The Morning Quote

Turdblossom expresses himself

…comes to us from gelatinous mass Turdblossom:

“Take, for example, waterboarding,” Rove continued. “In waterboarding — unlike World War II, where the Japanese attempted to drown people by basically pouring water in their mouths — here the feet were elevated so there’s little or not chance of any fluid getting into the lungs. And very careful standards set in place so these would help break the the resistance of the detainee without placing their life in danger.”

Got it. It wasn’t torture because the prisoner’s feet were lifted.

Windows 7 Release Party or…?

By now, everyone has seen the silly video from Microsoft about hosting a Windows 7 Party! As if spending 20 hours (this is not my estimate but what some MS-favoring pundit came up with — under best circumstances it will take 20 hours to upgrade to Windows 7) wasn’t a party enough for ya…

At anyrate, this party takes on a whole new vibe with just a simple beep everytime Windoze 7 is mentioned:


Imagine that you are at this party, it seems like it is winding down, you have not killed anyone yet, nor gnawed off a leg to escape the trap. The host turns to the crowd and seems to say good bye…

Watch their faces as the life force is drained out of them.

Shorter Richard Cohen:

“Small unmarked, non-sequential bills – $10s and $20s. Thanks Blam-Blam!”

It’s just a little fraternity hi-jinx


The Further Adventures of Peggy Noonan

Anatomy of a Column


ust before the alarm clock would start to ring at the stroke of eleven, Peggy Noonan’s hand dropped the ether canister and swatted the alarm’s off button, as if on its own. As she rolled over, Noonan discovered where she left “Mr. Pinky,” her little D-cell friend, still twitching admirably. “If I were an oyster,” she thought, “I’d have a pearl by now.”

Noonan wanted to feel something, anything. The numbness, the numbness. Ever since the torture memos were released, nothing but numbness, numbness. The ether, usually so effective, so friendly, did not bring its usual clarity. Reagan’s “City on a shining Hill,” Bush the elder’s “Thousand points of light,” all of Noonan’s greatest hits had followed a good ether binge. But today nothing, she noted as she checked her typewriter, just empty paper.

Clutching her pearls with her little bird-like claws, she shook her head as she looked about her little Manhattan aviary, as she liked to call her apartment. So chic, so spartan (the new chic – she even said so), and yet the gloom on the horizon was still there: the torture memos. “Oh, Mr. Pinky, make it go away,” she whispered to herself.

When she stood up and adjusted the Lanz of Salsbury flannel nightgown, which was somehow on backwards, she spotted the tear-stained copy of the torture memos, passages, indeed entire pages highlighted in baby doll pink by her assistant, glowing malignantly in the corner where she had thrown it the night before while making a pitcher of Mai Tai’s.

Life had been so easy the past 8 years. You believed what wanted to believe, no reality to get in the way. George Bush had kept us safe, his inarticulateness (as Noonan had once postulated) was the sign of a great thinker, fighting them over there so that they won’t be fighting us over here, the brilliance of John Bolton at the UN, all of it was true because she willed it to be true. And now, numbness, numbness. All brought about by that man, that likable man, who forces reality-based ugliness on us all.

Picking up the ether canister and the soft, organic cotton batting, Noonan poured a good dose and inhaled deeply.

“Past, President and Future” by Peggy Noonan

Weepy didn’t get the memo…


Weepy, the oddly orange-hued member of Congress (R-Crybaby) and notorious boner-maker, goofed yet again and forgot to say “harsh interrogation tactics.” This is going to earn him a stay at Blam-Blam’s Re-Education Camp and Grouse Hunting School.

They’ve decided to close the detainee base in Cuba without having any plan for what they are going to do with those terrorists who are hellbent on killing Americans, and then last week they released these memos outlining the torture techniques, and that is clearly a political decision, and ignored the advice of their director of national intelligence and their CIA director. The bigger question is, what is the administration’s overarching plan to take on the terrorist threat and to keep America safe? The world didn’t suddenly become safer in January of 2009.

Mistress Condi tried it on Hadley first.

condi-gaggingWASHINGTON (AFP) – The CIA first sought in May 2002 to use harsh interrogation techniques including waterboarding on terror suspects, and was given key early approval by then-national security adviser Condoleezza Rice, a US Senate intelligence document said.

“Next,” she did not say, “I’ll get that haughty little queen at Bergdorf’s. Wide feet my ass.”

Imagine if everything you ever believed in…

…turned out to be a lie?

I don’t normally link to HuffPo, and I certainly don’t watch Fox much, but this is stunning. It’s like watching someone wake up and questioning reality.

(Hat tip to Nicki237 via Twitter.)

The Carebear bows again!


Oh, the humilation! The Freepers must be warming up, even as we speak…

She can’t handle the truth

Former Reagan and Bush 1 speechwriter, and probable dipsomaniac, Peggy Noonan, wants the release of the torture memos to walk on by. For poor Peggy, you see, life is too harsh, the world is too ugly, pain is too intense for her Morning in America sensibilities, and so it must stop she pleads, breathlessly, let’s have some mystery… of US-sponsored torture.

Good grief, even dapper and elitist George Will makes a better argument, and clearly is not reaching for the pills, needle, or bottle to sooth life’s jagged edges. No, Kinder and Gentler Noonan (yes, she wrote that along with “The thousand points of light”), wants to believe, Scarlett O’Hara-like, that tommorow after all, is another day.

UPDATE: Sweet Jebus! There ought to be a law about writing Op-Ed pieces when tits-to-the-wind drunk. I admit, I don’t know much about this Noonan, other than she was Reagan and Bush 1’s speech writer of choice, but holy crap! Who writes stuff like this? It’s like she took smack and watched Soylent Green and thought it was a documentary.