The 3-Martini Stupid

First off, my apologies for making you listen to the high-pitched squeal of Ted Cruz, especially when it is so hard to follow his incomprehensible rhetoric. Here’s the pertinent quote:

“Today the global warming alarmists are the equivalent of the flat-Earthers. You know it used to be it is accepted scientific wisdom the Earth is flat, and this heretic named Galileo was branded a denier.”

Galileo’s observations proved that the earth was not the center of the universe, he had nothing to do with flat earth. Secondly, Galileo was right, and his methodology was to look at the evidence and see where it took him; the theocrats with their common knowledge were wrong. So… Isn’t Cruz saying he’s a flat earther, and that he’s wrong and the scientists are right?

How did Cruz ever make it out of law school if he cannot follow or construct an analogy that makes sense.

“Chimpy? Never Heard of Him!”

NotChimpy and Chimpy: two pees in a pod

NotChimpy “Ah am mah own man.”

The Smart Bush, who says he is his own man, will have a special guest at his Dallas fundraiser today: Chimpy McStagger.

Mad Men

Listed hate group American Family Association has placed an ad in the WaPo (fair warning! PDF! Also fair warning: the link goes to One News Now, a Xristian Xrazie news site) to speak directly to the Supremes:

AFA is running a full-page ad (right) in The Washington Post on Tuesday directed at the U.S. Supreme Court, which will hear arguments on homosexual “marriage” in April. “As you deliberate on marriage,” reads the ad, “remember whose idea it was in the first place.”

Oh yeah, 10 pieces of silver and a goat for the girl.

“Will you bend what God designed merely to suit the desires of man, knowing that you do so at the expense of children, perhaps even civilization itself?”

OK, how about 15 pieces of silver if you throw in the other daughter and the son with the harelip?

Theocracy takes its way, picking and choosing according to whim. The same arguments were made for endorsing slavory, so it is really hard to take fire and brimstone seriously.

Patriots For Freedumb!

teabagging for jeebusWhere’s a good jihadist when you need one?

“[Michael Conrade Sibley, a resident of Marietta, Ga.] who described himself as a “patriot” confessed to placing homemade bombs in a Georgia park to help people realize “that this type of activity could happen anywhere,” according to court documents obtained by TPM on Tuesday.”

He was only doing it to help you, don’t you see! You should be grateful!

…Along with the bombs, Sibley put print-outs of the Atlanta Falcons’ schedule as well as public transportation timetables and the locations of Marcus Jewish Centers into the backpack because he thought officials would see those as “soft targets,” the documents said.

Sibley told the agents he also placed a copy of the Quran and a book titled “The Rape of Kuwait” in the bag. 

In the movie Heathers, at the scene of one of the crimes Veronica and JD put bottled water nearby so the police would think that Ram and Kurt were gay lovers in a suicide pact.

Sibley said he placed the bombs in the park because he’s a “patriot.” He said he regretted that people weren’t “paying attention to what was going on (sic) the world” and he wanted to remind people “that this type of activity could happen anywhere,” according to the documents.

Indeed it can happen, apparently in Marietta Georgia, with Xristian Fundamentalists, or as the Republicans like to call them, Lone Wolves.

“A Gentleman Never…”

“…forgets a lady’s birthday, and he absolutely never remembers her age.”

I suppose I am a momma’s boy—I think most men are—but in my defense, my mother was exceptional. She was a tomboy that taught us how to belch at will and spit watermelon seeds for distance and accuracy, and she also taught us Emily Post-style manners. When I was bullied, she taught me how to throw a punch (guard with your right, lead with your left use your shoulder), and how to apologize (don’t make excuses, make amends). She was a master strategist in our water fights (take the high ground, defend the entrances!), and didn’t blink an eye when my brother brought the garden hose into the house.

As an only child, she liked her alone time, but she liked having all of us running around making noise and being kids. She knew the house would be clean and silence would return someday, but that we should enjoy today, well, today. After all, there are water balloons to consider, and your sister is such a good target…

Happy birthday, Mom; I wish you were still with us.

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Xristian Xrazie constitutional scholar and historical fabulist David Barton, author of many works being pulped by his publisher, is looking for a few, good (unpaid) interns:

Sparky is pretty excited over this opportunity to touch “fun stuff” like bayonets, his enthusiasm is contagious as measles in a yuppie’s gated community!

The Stupidity Event Horizon Has Been Achieved

We are all being sucked into the black hole of Halperin-level dumbassery.