Bristolnacht, Cont. The UnBristling #PalinBrawl

bristol-the-nun

Alaskastan’s part-time governor and full-time grifter Sarah Palin’s daughter Brisket® decides, in print, to tell her side of what happened at Bristolnacht:

First, the media said Trig was not really my mom’s kid.

Then, they claimed my mom said “I can see Russia from my house.”

Recently, they said my parents are giving a divorce.

And now, they’re saying my family started a “drunken brawl.”

Thanks for the reminders. Say, your mom promised at one point to produce Trigg’s birth certificate… oh well. SNL is not the media. Your mother was the one who hinted a divorce was coming. There is a Police report (a legal document that can be introduced as evidence in a court of law) that indicates YOU started a drunken brawl.

Our friend got knocked out from a cheap shot from behind. (His injury resulted in ten stitches, so it was really low.)

Why would anyone do this? Well, here’s a hint. The guy was on social media during this incident, tweeting, “about to get famous.”

When Willow saw all this happening she looked at the guy’s mom and said “get ahold of your son.”

But apparently the apple didn’t fall too far from the tree, because his mom pushed Willow. A grown woman pushed my little sister.

By this point, I’d already gotten into the car. But when Willow ran to me crying, telling me that some lady had pushed her down, I got out of the car to go talk to her. Any big sister would do this.

It drones on and on, play-by-play.

All of this comes a day after the audio was released from the police interview with a very drunken Bristol, so the timing is both serendipitous and perhaps damning, too. Methinks given the love that the Palins engender means that those alleged and rumored cell phone videos and audio recording are gonna come like a wave.

McCain-celebration

And once again, we need to thank Grandpa Walnuts for bringing this family of grifters and waterheads to our attention, and potentially one very old heartbeat away from the nuclear codes.

Bristolnacht, cont. #PalinBrawl

mooselini blingee

Alaska’s part-time-governor and full-time grifter Sarah Palin has taken to the might pages of her MyFace Place and acknowledged, sort of, the fight in Alaskastan:

My straight-shooter is one of the strongest young women you’ll ever meet. I have to say this as a proud mama: right up there with their work ethic and heart for those less fortunate, my kids’ defense of family makes my heart soar! As you can imagine, they and my extended family have experienced so many things (liberal media-driven) that may have crushed others without a strong foundation of faith, and I’m thankful for our friends’ prayer shield that surrounds them, allowing faith to remain their anchor. Thank you, prayer warriors! I love you!

So once again, the damn libtard media done them wrong. But what’s the media got to do with Brisket cold-clocking the host of the birthday party? Mooselini links to a post on Pathetic, er, Patheos where Brisket is a contributor. Let’s explore!

Aw… so sad.
I just read an article on Yahoo’s front page about my family.
According to some random reporter, my parents are getting divorced…
I find something new about my family every day!

So… um, as always, The Narcissus Borealis manages to make it all about herself. If I’m following Mooselini’s confused thoughts here, Brisket sucker-punched the host because she was mad at a Yahoo story implying that her folks were splitting. That makes as much sense as anything in her feverish brain, I suppose, because it proves once again that the Palins are victims.

Word Salad, Tossed Fresh

Alaska’s part-time governor and full-time grifter Sarah Palin gives us our Labor Day tossed salad to go with our grilled steaks as she gives us the history of the Labor Movement, thanks blue collar workers, tells us that Taaaaaaahd was in a union once, tells us that union thugs are the problem, and then admonishes us to not make labor day political. Oh, and then she thanks the people who are working today.

Thanks, Mooselini, for putting so much labor into your channel. It really shows.

Here’s Your Saturday Bottomless Mug of Stupid

Even Mooselini's boobs pout

Even Mooselini’s boobs pout

From Alaska’s part-time governor and full-time grifter Mooselini’s MyFace page: No Drama Obama’s Summer Casual Agenda for America (or What He Didn’t Do On My Summer Vacation)

There is absolutely nothing important going on in the world right now.

…which is why the Boreal Narcissus is so qualified to comment on it. When it comes to not important, trust her: she’s an expert! And yet, I bet she’ll find a way to whine about it!

There are no security threats, no worldwide turmoil affecting America’s interests, no civil war in Syria, South Sudan, or Libya. No war on our ally, Israel. No Ebola epidemic devastating West Africa and spreading. No race riots tearing apart a whole community in Missouri. No Russian aggression in Ukraine. No deranged North Korean dictator testing more missiles. No Chinese jets getting up close and personal with our American military. No brave American journalist sickeningly beheaded by Muslim terrorist savages rampaging through the Middle East seizing oil fields and committing genocide on Christians and Kurds. No illegal immigration crisis as thousands of unaccompanied minors illegally walk right across our unsecured borders. No scandals in Obama’s White House. No worried servicemen and women coping with ill-advised U.S. Military chainsaw cuts. And no increase in our nation’s debt. Nope. It’s been one lazy summer with nothing to do, not a thing to worry about in No Drama Obama land.

This explains why the President spent the summer on vacay in Martha’s Vineyard and is now gearing up for Vacation 2.0 this weekend with the One Percent in the Hamptons, again, and in Newport, again.

The world is falling apart, and the lazy The Kenyan Usurper isn’t there. Say, why are all the dogs barking?

It’s the usual Mooselini confusion: Obama is shoving this/that/other down our throats, and he’s lazy. He’s a jack-booted tyrant and lazy. She complains that Obama is spending his vacay (ugh) with fat cat donors and that the Dims want to gut Citizens United.

I’ll give her credit: her ghostwriter is getting her inflection down, and has mastered the petty grievances tone.

Mooselini: Time to Unpeach The Kenyan Usurper!

Mooselini salutes her fans.

Mooselini salutes her fans.

Alaska’s part-time governor and full-time grifter Sarah Palin has written an exclusive word salad for Dead Breitbart calling for the impeachment of the Kenyan Usurper (and shame on the NYTimes for letting this exclusive slip through your fingers).

Without borders, there is no nation. Obama knows this. Opening our borders to a flood of illegal immigrants is deliberate.

There’s you geography lesson for today: without borders there is no nation. But I guess when you are writing for the mouth-breathing paste-eaters, you must define terms. Continue, please, governor.

Discrediting the price paid for America’s exceptionalism over our history, he’s given false hope and taxpayer’s change to millions of foreign nationals who want to sneak into our country illegally.

Instead of sneaking into our country legally? But what the hell does that first part mean?I think she must have written that bit herself, and not her ghost writer.

Because of Obama’s purposeful dereliction of duty an untold number of illegal immigrants will kick off their shoes and come on in, competing against Americans for our jobs and limited public services.

Citizens: that lettuce doesn’t pick itself, and you too could have a career in picking strawberries in pesticide laden fields. On the plus side, isn’t it nice that they kick off their shoes before them come in? What the hell does that mean, anyway?

The federal government is trillions of dollars in debt, many cities are on the verge of insolvency, our overrun healthcare system, police forces, social services, schools, and our unsustainably generous welfare-state programs are stretched to the max.

…after years of Republican governance.

Have faith that average American workers – native-born and wonderful legal immigrants of all races, backgrounds, and political parties – do care because we’re the ones getting screwed as we’re forced to follow all our government’s rules while others are not required to do so.

Oh, come now, Mooselini. We know that we are exceptional and not average.

Many now feel like strangers in their own land. It’s the American worker who is forced to deal with Obama’s latest crisis with our hard-earned tax dollars while middle class wages decrease, sustainable jobs get more scarce, and communities become unrecognizable and bankrupted due to Obama’s flood of illegal immigration.

About those wages decreasing, not one single Republican in Congress voted to increase the minimum wage. Not one.

President Obama’s rewarding of lawlessness, including his own, is the foundational problem here. It’s not going to get better, and in fact irreparable harm can be done in this lame-duck term as he continues to make up his own laws as he goes along, and, mark my words, will next meddle in the U.S. Court System with appointments that will forever change the basic interpretation of our Constitution’s role in protecting our rights.

You know, like giving your bosses the Constitutional Right to deny you birth control.

It’s time to impeach; and on behalf of American workers and legal immigrants of all backgrounds, we should vehemently oppose any politician on the left or right who would hesitate in voting for articles of impeachment.

Mooselini speaks for the common person here, including legal immigrants. You know, like from Europe.

The many impeachable offenses of Barack Obama can no longer be ignored. If after all this he’s not impeachable, then no one is.

Unless he committed a high-crime or misdemeanor, methinks you are blowing smoke up my ass.

McCain-celebration

Once again, we must thank Grandpa Walnuts for elevating this moran to the nation’s attention…

Anyway, if you go to the Dead Guy’s site (which I will not link to), you can read the comments for more thrills. How Mooselini does inspire those dolts is a thing of wonder.

Word Salad, Tossed Fresh Daily

Please Mooselini, form a third party.

(LGF also found Alaska’s part-time governor and full-time grifter’s rant to be funny: “So it’s — it will be surprising, and yet perhaps not…”)

News Briefs

News you can use all day

(Tweetie) Steve Schmidt regrets giving Mooselini a national platform.

  • Now Fear This - The high-pitched whine that is Sen. Ted Cruz says that the GOPers who told Chris Wallace to hammer him were fearful:

    “Folks can do whatever they want to resist change, and there are a lot of people who’ve been in Washington a long time that are fearful of change, fearful of risk, they’re fearful of anything that changes the clubby way Washington does business.”

    (Livewire)

  • Remora sucks up to high-pitched whine - Former 2012 Goat Rodeo contender, Cardinal Frothy Santorum says that he would “be with Ted Cruz” (oh, gross!) if he were still in the Senate (but you aren’t Blanche, but you aren’t), because “you have to make people uncomfortable.” And that is Santorum’s political philosophy in a nutshell. (Raw Story)
  • Another Cheney, another denial - Dirty book author Lynne Cheney is now denying she told famous curmudgeon and former Wyoming Sen. Allen Simpson to “shut his mouth” about his support for Senator Mike Enzi who is being primary challenged by her daughter, the most important Deputy Assistant Secretary of State for Near Eastern Affairs in our nation’s history, maybe ever Liz Cheney. (Livewire)

Iron Maiden to Meet Iron Lady, hilarity ensues

Mooselini is on her way to make sweet, sweet, photo ops with the UK’s fossilized remains from the ’80s, Lady Thatcher, who is the last known fascist to shake Saint Ronnie’s Dick, the sacred relic of the GOP.

We assume that the Wassila Chillbilly is onto some new grift, and her mark must be senile. Someone should tell Lizzy to keep the crown jewels locked up. And the Princes, too, if Bristol is along.

Of course Pipette will try to sneak into Harvey Nic’s for free couture, and little Algorythm (the likeable Palin) will probably be lost in Heathrow’s baggage claim.

(The UK Press is already having a field day with this.)

Take the Pinheads Bowling

Who knew that there was so much money in bowling that our favorite grifter Chillbilly from Alaskastan, Mooselini, would end up giving one of her $100,000 speeches for The Bowling Proprietors’ Association of America?

Sarah Palin is a great friend to the bowling industry and we’re so proud and honored to welcome her as our keynote speaker at International Bowl Expo 2010,” said Steven Johnson, executive director of the BPAA. “Regardless of your political affiliation, Ms. Palin is a force in American politics and culture. Her presence underscores the impact and importance of bowling, one of our country’s leading national pastimes and a growing $10 billion industry.”

Which of course leads me to this song…

Skinheads, pinheads, eh, it works.

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Wagonjak)