Jeebus. You cannot make up stuff like this.
I don’t watch the teevee machine, and so I have missed out on the bump and grind that America’s Favorite Abstinence Educator and Unwed Teenage Mother, Bristol Palin does every week to sell cornflakes and whatnot for her corporate sponsor. That said, we have important news from the ever vigilant Patriots who do watch Dancing with the Stars:
It seems that when Mooselini made her appearance on Jitterbugger Today, she was pretty solidly boo’ed by the crowd. Later, her flacks and spinners said that the booing was for Jennifer Grey’s score (which seems odd, because I’m told she won the Lambada-for-God Dance-A-Thong, so why were they booing). Anyway, Mooselini does her usual word salad thing and cannot say that she’s rooting for her own spawn. And as always, she brought along her own Liz Cheney in training, Pipette, to be her human shield.
As we always note here at MPS, Pipette is the one to watch out for – she’s going to be the one to follow in her mother’s Naughty Monkeys, or to snap and wipe out a row of onlookers, Todd-like.
Mooselini’s daughter, the notorious abstinence educator and single mother, and proprietress of her own consulting company, will be on Dancing with the Stars!
We’re hoping that the Bugman will return to the program. It would be a dream come true to have the Moose Savant dance with the Exterminator.
Remember a couple of days ago, MPS showed you the trailer for Bristol Palin’s acting debut? Me neither!
But anyway, GawkerTV has the full-Monty.
Fair warning! It’s bad. It’s amazingly bad. Bristol is as good an actress as she is an abstinence educator.
…Noted Abstinence Educator, Image Consultant, and Levi Johnston’s Splash Towel, Bristol Palin!
(The Hollywood Reporter via Gawker)
Infamous Unwed Mother and Noted Abstinence Educator, former splash towel of The Mighty Hockey-stick Wielding Levi Johnston and daughter of Mooselini, Bristol Palin is now going to try to earn an honest living with her mouth. Presumably Bristol will be taking off them low heels and putting on them ho heels and not wearing the designer clothing that the GOP bought for her, but who knows what the Wasilla Chillbillies really did with the loot?
Bristol Palin has signed with a speakers bureau for a tidy sum of between $15,000 and $30,000 per speech, RadarOnline reports.
I was going to say something unbecoming of a gentleman, but I’ll let you guys have at it in the comments instead.
Mooselini claims that she did not know that Levi and Bristol were having sex.