Great Signs, Cont.

H/T @NamelessCynic

Bet he got off on an earlier exit, amiright ladies?

(I’ll find my own way out, thanks.)

Posted in snark | 1 Comment

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Happy Hour News

(Ben Sasse’s Twitter Profile Picture)

Nebraska Sen. Ben Sasse (R) to retire, colleagues say, “Who?”

WASHINGTON — Sen. Ben Sasse, R-Neb., who frequently clashed with former President Donald Trump but won a second term in 2020, is expected to resign before the end of the year, a source familiar with the move confirmed to NBC News on Thursday.

In case you need a refresher, Sasse was the genius that was trying to get the US Capitol to move to… Nebraska because he thought if it was in the center of the country, uh, people would be more centered. I’m totally not making that up.

And now, he’s leaving to become president of the University of Floriduh, which I think makes him an employee of Ron DeSantis, and unlikely to be in the 2024 Goat Rodeo, so he’s a scratch.

First order of business, move the University…

Posted in Ben Sassee, Crazeee States, Floriduh, Nebraska, Wingnuttia | 1 Comment

Helpful Tips

If only someone had explained Macro Economics to me as clearly as this, my whole GPA could have been higher; I eff’ed around and sadly did not find out in time.

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Purplehead)

Posted in snark | 3 Comments

Smoke ‘em If You Got ‘em

President Handsome Joe Biden
(undated file photo)

President Joe Biden gives us an October Surprise:

As I often said during my campaign for President, no one should be in jail just for using or possessing marijuana.  Sending people to prison for possessing marijuana has upended too many lives and incarcerated people for conduct that many states no longer prohibit. Criminal records for marijuana possession have also imposed needless barriers to employment, housing, and educational opportunities.  And while white and Black and brown people use marijuana at similar rates, Black and brown people have been arrested, prosecuted, and convicted at disproportionate rates.

Today, I am announcing three steps that I am taking to end this failed approach.

First, I am announcing a pardon of all prior Federal offenses of simple possession of marijuana.  I have directed the Attorney General to develop an administrative process for the issuance of certificates of pardon to eligible individuals.  There are thousands of people who have prior Federal convictions for marijuana possession, who may be denied employment, housing, or educational opportunities as a result.  My action will help relieve the collateral consequences arising from these convictions.

Second, I am urging all Governors to do the same with regard to state offenses.  Just as no one should be in a Federal prison solely due to the possession of marijuana, no one should be in a local jail or state prison for that reason, either.

Third, I am asking the Secretary of Health and Human Services and the Attorney General to initiate the administrative process to review expeditiously how marijuana is scheduled under federal law.  Federal law currently classifies marijuana in Schedule I of the Controlled Substances Act, the classification meant for the most dangerous substances.  This is the same schedule as for heroin and LSD, and even higher than the classification of fentanyl and methamphetamine – the drugs that are driving our overdose epidemic.

Finally, even as federal and state regulation of marijuana changes, important limitations on trafficking, marketing, and under-age sales should stay in place.

Too many lives have been upended because of our failed approach to marijuana.  It’s time that we right these wrongs.

Posted in snark | 5 Comments

Here’s Some Stupid For Lunch

Tiffany Smiley is the Republican running against Senator Patty Murray here in the Gret Stet of Warshington. You might notice that Smiley is weirdly standing in front of a green screen in this ad. Where she is standing would be in the middle of a busy 4-lane street on a curve, so it really screams fraud to we locals.

This Capitol Hill Starbucks she is referring to closed this summer when the barista’s organized and Howard Schultz didn’t like that, so he shut it down claiming that it was out of safety for his employees.

What you may not know is that if you could peak behind the green screen Starbucks to the right hand side, in plain sight, is the neighborhood favorite Analog Coffee —which is thriving and has been all along even during the pandemic (they don’t have wifi and they play vinyl records, hence, analog).  Analog also makes what are arguably the best espresso drinks in the city, but that’s just me.

But you know who else knows about Analog? Senator Patty Murray, that’s who!

I’m not going to say that it matters that much that Murray actually visited the ‘hood and knew where to go; but I will say that it matters a lot that Smiley not only did NOT visit the ‘hood, she also favorited Starbucks. This will probably play well in sparsely populated, conservative eastern Warshington.

Gonna go out on a limb and guess that Murray is going to win the election, and I suspect she’ll dominate the voting in the ‘hood, which is the most densely populated part of Seattle and therefor Warshington State.

Posted in 2022 Pie Fight | Leave a comment

Midday Palate Cleanser

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Purplehead)

 

Posted in Birds Are Jerks, Palate Cleansers | 3 Comments

Fetterman’s Social Media Remains Undefeated

Fetterman is leading Crudité deVille in PA 46% to 42% at Electoral-Vote.

Posted in 2022 Pie Fight, John Fetterman | 2 Comments

Christians Rally Around Walker

The larger story, of course, is that the Xristian Xrazies are marvelously pliable and plastic about, you know, having a lying adulterer as a candidate versus (checks notes) an actual reverend from MLK’s own church. Tiger Beat reports:

“I think that any Christian who engages in the political process — and especially someone who’s a pastor — you’re always going to be confronted with someone that is either less than ideal, or something that flat-out contradicts what you believe in,” [Pastor Anthony George] said in an interview.

Since revelations surfaced that the former football star and self-described “pro-life” Republican had allegedly paid for an ex-girlfriend’s abortion in 2009, evangelical Christian leaders in Georgia have banded together to support Walker, as has the Republican Party in general. Walker has staked out a hard-line, “no exceptions” position on abortion.

So it really is a do as I say and not as I do situation?

“The dilemma is, do you wait for a candidate who is perfect?” George said on Wednesday. “Do you wait for a candidate who perfectly aligns with everything you not only want them to do when they’re elected, but all of your cultural and moral beliefs? Or do you take what’s given to you and make the choice between the options?”

In the olden days (Pre-PolPotus), this was much derided as moral relativism. I recall many a scold wagging a finger from Reagan-onward:

The Atlanta-area pastor said he isn’t sure whether the most recent allegation is actually “a hit job,” but he does believe that Warnock’s support for abortion rights in the Senate matters more than Walker’s alleged personal conduct. POLITICO has not independently verified the reports.

“Herschel would have to do and say a whole lot for me to not support him over Warnock,” George said.

It’s been said by many that religion is the last bastion of the scoundrel, so what does the scoundrel himself have to say?

“I was forgiven, the Lord has forgiven me,” Walker said in an interview Wednesday on Fox News. “Like I’ve said, I am a Christian. I will always be a Christian. That’s the reason I got into this race, because I see things that are going wrong that’s not right in this country.”

Walker released a new TV ad on Wednesday that also emphasized his faith, saying he had struggled with mental health problems in the past but “by the grace of God I’ve overcome it.”

And speaking of religious scoundrels, we observe the return of Jack Abramoff’s glabrous grifting pool boy and evangelist-for-hire, Ralph Reed:

Reed condemned the fresh allegations against Walker as more than a dozen years old and from an anonymous source, while saying Georgia voters are motivated much more by the poor economic environment and President Joe Biden’s agenda. Reed acknowledged those comments were similar to what he said in October 2016, when off-camera “Access Hollywood” audio surfaced of Trump joking about sexually assaulting women.

While Reed at the time called Trump’s comments “offensive and inappropriate,” he also noted that they were dated and were “unlikely to rank high” on voters’ lists of concerns.

“Fortunately, I was right about that,” Reed said of his gamble that 2016 voters would still turn out for Trump. “I wasn’t sure, frankly, when I said it, whether I was right or not.”

So Reed is an expert in these matters, what with having sold out his principles for $20, same as in town.

Posted in 2022 Pie Fight, Blog Against Theocracy, Herschell Walker, Ralph Reed, Sex fiends, Theocrats, Xristian Xraxies | 5 Comments

Lots’a Luck, Bub (The Stupid Coup, Part Infinity)

H/T Scissorhead Skinny-D

Here’s a unique gambit that the lawyers for Oaf Keeper Stewart Rhodes are actually going to try: “I was just following orders that never came.”

WASHINGTON (AP) — The defense team in the Capitol riot trial of the Oath Keepers leader is relying on an unusual strategy with Donald Trump at the center.

Lawyers for Stewart Rhodes, founder of the extremist group, are poised to argue that jurorscannot find him guilty of seditious conspiracy because all the actions he took before the siege on Jan. 6, 2021, were in preparation for orders he anticipated from the then-president — orders that never came.

Rhodes and four associates are accused of plotting for weeks to stop the transfer of presidential power from the Republican incumbent to Democrat Joe Biden, culminating with Oath Keepers in battle gear storming the Capitol alongside hundreds of other Trump supporters.

Cannot see a flaw in that argument.

Posted in Insurrection, People Dumber than Dolphins, Sedition, The Stupid Coup | 3 Comments

One Lump of Stupid or Two?

Staff-banging, serial adulterer Newticles —a man of deep throat, er, faith— comes to the rescue of prevaricating, serial-adulterer and notably fertile, Herschel Walker:

Posted in Newticles, Sex fiends | 3 Comments