One Lump of Stupid or Two?

O'Donnell surreal

Masturbation authority and renowned practitioner of the black arts Christine O’Donnell is not a witch. She is a stupid witch:

The complaint, filed Monday, accuses the unsuccessful Republican Senate candidate from Delaware of using at least $20,000 in campaign donations for rent and utility payments at a townhouse where she lived and worked during her 2010 campaign. Also named in the civil complaint are her campaign committee and Matt Moran, a campaign treasurer.

So what is her defense against such scurrilous charges? Facebook.

Besides denying the allegations, O’Donnell said she plans to try to use her name recognition and Tea Party ties to raise money for a legal defense fund and to hire investigators to look into the operations of the FEC and other federal agencies.

“It doesn’t matter if you’re liberal, conservative, Republican or Democrat, or even a member of the media—abuse of government power affects us all,” O’Donnell wrote in a Facebook post. “It’s time to fight back, and that is what I am doing.”

OK, so why does this news make her a stupid witch, you ask?

She said she has rejected FEC offers to settle the matter with no penalties because it would mean that she would have to admit being guilty of something she didn’t do.


Um, Chrissie, there are two “ells” in your name…


It’s Witchcraft!

“I’ve got Sean Hannity in my back pocket, and I can go on his show and raise money by attacking you guys.”

–Christine NO’Donnell to GOP insiders, allegedly

She done shrunk him to pocket-sized!


The Lyin’, the Witch, and the RNC Wardrobe

Mooselini is going to campaign for No’Donnell in Delaware:

Palin told Fox News’ Sean Hannity that she would “absolutely” go to Delaware on O’Donnell’s behalf.

“You’re going to go campaign for her, I recently heard,” Hannity said in the interview.

“Yeah, absolutely,” Palin replied. “I’m honored to, I’m excited about it.”

This ought to be stellar, two pathelogical liars/grifters on stage at the same time, competing for attention.

She comes by it honestly…

No’Donnell’s father was only a part time Bozo the Clown:

“Who told you I was Bozo?” he wanted to know.

“Your son,” I said, at which point he confirmed that yes, he was Bozo, but not an official, full-time certified Bozo, more of a part-time Bozo.

Just like his daughter. The rubber nose falls not far from the tree. Or something.


“…and rub my tummy at the same time?!”

Washington Post

Inflated Resumés, cont.

Whoopsie! It seems No’Donnell did not attend Claremont Graduate University, either. That said she did receive a fellowship from a conservative think tank named the Claremont Institute, also in Claremont, CA. This was for her ground-breaking work in the war on masturbation.

Maybe for my next resumé update, I can list all the prestigious schools I never attended, too, to fight the scourge of Onanism! Thanks for the tip, Christine!


Inflated Resumés

America’s Virgin Teabagging Princess, the scourge of Onanists everywhere, and honorary Samantha Stevens, Christine O’Donnell is a learned woman. She has proudly posted her c.v. online (that’s how Brits spell resumé), and we use this peculiar bit of British terminology because No’Donnell is a proud alumnus of Oxford University, where she claims to have taken a class.

As Greg Sargent shows us, Chrissy claims the following as her education bonifides…

Christine O’Donnell’s Education

Fairleigh Dickinson University 1989 — 1993

Claremont Graduate University

Constitutional Government

University of Oxford

“Post Modernism in the New Millennium”

…except for one thing, the University of Oxford didn’t run the program, didn’t teach it, didn’t grade it, didn’t anything-it. They rented some space to mail-order for-profit diploma factory, Phoenix Institute. Maybe she though no one would notice?

So… did No’Donnell go to Oxford or not?

As Big Dawg once said, it depends upon what the definition of is, is.

“I do NOT…”


“…flick the bean constantly.”

The Monkeys called…

…they said we are reponsible for Christine No’Donnell, not them.