Rev. Fishsticks says that there is nothing more important than fighting teh gay menace.
Propaganda! - The man who thinks more about hot, sweaty man-on-man sex with thighs like pistons that can pump all night Matt Barber has noticed that the polls show support for Marriage Equality, and he knows that this can mean only one thing:
“The media and the entertainment industries are changing public opinion rather than reflecting public opinion, as you would expect and hope that they would.”
Because it is impossible to think that Americans might decide for themselves to be fair and equitable? Unpossible, Barber’s been trying to persuade Americans for years to hate everyone! (One News Now)
Somewhere, Ken Cuccinelli is weeping - All 100 members of the Virginia House of Delegates voted to repeal the bans on oral/anal sex. The bill now goes to Democratic Governor Terry McAuliffe, who is expected sign it into law, and Virginia Debutantes are expected to, well, smile gracefully. (Bilerico Project)
Get Off The Cross, We Need The Wood (part infinity) - As regular readers of the Happy Hour News Briefs know, there is no greater oppression and persecution in the entire world (known and unknown) than that which the Xristian Xrazies must grimly endure. So, to prove how oppressed they are, the Xristian Xrazies decided to do what any sane person would do: they faked being arrested for being Xristians.
Pastors in Ohio called the local cops and requested to be taken into custody in front of their congregations, using on-duty, taxpayer funded police officers, taken away in police cars, etc. You don’t need a doctorate in Political Science (or theater, or even interpretive dance) to see who the bad guys are in this passion play:
Videos of the mock arrests posted online brought a wave of criticism for the Summit County Sheriff’s office from people who thought the deputies really were interrupting church services to make arrests.
Sheriff Steve Barry says his deputies took part in the mock arrests Sunday at a couple churches around Akron after the pastors approached his office and asked it to participate.
The churches staged the arrests as part of their “Defending the Faith” sermons. Videos showed deputies handcuffing pastors while they preached and placing them in patrol cars.
And if that doesn’t prove to you that Xristian Xrazies are the most oppressed and persecuted people in the known world… um, wait.
In which Paul Ryan explains that free school lunches means poor parents don’t care about their kids:
[Eloise Anderson, Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker's (R) Department of Children and Families secretary] once met a young boy from a very poor family, and every day at school, he would get a free lunch from a government program.”
“He told Eloise he didn’t want a free lunch. He wanted his own lunch, one in a brown-paper bag just like the other kids. He wanted one, he said, because he knew a kid with a brown-paper bag had someone who cared for him. This is what the left does not understand. People don’t just want a life of comfort … they want a life of self-determination…”
…and that’s why we must cut up the social safety net. You really cannot make this shit up. Zombie-eyed Granny-and-kiddie-starver Paul Ryan.
This is almost like the drug-induced Coleridge poems with pleasure palaces and whatnot:
McConnell comes armed to CPAC
By CNN’s Alan Silverleib
Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell – under fire from both the left and the right this year – showed up at CPAC this morning brandishing a rifle.
With Bon Jovi’s 1986 hit “Livin’ on a Prayer” booming in the background, the Kentucky Republican strode onto the stage holding the the firearm above his head. [ TG: I need a picture of this. The mental image is just cracking me up. ] He handed the weapon over to Oklahoma Sen. Tom Coburn at the podium, saying,” This is for you, for your distinguished service over the years.”
McConnell was giving Coburn the NRA’s “Courage Under Fire” lifetime achievement award.
“Liberals hate it, just hate it when Tom Coburn steps onto the Senate floor,” McConnell told the crowd. “He’s one of the smartest, most decent men I’ve ever served with.”
Well, that speaks poorly of the people that amply be-chinned Mitch has ever served with.
As you may recall, Coburn was one of the residents of the Xristian Xrazy Frat House on C-Street who worked dilligently to help infamous momma’s boy, big-haired, Jeebus-loving adulterer and all around GOP sex-lizard, the sheep with a secret sorrow, Senator John Ensign cover-up and pay-off his mistress.
Coburn is a the kind of fraud that Elmer Gantry could only dream of becoming.
Here’s the take-away: Ruddy sees an opening in the cable news market for a conservative audience that feels Fox has turned too far to the right. Well, he could look to CNN to see how well it is doing (if this is one of their months to swing rightward).
“Our goal is to be a little more boomer-oriented [TG: yeah, the Boomers never have a voice in anything], more information-based rather than being vituperative and polarizing,” he says. Ruddy says he can make NewsmaxTV profitable entirely through advertising and selling Newsmax’s consumer products over the air. It’s the same business model that’s been sucessful [sic] for QVC, Home Shopping Network, and numerous televangelists, but no one has tried it on cable news. He’s quick to add that he doesn’t need to beat Fox News, he just needs to shave off a little of its audience — particularly those conservatives who feel Fox has drifted too far to the right. “If we take 10 to 15 percent of the Fox audience,” he says. “and they are making $1 billion a year, then we are going to be hugely profitable.”
In the greater scheme of things, I’m always glad to watch wingnuts beat each other silly, it is a win-win in my opinion. And if Ruddy hurts Fox News in the wallet, all the better.
The problem of course, is that this assumes that there is a limited amount of crazy out there to be shared by a few cable channels, and I suspect it is not a closed system. Just like building freeways, no matter how many, they will always fill up.
Texas! - The God-bothering fetus fondlers have permanently closed three more reproductive health care facilities. The clinics are were located in poorer communities leaving many already vulnerable Texas women with no ready access to safe, legal, reproductive services. But we’re sure it was just a coincidence that poor people are being targeted. (Think Progress)
Bit the dust - BitCoin founder Autumn Radtke was found dead “at the base of a Singapore apartment block.” Singapore police said they were investigating the “unnatural” death of Autumn Radtke, but that “no foul play was suspected.” Uh-huh. (Raw Story)
Doubling-down - Senatorette Huckleberry Closetcase continues to link benghazi! Benghazi! BENGHAZI!!1! to Ukraine:
“When you tell the world we’re gonna find the people who killed our four Americans in Libya, including the ambassador, and you do nothing about it,” he said. “Whether you agree with his policy in Syria, Egypt, whether you agree with his policies, when he tells people there will be consequences, and there are none, it sets in motion exactly what you see.”
Asked if invoking Benghazi was a just a way for the senator to throw red meat to conservatives back home during primary season, Graham said that voters wanted to know more about the 2012 attack in Libya.
“Everything I’ve done has been about what I think is best for the country,” he said. “I think it’s best to find the truth about Benghazi, when my primary’s over, and I’m gonna win, I’m gonna still be on Benghazi.”
OK, we will add Benghazi pursuit to Huckleberry’s bowl of Claim Chowder. (Livewire)
Constitutional Scholar Rev. Fishsticks tells us that by taking the Fifth Amendment, jack-booted bully Lois Lerner is admitting her guilt in the so-called IRS scandal. Because that’s what it means.
NYTimes Best Seller - Hey guys, did you know that you can pay to get on the best seller list at the NYTimes? All you have to do is found a Xristian Xrazie Ministry and have them buy a shit-ton of your crappy book and Boom! Best Seller! (World Mag)
Ancient Hate Goblin Phyllis Schlafly is opposing a federal trademark for the name “Schlafly” for beer made by a St. Louis craft brewery co-founded by her nephew, Tom Schlafly. Thanksgiving must be really interesting around that viper nest. (St. Louis Post-Dispatch)
Awards! - The stupidest man on the innernets Instapundit himself—Glenn Reynolds, writer of gruesome abecedarian pyroflatulence works, will receive an Accuracy in Media Award at CPAC. Let that sink in for a moment. Il posteriore della superiora!