News Briefs

News you can use all day

(Tweetie) Steve Schmidt regrets giving Mooselini a national platform.

  • Now Fear This - The high-pitched whine that is Sen. Ted Cruz says that the GOPers who told Chris Wallace to hammer him were fearful:

    “Folks can do whatever they want to resist change, and there are a lot of people who’ve been in Washington a long time that are fearful of change, fearful of risk, they’re fearful of anything that changes the clubby way Washington does business.”


  • Remora sucks up to high-pitched whine - Former 2012 Goat Rodeo contender, Cardinal Frothy Santorum says that he would “be with Ted Cruz” (oh, gross!) if he were still in the Senate (but you aren’t Blanche, but you aren’t), because “you have to make people uncomfortable.” And that is Santorum’s political philosophy in a nutshell. (Raw Story)
  • Another Cheney, another denial - Dirty book author Lynne Cheney is now denying she told famous curmudgeon and former Wyoming Sen. Allen Simpson to “shut his mouth” about his support for Senator Mike Enzi who is being primary challenged by her daughter, the most important Deputy Assistant Secretary of State for Near Eastern Affairs in our nation’s history, maybe ever Liz Cheney. (Livewire)

Iron Maiden to Meet Iron Lady, hilarity ensues

Mooselini is on her way to make sweet, sweet, photo ops with the UK’s fossilized remains from the ’80s, Lady Thatcher, who is the last known fascist to shake Saint Ronnie’s Dick, the sacred relic of the GOP.

We assume that the Wassila Chillbilly is onto some new grift, and her mark must be senile. Someone should tell Lizzy to keep the crown jewels locked up. And the Princes, too, if Bristol is along.

Of course Pipette will try to sneak into Harvey Nic’s for free couture, and little Algorythm (the likeable Palin) will probably be lost in Heathrow’s baggage claim.

(The UK Press is already having a field day with this.)

Take the Pinheads Bowling

Who knew that there was so much money in bowling that our favorite grifter Chillbilly from Alaskastan, Mooselini, would end up giving one of her $100,000 speeches for The Bowling Proprietors’ Association of America?

Sarah Palin is a great friend to the bowling industry and we’re so proud and honored to welcome her as our keynote speaker at International Bowl Expo 2010,” said Steven Johnson, executive director of the BPAA. “Regardless of your political affiliation, Ms. Palin is a force in American politics and culture. Her presence underscores the impact and importance of bowling, one of our country’s leading national pastimes and a growing $10 billion industry.”

Which of course leads me to this song…

Skinheads, pinheads, eh, it works.

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Wagonjak)

Levi Johnston’s Reality Show

The anti-Mooselini is going head-to-head with the Wasilla Chillbillies.

While I think I now know more than I ever wanted to know about all the grifters in Alaskastan, I gotta admit that I am on team Levi. He’s doing us all a public service just shadowing them and getting under their skin. Yeah, it might be self-serving, too, but I’m giving him props for keeping up a good fight.