Brisket® Palin: Always a Bride’s Maid

bristol-the-naughty-nun…Never a bride: Bristol Palin Is No Longer Engaged

The long-and-short of it seems to be that her betrothed, Dakota Meyer, might still be married or something, though Brisket® denies that the rumors are true:

“Regarding salacious headlines in recent days about “secret wives”, Dakota and I discussed our past relationships prior to our engagement. Dakota was legally divorced years ago, as any good reporter could and should have disclosed to readers. As usual, false stories and dramatically written headlines begging controversy should be disregarded, and we have faith that our privacy will be respected at this time by those with decency. Thank you! – Bristol”

So Brisket called off the wedding because… whimsey?

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Moeman)

His Luck Was Bound To Wear Out

Bristol Palin announces engagement to Medal of Honor winner on Facebook

(And I didn’t know one could be awarded a Medal of Honor on Facebook.)

Yup: Brisket® is getting herself hitched to this guy:

He fits right in with Mooselini’s family.

Fashion Week: Brisket® Palin Approved Prom Gowns

Our sometimes pal, brawlin’ Brisket® Palin , the most famous unwed teenage mom of our time, is giving a shout-out to fellow Dancing with the Stars, um, hoofer, Sadie Robertson for her choice of prom gowns! You see, they are modest and daddy-approved. Not baby-daddy approved:

You guys know I loved what Sadie Robertson did on Dancing with the Stars last season. She was true to her values and her faith the whole season, especially in these two dances. She also got attention for choosing modest and age appropriate costumes, that were still adorable and beautiful!

I guess she had some practice in working with wardrobe, since last year she partnered with Sherri Hill to bring out the “Sadie Robertson Live Original” line of prom dresses at the NY Fashion Week. Well, the news just hit… she’s doing more “daddy-approved” dresses this year!

I guess Sadie had nothing in Gorilla for Brisket that one could wear to a good beating, but maybe next year?

Bristolnacht, Cont. #PalinBrawl

<Premiere Of "Dancing With The Stars" Season 11 - Arrivals

The Smoking Gun has the police report. Heh.

The reports list Bristol Palin, 23, as a suspect, her brother Track, 26, as a victim, and Sarah Palin and her husband Todd as witnesses. A third Palin child, 20-year-old Willow, is identified as a “person interviewed.”

According to cops, Bristol appeared “heavily intoxicated” during questioning, and claimed that she had confronted a woman who had pushed her sister. Bristol claimed that the party’s host was “calling her a cunt and slut” and that she was pushed to the ground and pulled “around on the grass by her feet.”

…and it get’s better.

And just a housekeeping note: I’m on a train heading into Oregon, so posting will be lite today).

Bristolnacht, cont. #PalinBrawl

mooselini blingee

Alaska’s part-time-governor and full-time grifter Sarah Palin has taken to the might pages of her MyFace Place and acknowledged, sort of, the fight in Alaskastan:

My straight-shooter is one of the strongest young women you’ll ever meet. I have to say this as a proud mama: right up there with their work ethic and heart for those less fortunate, my kids’ defense of family makes my heart soar! As you can imagine, they and my extended family have experienced so many things (liberal media-driven) that may have crushed others without a strong foundation of faith, and I’m thankful for our friends’ prayer shield that surrounds them, allowing faith to remain their anchor. Thank you, prayer warriors! I love you!

So once again, the damn libtard media done them wrong. But what’s the media got to do with Brisket cold-clocking the host of the birthday party? Mooselini links to a post on Pathetic, er, Patheos where Brisket is a contributor. Let’s explore!

Aw… so sad.
I just read an article on Yahoo’s front page about my family.
According to some random reporter, my parents are getting divorced…
I find something new about my family every day!

So… um, as always, The Narcissus Borealis manages to make it all about herself. If I’m following Mooselini’s confused thoughts here, Brisket sucker-punched the host because she was mad at a Yahoo story implying that her folks were splitting. That makes as much sense as anything in her feverish brain, I suppose, because it proves once again that the Palins are victims.

Brisket Palin acknowledges evolution

Jeebus. You cannot make up stuff like this.

Brisket’s on DWTS competition… Dad?

Is there anyone she hasn’t hoisted a thigh over?

In the on-going war of the Palins’ to demean all of their kids to keep ’em in their place as human shields, Mooselini reveals that Dancing with the Stars wanted Todd long before they wanted Brisket.

(Zapit via Wonkette)

Mooselini: Winning Hearts and Minds

I don’t watch the teevee machine, and so I have missed out on the bump and grind that America’s Favorite Abstinence Educator and Unwed Teenage Mother, Bristol Palin does every week to sell cornflakes and whatnot for her corporate sponsor. That said, we have important news from the ever vigilant Patriots who do watch Dancing with the Stars:

It seems that when Mooselini made her appearance on Jitterbugger Today, she was pretty solidly boo’ed by the crowd. Later, her flacks and spinners said that the booing was for Jennifer Grey’s score (which seems odd, because I’m told she won the Lambada-for-God Dance-A-Thong, so why were they booing). Anyway, Mooselini does her usual word salad thing and cannot say that she’s rooting for her own spawn. And as always, she brought along her own Liz Cheney in training, Pipette, to be her human shield.

As we always note here at MPS, Pipette is the one to watch out for – she’s going to be the one to follow in her mother’s Naughty Monkeys, or to snap and wipe out a row of onlookers, Todd-like.

please, Please, PLEASE!

Mooselini’s daughter, the notorious abstinence educator and single mother, and proprietress of her own consulting company, will be on Dancing with the Stars!

We’re hoping that the Bugman will return to the program. It would be a dream come true to have the Moose Savant dance with the Exterminator.

The horror, the horror (Updated)

Courtesy of Scissorhead Keithnotkeith

Remember a couple of days ago, MPS showed you the trailer for Bristol Palin’s acting debut? Me neither!

But anyway, GawkerTV has the full-Monty.

Fair warning! It’s bad. It’s amazingly bad. Bristol is as good an actress as she is an abstinence educator.