’t feel that Clinton had it in the bag?

Posted in 2016 Goat Rodeo, 2018 Pie Fight, 2020 Goat Rodeo | 6 Comments

This is Not Normal: Prznint Stupid Attacks Federal Reserve

The movers and the shakers in the White House

It was only a matter of time, I suppose, before Comrade Stupid decided to attack Jerome Powell, the Fed Chairman, you know, if nothing else than for the sake of form.

As many economists observed, the Billions for Billionaires Bill was going to stimulate the already booming economy and ultimately lead towards inflation, and one of the Fed’s bi-polar charter is that it must stop inflation at all costs (the other is that it must increase employment, so very schizophrenic). Powell is by law doing just that, and raised the interest rates accordingly, and Comrade Trump went full balls-out hammer-down mad-monkey terror dome crazy and attacked the Fed.

This is not normal:

Axios’ morning email thingie tells us:

The trade war between the U.S. and other countries is shifting into a currency war. This is the second time this week Trump has roiled currency markets with comments about Fed policy. The dollar fell shortly after Trump’s tweets.

CNBC reports:

“In a stinging and historically rare criticism, President Donald Trump expressed frustration with the Federal Reserve and said the central bank could disrupt the economic recovery.

“I’m not thrilled,” he told CNBC’s Joe Kernen in an interview to air in full Friday starting at 6 A.M. ET on Squawk Box. “Because we go up and every time you go up they want to raise rates again. I don’t really—I am not happy about it. But at the same time I’m letting them do what they feel is best. But I don’t like all of this work that goes into doing what we’re doing.”

And so some poor bastard in the White House who was on babysitting duty had to instantly respond:

The “Ok” makes it art.

The Federal Reserve is allegedly an independent agency, but we’re waiting for Comrade Stupid to call Powell into an intimate dinner and demand a Comey-like loyalty oath any day now.

Posted in 4th Reich, Comrade Preznint Stupid, The Russian Usurper | 9 Comments

500 Quatloos Dan Coats is You’re Fired’ed Before Midterms

Putin Rides Again
(credit: The Art of Buddy McCue via Scissorhead B-4)

The Russians claim that Comrade Trump and Vladimir Putin made some verbal agreements  including an extension of the New START and INF agreements and something about Syria. Good news, da?

Except no one in the U.S. government knows what The Russian Usurper and his boss agreed to.

Trump might know what the Russians are talking about, or maybe not. As Fran Lebowitz once quipped, the opposite of talking is not listening; it is waiting.

Does anyone really think that a narcissist like Comrade Trump pays any attention to what anyone else is saying (other than praise for himself)?

So once again, Pravda will be announcing what they agreed to do, and apparently our Enemy of the People (free press) will be breaking the news to the Cabinet on live interview shows, like Mrs. Greenspan did to DNI Dan Coats, who started laughing in shock.

Anyone got some Quatloos riding on how long before Dan Coats is You’re Fired’ed?

UPDATE 1: In Friday’s NYT, GOP congressman Will Hurd has an op-ed titled “Trump Is Being Manipulated by Putin. What Should We Do?”



Posted in 2018 Pie Fight, Comrade Preznint Stupid, The Russian Usurper, Pooty-Poot Putin | 8 Comments

And He Was Never Laid Again


…for a lot of reasons, I’m guessing.

Posted in Never Laid Again | 3 Comments

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Happy Hour News Briefs

Our new favorite conspiracy theorist Liz Crokin is giving Alex ‘The Master’ Jones a run for the money:

“The idea that JFK Jr & Carolyn faked their own deaths to avoid assassination and have lived in witness protection for two decades plotting & executing The Plan to take down the pedophile Satanists who killed President Kennedy is the most amazing and romantic thing I’ve ever heard!”

Seek professional help liz.

Posted in Conspiracy Theories, Liz Crokin | 8 Comments