Admiral Weener gives a burial at sea…


…to his old friend and colleague, David Broder.

And he’s still fresh as a daisy

Death of the Media

Stolen with Pride from my blogfather, Morse

David Broder turns 81 on 9-11.

Splitting the difference with the Manson Family of political parties is not a good idea, David Broder!

Get off my lawn.jpg

Someone needs to explain to me why I read David Broder.

[It’s because you are an idiot. — Ed.]

Today, David Broder (sometimes thought of as David Brooks 1.0), puts on his trembling reasonable voice and decides to retract some of the points he made earlier in the week about why the Senate is running on empty.

Broder spent time with Mitch McConnel. They had breakfast, to be exact. He never says if it was served in bed, but I have my suspicions.

Anyway, all it took for Broder to change the ribbon in his state-of-the-art Underwood was for McConnel to tell him that the Senate is “operating very much as the Founders intended… The Senate, he said, “takes a bit of getting used to.” But if they stick it out, these newcomers will learn to love the old rules, he said, and abandon their foolish impulse to change them.”

Really, Chinless Mitch said that, that they will love the old rules, for instance, the rules that let the Senate capriciously hold up unemployment benefits because the millionaires in the Senate know that the unemployed deserve what they get, lazy bastards, and were not born into the right families.

Broder, once he hears magic words like, “love the old…” disingenuously goes full-tilt David-Brooks looney and leaps into the both sides are equally wrong, and we need to get to the middle argument:

Much as I differed with McConnell’s defense of the status-quo Senate, I have to agree with several of the other points he made at the breakfast. He is right when he says that the Senate tends to be at its best when the party ratios are relatively close — say 55 to 45 — rather than as lopsided as they have been during Obama’s first two years.

A more-even split encourages dealing between the parties in the center of the political spectrum, and it may very well return if Republicans make the gains now widely forecast for November.

David, David, David.

We’ve gone over this before.

The Right Wing does not debate, they hold innocent people hostage. They are ideological terrorists. Their clubby little boys-only treehouse and water-boarding fun-factory, the Senate, is full of morons (or morans if you prefer), who are certifiably insane, or completely evil.

You choose.

The GOP’s army of mouth-breathing, ditto-head zombies has been fed a diet of rabid lies and poisoned ideas, hatched like maggots in some fetid sausage factory of a think tank for the last 30 years, basted in juices too unimaginably vile and toxic for words. Ideas like:

  • deficits from tax cuts don’t matter
  • war is always good for the economy
  • corporations deserve more rights than physical people

In the dark of night, waiving their NRA membership cards and copies of the Bill of Rights that only have the 2nd, and 10th Amendments, the pasty white undead vote into office racist imbeciles to represent their perverted form of bat-shit crazy, Glenn Beck-approved patriotism — and immediately that imbecile sells his (it is almost always a he) support to the highest corporate bidder.

The patronizing, armpit-sniffing, GOP grifters, with the proven ability to bleat out the Ur-text of the long-dead Saint Ronnie by rote memory (the veritable sacred text of the Right is: Tax cut=good or Government=bad and Left=Socialism) having been thrust into public office, distinguish themselves by sometimes standing on their hind legs and not eating boogers in public too much of the time, and only occasionally demanding diaper play from Louisianan hookers, or toe-tapping, closeted, self-loathing sexytime fun in airport restroom stalls.

Each time the GOP gets their hands on the levers of power, bad shit happens. People suffer real consequences, thousands become homeless, hundreds of thousands die in wars, plagues like AIDS spread unchecked across the globe. And the Rich profit from the misery of others.

So you see, David, giving these unprincipled imbecilic racist thugs more power and then saying that it is good because then everyone has to split the difference is giving credence to a cult of drooling fuckknuckles who merrily want to destroy the country and shove everyone (except for their corporate paymasters) into a life of fiscal and physical misery.

But then again, it’s not like you have to hang around this place after the descent into madness, now is it?

Mitch McConnel comes to the Senate’s defense – by David Broder

Shorter David Broder:

“Why can’t the kooky racist Teabaggers be more like the gentler, kinder racist Reagan Revolutionaries?”

(Someone tell me why I read this stuff? ‘Cause I’m an idiot, right?)

The Squishy Middle

Once again David Broder tries to take the squishy middle road of reasonable politics, and once again he ends up praising the GOP and declaring the Dims all but dead. He is the Rob Enderle of polical commentators.

Newsweek up for sale!

Death of the Media

The Washington Post has announced that they are selling Newsweek because, well, its been bleeding money for years, and if they want to keep their frisky line up of youthful opinion writers (Richard “The Worst Writer in the World TM” Cohen, David “Get off my Lawn” Broder, George “Admiral Weiner” Will, and The Dick Whisperer) up to their necks in Cuban cigars and chorus girls, something’s gotta give.

Anyway, the current editor, Jon Meacham said that he will be lining up financiers and trying to make a bid to buy the magazine himself. Because, you know, he’s done such a great job steering the sinking ship so far, why not?

Shorter David Broder:

When I was a young reporter in the 1960s, this city was full of people who did their jobs not only with skill and energy but also with unquestioned integrity. We didn’t think much about it then, so commonplace was it, but when three of those people died almost simultaneously last month, I remembered how vital their example was.

A self-serving eulogy, how nice!

Introducing The Broder-o-Matic!

The crackerjack research team at Mock, Paper, Scissors has done it again!

After literally moments of research, we have cracked David Broder’s secret algorithm to writing the patented David Broder Column! Using this handy cut-out-and-keep flow chart, you too can write a David Broder Column without even trying — Just like David Broder!

The Death of the Media, cont.


And the papers wonder why the readers are leaving in droves?

Politico reports that after offering access to the paper’s own editorial and reporting staff, for a nominal fee of upwards of $250,000 — you know, to shape the debate on healthcare — that the WaPo is now backing away from the offer. It seems it was too much of a conflict of interest, even for the Washington Post, so it will continue it’s Bataan Death March to irrelevance and obscurity.

Washington Post publisher Katharine Weymouth said today she was cancelling plans for an exclusive “salon” at her home where for as much as $250,000, the Post offered lobbyists and association executives off-the-record access to “those powerful few” — Obama administration officials, members of Congress, and even the paper’s own reporters and editors.

Expect those spring chickens of journalism, David Broder, George Will, and Robert Cohen to soon write epic columns about how no one should trust bloggers over real newsmen. Especially bloggers at Politico.