An Affair To Remember

In Touch Magazine interviewed Stormy Daniels (Comrade Horny’s alleged porn star mistress) in 2006 but never ran the interview until now, because: ew, gross.

The juiciest details allegedly are in the print copy, but the teaser on the web confirms all the gossip that the WSJ hinted:

Stormy told In Touch, “[The sex] was textbook generic,” while discussing the fling they had less than four months after Donald’s wife, Melania, gave birth to their son, Barron. “I actually don’t even know why I did it, but I do remember while we were having sex, I was like, ‘Please, don’t try to pay me.’”

OK, Xristian Xrazies, the ball (so to speak) is in your court. Start the dissembling.

Posted in Comrade Preznint Stupid, The Russian Usurper, Sex fiends | 5 Comments

John Kelly Goes Where Many Have Gone Before!

Seething Rage.
(image courtesy Scissorhead MonkeyFister)

Adult Daycare attendant John Kelly struck a nerve when he said on the nighttime  teevee show (‘Dull Takes With Bret Baier’) watched by that noted stable genius and cognitive test impresario Comrade Stupid:

“As we talked about things — where this president is and how much he wants to deal with this DACA issue and take it away — I told them that, you know, there’s been an evolutionary process that this president has gone through as a campaign [sic]. And I pointed out to all of the members that were in the room that they all say things during the course of campaigns that may or may not be fully informed. But this president, if you’ve seen what he’s done, he has changed the way that he’s looked at a number of things. … So he has evolved in the way he’s looked at things. Campaign to governing are two different things, and this president is very, very flexible in terms of what is within the realm of the possible.”

Oh, boy, this is gonna be fun! He dared to say that Comrade Stupid isn’t the smarted mango-hued shitgibbon ever in the history of the world and that HE educated the Russian Usurper hisself on the stupid Taco Curtain!

Let the Twitter-Twattering begin!

Congrats to Kelly: he’s now on the well-worn path to being You’re Fired’ed!

Posted in 4th Reich, Comrade Preznint Stupid, The Russian Usurper, John Kelly, Social Media, Twitter | 1 Comment

Popcorn, Anyone?

Little Kremlin-on-the-Potomac

Steve Bannon’s legendary animal attractiveness on display

Steve Bannon has decided in all his wisdom to talk to Robert Mueller of his own accord rather than be subpoenaed to appear before a Grand Jury. This of course means that he will have his attorney(s) present, and Mueller will have the FBI present and lying to the FBI is a felony.

In effect Bannon is a man without a country: he has nothing left to lose, having lost it all, and so the real question is who will he turn on. He really has no loyalty to anyone at this point, but on whom can he easily and readily extract vengeance. Maybe Fire and Fury (Fast and Furry?) can give us a clue…

The new Quatloo is released.

I’m gonna go 5,000 Quatloos that he throws Trump’s Fratsputin Jared Kushner under the bus. We know that ol’ Steve has Nazi sympathies, hates Jared, and well, Jared is a Jew. There might be others, but I think he’ll give Mueller enough to go after Kushner.

Now we’re cooking with gas!

Posted in Little-Kremlin-on-the-Potomac, Steve Bannon | 4 Comments

Bad Packaging, Cont.


Well, that ought to give those Herbal Essence commercials a run for the money. So to speak.

(Hat tip: new Seekrit Scissorhead “Lee” via email exchange with Scissorhead Bluegal.)

Posted in Bad Packaging | 7 Comments

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Happy Hour News Briefs

Hey guys, remember Janet (née Folger) Porter, the crazy lady from Judge Roy Moore’s doomed campaign? We’ve been mocking Porter since back when she was a Folger. Anyway, let’s listen to what she has to say to our old pal Dr. Chaps:

Got that?

Porter brags that her stupid heart beat bill (which Gov. Kasich signed, thanks a lot) is actually a Trojan Horse (see what I did there), because as technology improves, we’ll be able to detect heartbeats sooner and sooner, and then, WHAMMO! No more abortions ever again, the end. Heartbeats will be heard before the woman even knows that she’s preggers, and no family planning for you. Slut.

So yes, we are awarding the Golden Schlafly to Janet (née Folger) Porter for excellence in Women Setting Back Women! She’s a strong contender for 2018 right outta the gate!

Posted in Choice, Forced Birth, Golden Schlafly, War on Women | 3 Comments

Headin’ For A Shut-Down

emperor Trump

When Republicans say that they agree with something in principle, it means that they do not have the slightest intention of carrying it out in practice.

Man, I thought Chimpy was an imperial preznincy, but this is new territory.

But on the bright side, if Comrade Stupid is gonna shut down the gubmint, it’s gonna be YUGE, the biggest ever, believe me.

Posted in snark | 6 Comments

Midday Palate Cleanser

Cat Photobombing

Every family has one, right?

Posted in cats, Palate Cleansers | 1 Comment

Blog Whoring

A while ago I said that everything The Russian Usurper touches turns to, well, a shithole, and that includes especially people that associate themselves with him. It’s just a matter of time before the Fates and the Furies exact their revenge.

Not that everyone in the body count was honorable, but their reputations are in tatters, from Steve Bannon to Reince Priebus to Spicy to Sens. Corker/Flake/Graham and his entire crap cabinet (many of whom had successful careers before), and so on. It’s a shit-contagion. Touch Trump and you are sure to suffer the consequences.

Anyway, Scissorhead Ten Bears has a post over at his place that touches the same theme. It’s short and to the point, and explains something in today’s news that I had not considered.

Posted in blog whoring, blogging | 4 Comments

We Don’t Serve Your Kind, Cont.

The Devil Is Gay

Yahoo News:

Two men who ordered programs for their September wedding from a popular printing company but instead received a boxful of anti-gay pamphlets warning, “Satan entices your flesh with evil desires,” have filed a lawsuit claiming breach of contract and emotional pain.

Well, that’s a turd in the punchbowl now, innit?

This isn’t just denying service do to a deeply held religious beliefs, this is an attack. The programs arrived on the day of their wedding, so there was no time for much to correct what happened.

When contacted by Yahoo Lifestyle, Vistaprint spokesperson Sara Nash offered the following response: “Vistaprint would never discriminate against customers for their sexual orientation. We pride ourselves on being a company that celebrates diversity and enables customers all over the world to customize products for their special events. We have just been made aware of this incident in the last few hours. We understand how upsetting it would be for anyone to receive materials such as these the night before their wedding and we have immediately launched an internal investigation. Until we have had the opportunity to complete our investigation, we cannot comment further.”

Vistaprint is part of custom-print company Cimpress, founded in 1996, with manufacturing facilities around the globe and a network of more than 7,000 employees. Its orders are “absolutely guaranteed,” with the website, noting, “We want our customers to be 100 percent happy with their order. If for any reason they are not, we will make it right.”

You know, running a printing press is not exactly a religious bidness, and one could argue (maybe?) that it might be artistic expression. Most of the print vendors I’ve dealt with have no artists on staff. You design it yourself, they print it.

I anticipate the argument that a printer would not print fliers for a KKK rally or to a public lynching (making them an accessory). I don’t think turning away this job would fall into a hate speech defense. And VistaPrint did not turn it away, instead they went for a deliberate evangelical attack.

Posted in Homophobia, marriage equality, We Don't Serve Your Kind | 6 Comments

‘Sound Mind and Body’ — UPDATED

(Credit: @MemphisJohnny1)

NYTimes headline we never thought we’d see: After Exam, President Is Found To Be of Sound Mind and Body. 

No, really.

We do live in weird times.

Washington (CNN) President Donald Trump, hoping to rebut questions about his mental fitness, requested the White House physician perform a cognitive exam during his yearly exam last week.

The President, 71, received a perfect score, the doctor said Tuesday during an extraordinary hour-long questioning session at the White House. And despite high cholesterol and borderline obesity, he declared Trump is in “excellent” health.

“I’ve got to know him pretty well. And I had absolutely no concerns about his cognitive ability or his, you know, his neurological function,” Dr. Ronny Jackson told reporters from the briefing room. He said he hadn’t initially planned to administer the screening for neurological impairments, but did so at Trump’s asking.

“I’ve found no reason whatsoever to think the President has any issues whatsoever with his thought processes,” Jackson said later.

Jackson administered the Montreal Cognitive Assessment  (“The MoCA test is a one-page 30-point test administered in approximately 10 minutes.”) and stable genius Comrade Stupid passed with a perfect 30/30 score. CNN’s Dr. Sanjay Gupta, however, is throwing some shade:

Almost everywhere I go, including the hospital where I practice, nearly everyone wants to weigh in about the mental health of Trump, and perhaps because I am a neuroscientist and medical reporter, I have become a repository of these opinions (though I will tell you the mind is a much more difficult thing to probe than the brain)…

A neuropsychiatric evaluation is much more thorough: up to eight hours, with many cognitive-based questions. The goal is to investigate any changes in the brain that might impact behavior. It can also help identify the early stages of dementia and make clear if a patient is able to conduct the normal activities of daily living.

And although a brain scan, such as a CT or an MRI, would not be able to diagnose a mental illness, it would probably uncover an organic problem such as a tumor, hydrocephalus or types of dementia including vascular or frontotemporal dementia, which in certain locations can greatly impact the behavior, memory and judgment of a patient…

The question I am typically trying to answer: Can the patient make an informed decision about having surgery? The question [Dr. Bandy X. Lee, a Yale psychiatrist, who briefed mostly Democratic members of Congress in early December] is hoping to answer: Can the president make informed decisions about the welfare of the population?

At no other time in US history has a group of mental health professionals been so collectively concerned about a sitting president’s dangerousness, according to Lee.

What I think Gupta is getting at is that a 10-minute test will not prove one way or the other that Comrade Stupid’s cheese has slipped off his cracker. But that’s all we’re gonna get and the press will probably drop the matter, and ultimately this will now become a Conspiracy Theory of the Left (according to the Right).

UPDATE 1: Comrade Stupid has heart disease

Impossible! Comrade Stupid has no heart.

Posted in 4th Reich, Comrade Preznint Stupid, The Russian Usurper | 15 Comments