Microsoft updates

Is it possible that all the bungling that took place in Microsoft’s entertainment and hardware division was actually sabotage? In World War II, Germany sent a secret “fifth column” behind enemy lines to disrupt defenses during its invasions. Corporations have engaged in similar activities, and a series of “mistakes” that were beneficial to Apple has me wondering who’s really been calling the shots in Redmond.

— World’s Worst Tech Pundit, the always wrong Rob Enderle

Google is phasing out the internal use of Microsoft’s ubiquitous Windows operating system because of security concerns, according to several Google employees.

— Financial Times of London

Rob Enderle does not fully disclose that he is a paid consultant to Microsoft and has been for years. Still, it’s pretty funny to see Apple conspiracy theories. Who knew that Apple studied German strategy, and if so, why not have The Desert Fox engage the Panzers in North Africa… Hogan!

In his own words…

I’ve never used an ATM, so I don’t know what the fees are. It’s true, I don’t know how to use one. But I could learn how to do it just like I’ve . . . I swipe to get my own gas, buy groceries. I know about the holograms.

–Senator Ben Nelson

Those comments came in response to a question about ATM fees. Sen. Tom Harkin (D-IA) has been pushing for a vote on a proposal to cap the fees ATMs charge customers of other banks.

Maybe he should just stick to taking bribes from health insurers. What a moroon.


Doughy Pantload discovers time travel!

Rotund water-head and noted sci-fi fanatic of the right, Doughy Pantload, is excited to report that time travel is possible! He read something from Stephen Hawking, and thus it is proven:

Stephen Hawking says time travel — forward only, alas — is possible.

No d’uh Sherlock. A full minute has passed since I read your idiotic post.

(Fair Warning! The link takes you to the Blog at Poo Corner, the most intellectually dishonest rest station on the Information Super Hiway.)

Bill Kristol weighs in (you’re screwed AZ brown people)

KRISTOL: I doubt that it violates the Constitution, if it does, it’s a matter of federal preemption against state law. I don’t think it violates anyone’s civil rights. … I have actually read this bill it is not draconian. It is not going to lead to major civil rights violations. Will a few people get stopped perhaps because some policeman has reasonable suspicion that a person is illegal? Will he be stopped perhaps on the street and asked to provide his driver’s license? Yes. That is the huge horrible civil rights violation that’s going to occur 5 times or 8 times or 13 times in Arizona.

Because when noted legal scholar and Nostradamus-like Bill Kristol says something will not happen, what could go wrong?


Charles Krauthammer Day!

Today is the day we celebrate the Nostradamus of the ossified brain stems everywhere, Charles “Chuckles” Krauthammer, who, for some reason, all the pinheads of the right think has the gift of second sight. Seven years ago today he said:

Hans Blix had five months to find weapons. He found nothing. We’ve had five weeks. Come back to me in five months. If we haven’t found any, we will have a credibility problem.

So, Chuckles, will they find ’em today?

(Crooked Timber via Rising Hegemon)

Thomas Friedman is flat, hot, and stupid

The Old Pornstache quiffs out yet another column in which he celebrates people who are already wealthy becoming wealthier by creating startups where they don’t hire anyone, and declares that it is what we need more of.

Here’s the short version: EndoStim was inspired by Cuban and Indian immigrants to America and funded by St. Louis venture capitalists. Its prototype is being manufactured in Uruguay, with the help of Israeli engineers and constant feedback from doctors in India and Chile. Oh, and the C.E.O. is a South African, who was educated at the Sorbonne, but lives in Missouri and California, and his head office is basically a BlackBerry. While rescuing General Motors will save some old jobs, only by spawning thousands of EndoStims — thousands — will we generate the kind of good new jobs to keep raising our standard of living.

Sounds reasonable until you read further: the Cuban and Indian immigrants are wealthy doctors and CEOs. The CEO is also the CEO of Trek bicycles, and he is already successful. So from what I can see, his favorite startup, EndoStim, does not hire a single American, and the handful of Americans that will profit from it — though they are immigrants — are already successful in their own careers.

So the magic formula that Friedman says is what we need to get Americans back to work is for fantastically wealthy Americans to make even more money by creating products that will no doubt be sold here (and thanks to the Health Care Reform Bill will likely be very successful), but hire and pay not a soul here in the States.

In his own words…

[Obama]’s even less likely to use nukes than the president in Independence Day, and that Bill Pullman character first needed to mind-meld with one of the aliens to be extra-super-sure that they were evil conquerors. The fact that most of America’s — and the world’s leading cities — had been obliterated wasn’t enough. After all, it could have been a misunderstanding.

— Doughy Pantload

(And yes, he really wrote that, and no, you are not missing any context. Hat tip: Attaturk.)

Suck. On. This. Thomas. Friedman.

If the Democrats now lose seats in the midterm elections, we’re headed for even worse gridlock, even though we still have so much more nation-building for America to do — from education to energy to environment to innovation to tax policy. That is why I want my own Tea Party. I want a Tea Party of the radical center.

What a stooge. The Porn’stache doesn’t see his role in any of this. He is the Mr. Magoo of pundits, just rolling along blindly wreaking havoc in his wake. The world isn’t flat, Friedman, but your head is.

Thomas Friedman is a cheerleader of everything that radicalized and immunized the right from the consequences of their actions. He has cheered ever factory closing, and every initiative that has made life more miserable for the middle class. Tax cuts for the rich – you bet (as he is married to the billionaire shopping mall heiress, I guess he benefits from that) — because in his world that money then becomes capital that will spur more money-making. Just not here.

The poor do not exist in his world, except to be exploited in third world factories as they compete in The Race To The Bottom. India is looking over its shoulder as China is now the preferred destination of multinational corporations; you can hire contracting agencies that use slave and prison labor there. Take that, little Sanjay — unless you are willing to work for free, that is.

The Porn’stache has been consistently and demonstrably wrong on everything. His words have given justification and comfort to the powerful in their quest to grab everything away from the rest of us, and now he says he wants a center movement? What, prithee tell, is the Center to the Porn’stache? He gives us a word-salad, a jumble of buzzwords culled from columns past:

The radical center is “radical” in its desire for a radical departure from politics as usual. It advocates: raising taxes to close our budgetary shortfalls, but doing so with a spirit of equity and social justice; guaranteeing that every American is covered by health insurance, but with market reforms to really bring down costs; legally expanding immigration to attract more job-creators to America’s shores; increasing corporate tax credits for research and lowering corporate taxes if companies will move more manufacturing jobs back onshore; investing more in our public schools, while insisting on rising national education standards and greater accountability for teachers, principals and parents; massively investing in clean energy, including nuclear, while allowing more offshore drilling in the transition. You get the idea.

Yes, we get the idea – give the little people a crumb, but give corporations tax breaks to move jobs back here. And let Big Oil have their way, and while we’re at it, let’s get Big Nukes a rim-job, too.

No, what you do is you tax the Bejeebus out of Off Shore Companies until they do move back here. Tax breaks when the effective tax rate is zero (or less) is no incentive for off-shore companies to do anything. And while you are at it, you re-negotiate NAFTA and all the other -Tas. You want to do something about illegal immigration – then fix NAFTA. You will cut illegal immigration and as a bonus, the drug wars will recede, too.

Anyway, nice try ‘Stache. You are such an out-of-the-box thinker.

Ross Douthat writes another children’s fable.

The ol’ Neckbeard lubed up and banged out another one. Er, column that is. And it is a douzie.

You see, he doesn’t like the new Matt Damon flick, The Greenzone, because it does not cover the shades of gray of how we got into the Iraq War. “But the film itself, a slam-bang account of the hunt for weapons of mass destruction, has the same problem as nearly every other Hollywood gloss on recent political events: it refuses to stare real tragedy in the face, preferring the comforts of a “Bush lied, people died” reductionism.”

The narrative of the Iraq invasion, properly told, resembles a story out of Shakespeare. You had a nation reeling from a terrorist attack and hungry for a response that would be righteous, bold and comprehensive. You had an inexperienced president trying to tackle a problem that his predecessors (one of them his own father) had left to fester since the first gulf war. You had a cause — the removal of a brutal dictator, and the spread of democracy to the Arab world — that inspired a swath of the liberal intelligentsia to play George Orwell and embrace the case for war. You had a casus belli — those weapons of mass destruction — that even many of the invasion’s opponents believed to be a real danger to world peace. And you had Saddam Hussein himself, the dictator in his labyrinth, apparently convinced that pretending to have W.M.D. was the best way to keep his grip on power.

And in one paragraph Ross, you prove that the reductionism of Bush Lied, People Died is absolutely correct. Shakespeare would tell the truth, Ross. He always did. You might want to read some. Might I suggest King Lear?

Sally Quinn Explains It All For Us


Twitter is a gold mine, a true gold mine of snark, and Sally Quinn is the motherload.


Still plumbing the depths of being shallow! Apply for the job, Sally, you know you want to!