News That Will Drive You To Drink

Free-range Conspiracy Theorist Glenn Beck

Free-range Conspiracy Theorist Glenn Beck

Free-range conspiracy theorist Glenn Beck takes on the issue of the day: HRClinton’s Twitter followers:

“She can’t even be honest about the fans on her social media sites. A study was done of her Facebook page. Again, we had to go across the ocean. We had to go to I think it was The Guardian in England to get anybody in the media to do a job. They found something odd about her followers. Seven percent of her followers were from Baghdad. That’s not really comforting or real. And on Twitter, it was revealed that 15%, about 544,000 of her Twitter followers, are bogus accounts.

If her team is willing to lie about Facebook and Twitter fans and make people up just out of whole cloth, what else are they willing to lie about?

Interesting premise, but let’s do a little investigation of our own. First off all, it wasn’t the (usually excellent) Guardian, it was the (always wretched) The Daily Fail, er, Mail that worked out that HRC has some bogus followers.

Let’s dive into the Fail:, the oldest publicly available Twitter-auditing tool, reports that 44 per cent of the former secretary of state’s followers are ‘good’; 15 per cent are ‘fake’; and 41 per cent are ‘inactive,’ meaning that they never tweet or reply to any tweets.

…Another tool,, sampled 320,000 of Mrs. Clinton’s followers and found that 18 per cent were fake.

Chilling, no? But just for shits and giggles, let’s see what happens when we run Glenn Beck through the same analytic services!

Glenn Beck Faker Status April 16, 2015

Glenn Beck Faker Status April 16, 2015

Twitter Audit Glenn Beck

Jeebus, Beck, you are slipping. That was too E-Z.

UPDATED: just checked my own scores, and I’m pleased as punch to report…
Screen Shot 2015-04-16 at 8.06.23 PM


Screen Shot 2015-04-16 at 8.07.39 PM

I beat Beck like a rented mule’s red-headed stepson.

Some Fries With Your Stupid?

Just a spoon full of roofies...

Just a spoon full of roofies…

Did you know that free-range conspiracy theorist Glenn Beck was also part of the achingly glamourous world du fashion? (Altogether now, ME NEITHER!)

Well ladies, rejoice, as Glenn manages to market his clothes to you in the most, well, Beckian way:

1791 [Beck’s clothing line] is proud to announce our new line of women’s Denim. We begin with denim jacket and jeans.

They were designed for and tested on all the girls in my life. It has taken us almost two years to get the design just right.

Yes, he tested them on all the girls in his life.

I am proud that finally I can rest knowing any dad who feels the way I do about the most beautiful girl ever born, my daughter, will be able to feel that way when she slips into her favorite jeans, blouse and jacket.

That’s starting get a little creepy, imagining you daughter dressing in the morning, let alone that she is the most beautiful girl ever born.

My wife who is a little more like the current runway models and my daughter who is more classic both can wear and love their new 1791s.

So Glenn, why not just hold up a scorecard to let the little lady know what you think?

I kind of think it is one of those fundamental God given rights. To feel pretty.

Because you are.

Sweet Jeebus, I want to take a shower after that.

As we grow so will our selection and sizes because it is time we celebrate real diversity. After all, God made us different colors, shapes and sizes.

Stop it. Just stop it.

Please check out the beginning of our new line of women’s clothing at and see what the power of a dads love for his daughter can build.

I’m calling child protective services, and I hope they remember to look in the basement. What are the sheep saying Clarice?

Your Three Martini Stupid Is Served, Glenn Beck

Protesting against Indiana’s We Dont Serve Your Kind law logically concludes at concentration camps, or at least so says free-range conspiracy theorist Glenn Beck:

Glenn Beck: Preznint Maker!

Free-range Conspiracy Theorist Glenn Beck

Free-range Conspiracy Theorist Glenn Beck

Free-range conspiracy theorist and noted prepper-grifter Glenn Beck holds the keys to victory for Senator Ted Cruzthe man with Joe McCarthy’s good looks and Richard Nixon’s sweat glands—at least according to Beck:

“I had a great conversation with Ted Cruz on Friday night, and it was just a personal call, just a chat for just a few minutes, and we talked about the importance of prayer. And in this conversation he told me that he had spent about two hours with his children and his wife in prayer, making the final decision this week. And I have to tell you, that means the world to me,” Glenn said.

Ooooookay. And then, you know, to seal the deal as it were, Cruz talked to him again, immediately after the announcement!

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Free-range conspiracy theorist Glenn Beck tells us that if Net Neutrality is preserved that Apple and Microsoft will move out of the country. I suppose now we must add computer punditry to his MPS Honorific.

The 3-Martini Stupid

Infectious Disease Expert and free-range conspiracy theorist Glenn Beck is only asking the difficult questions.

Some Fries With Your Stupid?

“Listen to me carefully, America. Listen to me. This may actually save your life someday. I want you to remember this: whatever the government says to do, don’t!”

–Free-range conspiracy theorist Glenn Beck offering advice on Ebola-driven panic.

Want Some Fries With Your Stupid?

I still fill sorry for Glenn Beck’s employees that they have to listen to him, even if he does know how to fix the V.A. in an hour.

Here’s Your Eggs With a Side of Stupid

Free-range conspiracy theorist Glenn Beck promotes a charter school that uses happy-slaves Civil War fabulism as a text book:

It’s a longish clip but Beck is at the peak of his midseason form.

Here’s Your Eggs With a Side of Stupid

horny beck surreal

“[Children at the border] fleeing revolution. Imagine yourself, in 10 years, waiting at the Canadian border.”

–Free-range conspiracy theorist Glenn Beck trying to drum up some empathy from Wingnuttia, and fomenting revolution at the same time.