The MPS Nicknames

We are frequently asked for a cheat-sheet of all our favorite players. So, just because we love the Scissorheads best of all, here is the list. It will probably be updated frequently.

  • Admiral Weiner – George Will
  • The Aquah Budha = Rand Paul
  • Balok = Mary Matalin, due to her Botox-induced resemblance to the rubber monster on Star Trek’s closing credits
  • Big Gulp = Senator Marco Rubio, from when he gave the Wingnuttian rebuttal to Obama’s SOTU address
  • Blam-Blam = Dick Cheney, from when he shot the old guy in the face
  • Black Walnut = Herman Cain. He gave himself this nickname, btw.
  • Blue-eyed Snidely Whiplash Wannabee = Paul Ryan
  • The Boreal Narcissus = Sarah Palin, also known as Mooselini
  • Boss Hogg = Former MS Governor Haley Barbour; married to Madame Hogg
  • Brisket® = Bristol Palin; the ® is because she registered her name as a trademark.
  • Captain Dildo = James O’Keefe, the gotcha filmmaker who famously tried to seduce (on film no less) a real reporter by bringing her to a sex-toy filled boat.
  • Chimpy McStagger = President George Dubya Bush
  • Chinless Mitch = Mitch McConnell
  • Dancin’ Dave = David Gregory, so named because famously, he got on stage and danced while Turdblossom rapped. The horror, the horror!
  • D’vorce D’Spousa – Dinesh D’Souza, another hypocritical Xristian Xrazie caught with a mistress in a hotel room.
  • Doughy Pantload = Jonah Goldberg; not mine, but by universal acclaim
  • E-Squared = Erick Erickson, who once called a sitting Supreme Court Justice a goat-fucking child molestor
  • Frothy = Rick Santorum; also sometimes called Pope Sanctimonious I
  • The Frosted Tips Twins = the bigoted Benham Brothers
  • Gilligan = Paul Ryan, allegedly what Romney’s campaign staff calls Paul Ryan behind his back.
  • Gomer = Mike Huckabee, secret squirrel frier; married to The Gomerette
  • Governor Sammiches = Chris Christi, sometime just Sammiches
  • Grandpa Walnuts = Senator John McCain
  • Hot Ham = Scott Walker
  • The Human Hindenburg = Rush Limbaugh
  • Iago = Eric Cantor
  • Junkie Limbaugh = Rush Limbaugh
  • Malkkkin = Michele Malkkkin
  • Mistress Condi = Condoleeza Rice, whom we suspect of being a secret dominatrix. Her slave is The Worm Hadley.
  • Mooselini = Sarah Palin, also sometimes The Boreal Narcissus
  • Newticles = Newt Gingrich
  • Orange Crush = John Boehner because of his peculiar color. Also known as Weepy
  • Our Lady of the Immaculate Cheesecake = Katherine Jean Lopez
  • Peggington Noonington = Peggy Noonan
  • Petunia (and Pals) = Gretchen Carlson and the Fox and Friends cast of buffoons and circus freaks
  • Pope Sanctimonious I = Rick Santorum; also sometimes called Frothy
  • Saint Ronnie = Ronald Reagan
  • Sammiches = Chris Christi, sometime Governor Sammiches
  • Squint = Joe Scarbourough
  • The Savior = Marco Rubio, as dubbed by Time Magazine
  • Schrödinger’s Candidate = Rand Paul, a man on all sides of all issues all at once.
  • SoyBlo = Meghan McCain; short for Soylent Blonde
  • The Stench = Another name for Mitt Romney, allegedly what Paul Ryan calls him behind his back (because it was said that Ryan would have to wash the stench off of himself if he ever ran for national office on his own.
  • Traitor Joe = Joe Lieberman
  • Turdblossom = Karl Rove, not mine: Chimpy McStagger nicknamed him this.
  • Tweety = Chris Matthews
  • Uncle Goldbug = Ron Paul, because of his stance on hard money
  • Uncle Sugar = Mike Huckabee, who once said that the only reason women voted for Dim-o-crats was because Uncle Sugar promised to pay for their birth control
  • Vanilla ISIS = Donald Trump, who if elected would bring us a WASP-y version of terrorism. It would be YUUGE! 2) Generalized WASP-ish would-be Xristian terrorists.
  • Weepy = John Boehner, who cries a lot; sometimes known as Weepy McDrunky because, well, he’s a notorious drunk; also sometimes known as the Orange Crush because of his peculiar color.
  • Willard, The Willard Mechanism, His Willardness = Willard Mitt Romney
  • The Worm Hadley = former national security advisor Stephan Hadley, whom we suspect was the submissive to Mistress Condi’s dominatrix.
  • Y’all Qaeda = conservatives who would rather have a theocracy than a democracy, domestic terrorists. Usually slef-professed Xristians.

4 Responses to The MPS Nicknames

  1. Pingback: Duplicitous GOP Wants Women To Work Full Time While Staying Home To Raise The Kids | vegasjessie

    • tengrain says:

      Bluhpeople –

      You can send tips to me at Tengrain AT mockpaperscissors DOT com

      Thanks – that was an interesting read.




  2. vonbeavis says:

    Zombie-eyed grannie starver. I attribute that to you for Paul Ryan.



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